Today my heart grew heavy
By the pieces of a broken promise

Today my chest swelled with regret
At the revelation of your mortality

And so today, I swear an oath
That I will do right by you

I will fill your soul with pride
And make a father’s name eternal

What is this anger?
Where does it come from?
What is this hate?
A hate towards the people I love
A resentment for things they’re unaware of
I can’t control it
I can’t keep it in
I let my emotions get the better of me
How do I keep it in?
I feel all their problems quickly becoming mine but,
It’s not my fault
It’s not my fault
I didn’t mean for things to go so far,
For things to get so out of hand
I wasn’t gone for long
And I came back strong
But where did that leave them?
It’s not my fault
I did my best, and do my best
To rectify the mistakes
Mistakes of my own,
And of those I love
But nothing’s happening,
Nothing is changing
Nothing
Is it me? Am I their problem?
What can I do?
Why is it so hard!?
What is this anger?

Talk less
Think more
Do more

Ok, I’ll think better

Run faster
Eat less
Lose some weight

Ok, I’ll live better

Put in all your focus
Put in all your effort
And do your best

Ok, I’m going to do my best

Actually focus
Actually try
Do better

I am trying, I just can’t

Think about everyone
Don’t just think about you
Get over yourself

I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry

Don’t be so slow
Don’t talk so much
Just listen to what I tell you

I can’t keep up, I’m sorry

Enough talking
Apologies mean nothing
If you’re a repeat offender

You know I forget, I’m sorry

Why is it still happening?
Why can’t you listen?
Why are you still like this?

I don’t know, I’m sorry

You’re pathetic if you don’t know
You’re nothing if you haven’t learnt by now
You’ll always be nothing

I know, I’m sorry.
I wish I could be better.
I’m trying, but I don’t think I make things better for anyone.
I don’t think I should stay.

Here I go again.
The pressure slowly rises
While teasing back to the times of old.

Times of excitement
Times of ease
Times of happiness

But the happiness fades,
As the darkness sets in.
The pain grows stronger,
As the weight piles on again

Here I go again,
Countless nights of lost sleep,
As those thoughts slowly creep back in

I lay here, petrified
With tearful eyes
And Emotions running high

Reminiscing in the past,
Only in regretful moments.
Thinking of the future,
Only images of despair.

How much longer do I have to pretend?
Is it all really worth it in the end?