The order shifted into chaos the moment I met you...

and now I'm falling gracefully...

curious, I wonder, what do you ponder...

Like a pool piled of puzzles...

You surprise me, and then you don't...not that it hurts me to be so...

What do you see when you look at me...

If you want to truly consider the light, you'll have to experience the dark.

Watching people play who could have the hardest heart is like a bunch of minnows pretending to be sharks until their lives are ripped apart by a real shark.

This is not a game, not a fairytale, this is the reality.

And until people start to humbly accept and live in that, we will continue to grow in our casualties.

Rising shadows reaping spirits
Crashing cars and watching flames
Little liars screaming louder
Putting themselves back to shame
After hours cause their powers
Finding Fortune by the aim
Now forced to fall from a tower
Fortune found but we can't claim

Sticks and stones may break my bones, and words will really hurt me

For you to try to bully does mean how much you're hurting

When I fall down I get back up, take this advice, if any

To mute me, or anything just makes you more of a weakling

I haven't always been this lost
Playing cat and mouse in an amazon maze
Peeking through the leaves and all the moss
For a path outside of this confusion game
Holding gems and such to say i'm safe
From a broken heart and feeling disgraced
Cast a spell or two to mend my faith
Bending illusions to clean the waste
I can see myself winning tonight
And that kind of builds my confidence
No more smiles, i'm not a fool, alright,
Sudden transformation in an instance,
I can be victorious without a clue

I'm trying to capture these feelings and set them free
one
by
one
Sending them away with notes of mind
Opening my relic of emotions to unwind
But I come to realize that I'm SOOOO
e m o t i o n a l
And I'm overwhelmed with not enough room to let them fly
It's getting hard to breathe
Typing this, I feel trapped, clogged
Something swelling my soul with too much
I'm disappointed, but not surprised
I'm happy and thankful, but I also want to cry
When did we start to casually want to die
Why do I ponder why do I try
Yet I also feel content
I could spend time at home or stay here with my friends
I like a boy who's too far ahead to see me
And when I could have set him free
...

i'm emotional
unstable is an understatement
i feel like the embodiment of chaos
yet i also feel like order
somehow i am like a painting that is a beautiful catastrophe
i don't know how to express myself
i feel like i'm in a game where the point is to simply accept that you can only lose
but i don't only lose, not all the time
i lose and win and lose at acknowledge my winning
i'm never satisfied because the one win i want i continue to lose at
i just want that and it's like a carrot dangled in my face
i-
i-
i-


how do i feel so constrained in such a spacious room
why do i feel so enclosed in a world so big
enslaved behind a glass peering into a room labeled free


why am i so emotional

I'm A                                                                                           Colorful
COLORFUL EXPLOSION                                                        Messy
that Excites                                                                      Commotion and
Those Around                                                            Silently dancing by
Me But                                                                       In the air, gracefully
Just Like                                                            A rainbow of snowflakes
Confetti                                                                              Galore!
I'm A Bomb                                                                    A heartache
That Gets Messy                                                              So messy
Scattered All                                                                     In the sky
Over The                                                                    Changing ground
Place Once                                                                     Covered after
I'm Done                                                                       the party begun

You can tell someone
Your whole
Life
Story...




And all they heard was the mistakes you made and who was involved in it.


You can tell someone that you loved them, and all they hear is the regrets they feel about their past.

Ever since i met this world
I always found myself in trouble
stumbling over the bodies of the empty
and influenced by poison, seeing double
Someone wants to see my fall
And I find that some type of funny
Because I don't see that as a loss at all
Cause i'm the bee and I make the honey
See, I control what they can see
And I maneuver what they will not
I can play the game too
But I simply choose not to, no one's at fault

Words cannot describe the feeling of sinking faster and faster into a

never-ending chain of darkness, fear for a perpetual resolve that will

never come.

A pulsation of many emotions, just to be left with the agony of

emptiness.

Hollowed out like a dead man's skull,

A soul carved out of a now disposable casket.

Hollow, be thy name.

I first met you when I was just a little boy...
Clueless and naive.
You told me that we'd be friends forever...
...Even though you're older than me.

That charming smile of yours, and those beautiful big eyes...
You could wrap me around your manly fingers like bows and ties.
As I grew older, I knew you to be serpent-like.
You'd tell me yes then no, then stop and go.

Go up and down, stay put, turn around.
Keeping me confused...cause that's just how I met you...
You're evil...and yet I never knew.
I went insane...because of you.
But that's the person you truly knew.

For you took my confusion like some take their poison,
Sometimes its too much, and then they're poisoned.
Blacked out and no longer me.
I'm wasted within a black pitched sea.

A flow in time divided into nine as a moments scene feels like an eternity.
Falling slowly unconscious, my soul clutches it's heart as I do the same to mine.
Rapidly changing, the scene clicks forward, ticking and tocking faster and faster.
Filling the rooms inside my head with tears I've knitted blue, with dread.
Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with my head, as I lay in my bed and pretend to be dead.
Staring a tunnel into the ceiling, forgetting life's meaning, streaming old memories, ruminating on past tragedies.
I've never lost my conscious, cause I'd rather be nauseous than gone and haunted by thinking I'd be forgotten.
Such a world this is, a world I'd not miss, but I wish I wasn't so consistent on ending.
Ticking and tocking like the clock today, waiting to stop, just to pass away, but is that okay...I'm not sure I know what to say...

