I NEED TO STOP LYING
I’m aware of what’s right.
I know how to achieve sobriety
My mind purposely blinds me
I know there’s more to life than just sadness.
I’m aware that I can try but refuse
It’s true, it’s a lot to do to stop use.
I need to work on everything that makes me feel I’m no use.
It will be a lot to conquer
It will take so much to change my views.
I’ve been depressed for so long
Drugs been the only thing that’s made me belong ,
I know I can change, Be very great
It will just take lots of work to reach the gates.
I will struggle & experience pain.
Confront reality & deal with the things that make me unhappy
I NEED TO STOP LYING TO MYSELF
My addict Mind is lovely
It really makes me focus on things that really hurt me.
It Centers negativity, shining light on everything saddening.
When I Attempt To Be Good
It tells me how fast I’m achieving?
I look at time & it’s been hours of thinking .
I can’t figure nothing to solve my insecurities .
Can’t find a reason for motivation
Can’t find a cure for the heartbreaks & mistakes.
So it reminds me.
Drugs been the fastest & only medicine.
Only on one do I feel life’s worthliving.
I don’t need nothing or nobody as long as I’m lit.
I NEED TO STOP BEING IN DENIAL AND STRAIGHTEN THE **** UP
I’m tired of it all
Conflicts about living
clean or on drugs
I’m tired of Being high & Feeling nothing but numb.
I’m tired of the drugs controlling my emotions & Thoughts.
I’m tired of the drugs being so Great  that I never want to get off.
I’m tired of the way it’s causing more harm making me believe everything’s fine.
I’m tired of the way it’s the only thing damaging. Making sobriety seem so Devastating.
I’m tired of drugs making me feel it’s better to not deal with crisis.
Only high is life great.
No tears , no misery or Losses
No challenges, no dealing with ****
I’m tired of the drugs making me feel Using is the best thing.
Making my life seem easy by not worrying about anything
IM TIRED OF THE WAY CRYSTAL **** MANIPULATES MY ****** BRAIN
On **** I never struggle .
Being high avoid the problems making life so nice
While sober I deal with troubles.
Being clean I feel the sorrow.
I struggle to fix the issues & if I fail , I feel much worse.
Using **** fulfills my needs.
When lonely , on **** I don’t feel alone. I don’t even notice.
When I’m lonely , I feel what alone is. I cry and Feel so much sadness
When I’m high
I never struggle , Don’t ever stress & continue on my day .
When I’m sober ,
If i struggle, I deal with troubles
Which will leave me Either happy or add to my problems.
No more comparisons , it’s clear
The use of Drugs keep you away from pain, you never encounter bad situations or experience ****** days
While sober you face many things
You Feel many ways & always come across struggles and pain. That you either work it out or live depressed
I HAVE THE CHANCE RIGHT NOW
I CAN SEE THE TRUTH I JUST NEED GO STOP BEING IN DENIAL
I NEED TO ADMIT RIGHT NOS
BEFORE MY DRUG ADDICT MIND TAKES POWER

I’m weeping.
Something in me is pinching
As if it’s trying to grab attention
Or is it making me question?
Who am I right now.
Am I acting different?
Mean & attacking ?
Is my Hate inflicting?
I don’t know what I feel but I know it’s not something real ..
It’s not what I am
It’s hate speaking out my hands
It’s the rage of the memories that haunt me everyday.
Forgive it baby it’s my Addict ways

If you leave him, He won’t hurt.
Remember those times he made you tear ?
How you were Alone In the darkness suffering dearly ?
While he cared not one bit about the sadness your having.
How he made you upset & didn’t give a **** ?
Remember being in your room .
Looking at the window hoping he’d apologize, come back to comfort.
You’d stare and stare but not one time did he come through ..
Remember Sitting on your bed.
Hearing music & cheering coming from the outdoors.
Hearing laughter & jokes Passing Through black screen ?
Remember how Depressed you ****** felt.
How he hurt you & left you dying
How he Didn’t even care about the heartaches he kept causing.
Remember how it wasn’t just 1 time.
It was every time you’d fight.
Alone in your room you cried
While he Forget by buzzing Down and having a good time with the ******* & Friends?
How’d you tell him he made you feel so sad.
Hoping he’d come around, you’d hear his car leave instead?
Remember how In every conflict you were the only one to be left unhappy.
After a fight you’d go home and over think .
While he went out to parties & Drink
If you leave, he’d just go back to being him.
The same person he was.
**** has never changed with him.
I’m always suffering while he goes out to enjoy the night.
He will always end up not giving a ****.
While You drown in the hurtful things that went on.
So baby girl Don’t worry.
If you leave , don’t feel sorry.
Don’t look back at him or feel bad for what’s happening.
If he cries or looks broken
Don’t turn back , just like he didn’t.
Because like always He goes to his parties and Talks about bitchs, fast cars and money .
He’s always shown how much he really cares About you .
Never once has he corrected his wrong , he’s the fault & still plays the victim .
Never once did he Feel the pain that I felt and Still left with.
So don’t worry baby.
If you leave , he’d be grateful & still live on free. Only more better , since your no longer there.
He can now enjoy the life of the dearest **** boy he longed for .
To be honest, that’s what Crushes me .
Knowing when I leave he’d go back to the things that damaged me.
To the things that left me scars & worthless memories.
To go back to the person who broke my heart.
All those reasons are what lead me to finally realize I was to good of a girl. I’m too good to be his.
I’m too special for anyone
Because I have morals and Stay faithful & loyal

I’m feeling positive
Will my thoughts carry on?
Am I feeling guilty right now
Because the drugs wearing off ?
Am I committed to change
The one I feel so enlightened by
The fact I just accepted what I’ve been denying for so long ?
Is this all really real.
Or am I saying this because I’m coming down.
It’s happened before ,
Started feeling low and I begged the lord to help out this hole.
I cried telling him to rescue me
Im Sick Of dope I want real hope
Why has it been false before
Where I’ve been tired & Bowed my self to change For once.
Why do I only feel the need to seek help when I’m reaching peak of it’s wearing down .
It’s sad to know that I’ve promised but still broke ...
I Say i Want change & never return
But after some time, returns the hurt..
Then I forget about the words I spoke .

I don’t seek drugs no more.
Get up then fall harshly below
Then all again, till I stop feeling
Till I lose focus
of the reality i torment.
I don’t seek a love no more.
Fall In love then get my heartbroken
Forgive , then get hurt again .
Untill I find dope to stop it.
It’s time to confront and deal with the problems that been ******* with  me for so long .
Move on from the bonds to begin a journey I’ve been lusting on
It’s time for growth & a new beginning Were I Don’t always dwell and live life much better.

I’m laughing softy
with a tear falling gently..
I’m laughing at the fact I was blinded 2 times.
Complaining about my life when the problems were in Front Of my eyes
Searching for the day the rain will stop pouring . Hoping I can stop the thunder from roaring
How dumb have I been.
I looked to far
The answer was close to my walls