it hurts
The pain is too much.
These drugs aren’t enough
To numb them completely.
It’s tough , I need something
Real Fuckinn rough
To relieve me
From my broken heart
..

I’ve fallen to my knees
When I cry
I look up at the sky
Begging god
To please Help me see
Clearity and the path
To the life I deserve.
One Filled with happiness
Laughter, Comfort , Love .
Dk idk

I’m not sure where I am.
Its all confusing,
So much is getting out of hand.
My thoughts , My feelings
My choices & Wants.
The actions I’ve taken  
Are Not connecting
Everything’s mixed up .

My minds in circles .
Its spinning
So so very fast .
Tugging from good to bad.
I feel so odd
Things feel so off .
I can’t make sense of
what’s going on.

As the days go by
I feel I’m losing conscious .
I grow confused more & more.
I find myself staring out into nothing.
I’m feeling empty but I can’t seem to go & Change myself from sad to happy.

I don’t know what’s going on
I dk what’s wrong
What is my purpose?
What am I supposed to be doing

You will lose her.
Drugs will take her.
It’s no game.
She’ll be manipulated
To loving dope again.

Be aware
Take procaution .
Every relapse
Is a step closer to losing
Her self again

Her prospective will turn  .
Her views and thoughts
Will twist.
All good she believed in.
The positivity she spoke On?
Will be forgotten.

She Will Lose herself.
Drugs will Take her.
Are you prepared to let go ?

It’s no game it’s no joke .

Thank you
For making me not
Want to be alive .
pushing me farther in darkness
To where I no longer
Bother to find the light.
Was this your whole plan.
To fool me About
Finding real happiness.
Finding solutions to get me  away from wanting
seeking drugs.
A promise to help me
Build a new life.
Being The replacement
that saved me.
Was this your bate.
To act like you cared.

So you can Trap me
Tie me up & Be your puppet.
Use me for your greatest advantages.
So you can throw & Toss me.
Exsist when your bored
Have nothing to do
Or no ones around to kick it
So I’m the unfortunate alternative.

Made me visualize
This prince & princess
Love story .
That was all a lie.
I feel in love you .
I did & went by everything you wanted me to.
When I did wrong
You scolded me .
I was never allowed to Act Upon your Unfairness .
I had to accept even the
things that were not .

Was this your plan ?
To lie about helping
my broken self.
To be your entertainment.
You saved me from suicide just to Show me more reasons why I don’t want to be alive?
I was your puppet with shut lips.
That’s why you loved me.
I managed to bite through my mouths strings and that’s when you begun to Dislike me.

I was never allowed to speak on actions that hurt me.
So I begun to.
Instead of realizing how true it is that your unfair ..
You grew anger
Started complaining Saying
All I want to do is start arguments.


You started losing interest.
What attracted you from me
Was my silence
Moved and grabbed me
Whenever you wanted
How ever you pleased
Treating me carelessly .

I’m treated like ****
I’m viewed as nothing
You have no respect for me
Or even care if my heart beats.

Thank you
For saving me from Wanting to end my life.
Just to use me up
Then Drop me back where I contemplate suicide .
Just this time ?
You’ve given me more of a reason to want to die

I’m not sure where I am.
Its all confusing,
So much is getting out of hand.
My thoughts , My feelings
My choices & Wants.
The actions I’ve taken  
Are Not connecting
Everything’s mixed up .

My minds in circles .
Its spinning
So so very fast .
Tugging from good to bad.
I feel so odd
Things feel so off .
I can’t make sense of
what’s going on.

Something is wrong .
though another thing is Trying to push me away from Seeing it

angrily reminds me.
He wasn’t raised to show affection.
His reason to why he’s
Never caring or “loving”.
In a mean why
Telling me He’s Sorry
He can’t respect or show How much I mean to him .

Angrily tells me
He’s Sorry He can’t
Show me the “boyfriend qualities” id wish he had.
His excuse to never Making me feel special, appreciated, wanted is
He has no experience being in a real relationship.

Angrily Tells me
To go find someone els
Who can treat me the way I want.
Who Can do all the things
I ***** that he never does.
His excuse?
Once again..
He has no type of experience
Never had a real gf.

Angrily tells me
He has no experience showing someone how much they
mean to him .
How he doesn’t know how to treat a real girlfriend..

All of this gives him the right
To act So cruel.
All of this Is why I’m
Forced to forgive him for all of his hurtful actions.
I’m forced to be understanding
To always accept this.


Clueless on how to act in a relationship.
Mind blank of how to be loyal , Kind , caring, Honest & respect.
Well Learned To
Lie betray hate & be disrespectful
.
Clues on how to show love.
Be amourous , give affection.
Well educated on how to ask & insist for ****** pleasures.

He’s clueless on how to
make me Feel Special.
Well educated to make me
feel like I’m nothing .

Says to not expect
Teddy bears , surprises, Gifts.
He doesn’t know how .
He knows how to
Vanish for days give
Unread texts & missed calls.

Parents showed no love.
So he’s not experienced.
Parents didn’t show him To look & ask for ***.
But he’s fluent In Talking & Making his way through those gates.