I hope you got what you came for.
Now give your review.
I guess I'm a product right,
Hope you enjoyed me too.

He's beautiful.
A cultural salad bowl.
As he saunters the halls lined with the eyes of public youth,
he finds himself directly in front of another boy.

A boy with the skin of snow, tinted with a pink blush.
Rugged, broken, a boy who has seen the world falter in front of him.
The boy of snow glares at the boy of culture.
He strikes him down, lacking hesitation.
A mysterious rage possessed the boy of snow...why was he so angry?

The boy of culture gazed up at the boy of snow,
aware of his own strength and weapons,
yet he took the choice to not entertain him.
He got up, and walked away, one piercing gaze, and vanished within the crowd of youth.

The boy of snow, caught by the glare of the boy of culture.
A piercing stop in time...exhilarating.
Why did he let him go?
He didn't seem afraid at all, if anything, he wanted him to follow.

This is the start of a twisted love story.

Wearing my cloak
made of gloom
watching the clock in my old room
fighting the lack of my dear soul
to build willpower to live life whole
Hope I don't choke
on my own bones
i'm tired of being so **** alone

but here i am in a dark room
watching the doom coming in its bloom
neon green numbers filling my eyes
i start to cry as i question why
my life *****
life just *****
what the ****
why does life **** so much
but no one can tell me
cause no one knows
and that's why i'm on my lone on my own
cause no one knows

no one knows
here i go
oh my gosh my soul

it's in pain
lacking gain
gloom in one hand
the left, insane

broken frame
life's a game
but without a story, so it's a shame
and that's the theme
that life's a shame
but its all okay cause it's a dream


or a nightmare a night terror

Bite me

were the words that i cast from my mouth, sinking the mental teeth of my rage within the ties that knot me and my enemy

I no longer will allow you to keep me captive
tortured
endlessly musing you

I hold my head, circling my temples

every single day
for months and months
why you
why must it be you

Pacing my minds pavement, tracking down my ever speeding train of thought

I want you gone, out of this becoming

Silenced from this world and banned from it's premises
A force of corruption in lust with my demise
Evil in choice but so meek in the human eye

I challenge your character
We are just beginning

Basically,

i feel like this year went by so fast and yet it's also felt like a century
both of our finals in the ballots were bad
so many unrepresented catastrophes are happening as we speak
it feels like we are approaching the end of life as we know it
education is necessary, but the education system is a ripoff
equity is more appropriate than equality, however, is it possible to have equality because of equity?
toy story came out 22 years ago
**** is actually a really cool herb, that can be consumed in so many ways
*** is overrated
relationships are slowly being demonized and selfishness is romanticized
humility does not simply equal donations or good deeds, nor is it just only accepting you flaws and red flags
we aren't even promised the very next moment, yet somehow we've pushed that so deep into our subconsciousness that we continue to live with this blind faith of a tomorrow. If you stop everything you are doing and you close your eyes, in an atmosphere of no distraction, you can slowly wash away every thought that you may have or want to create, sinking into an abyss of nothingness. Notice that you and your body are doing so many things right now without you actually being in control of any of it. There is no emergency button to power down because we are innately programmed to live forever unless destroyed by something. Your breathing is calm, traveling through your body, out of your nose most likely. Focusing on your forehead, and then behind that, deep inside your head, it's your conscious, just here, floating in the void in your mind. Unable to really do anything but influence you, like a machine, until you die. We're kind of like projects that our souls made, sims characters that live a whole life, and then after they expire, their experience is viewed and judged by the higher power, judging our souls artwork like a class assignment. If you pass, you get to graduate upward. If you fail, you fall forever downward, kind of like life now.

This **** is scary...tbh

There was once a feeling when talking to you
That held up my hope and gave me a smile
A feeling for you, where the gates of this world
The struggles it could provide couldn't touch me
Inspiration passively grew, fluttering it's little wings around my head
Ideas and desires fueling my day
You had a potency like no other
But that made you dangerous too.

You had a wrap on me like no other
Capable of captivating my mentality and sending me off
into depravity, silently sickened by the tragedy of losing me or you
What a world, where the same person that bought me joy could also play with my heart like a toy

Brought from Heaven
Made from a spell
Summon an angel
Ring the honey-bell
Fall from the sky
Wish upon the star
Here I come, my love
I'm closer than I am far
See that shimmering
Reach out to grasp it
Cause it's me smiling
Something you won't resist
Bring out a miracle
Enjoy the fortune
Feel the serenity
Let me sing you a love tune

Sometimes pain can be really funny,
Especially when you saw it coming,
You had the chance to dodge the gun, but stood like a deer, shot dead
But what's the funniest is that you never really die,
Stuck on an endless repeat of the same journey,
But it becomes less than surprising,
And you wonder if you can ever really beat it,
But that's why it's so funny,
You have the knowledge, but that's the theme of fate,
No matter how much you know, you'll never really win,
All you can do is accept that you're out of control,
And then maybe, maybe it'll end.

In the seemingly endless void, a door sits in the center.
A light shines a circle around the door.
You may knock on the door, but will someone answer?
This door is decorated, colored, and shaped in its own unique way.
This door leads to someone's life.
Just because it's there does not mean to interact, however, it doesn't not mean to either.
Would you go to the door and destroy it, despite the acknowledgment that it is not yours?
Would you like the same in return?
Then don't do that to someone's life.

What a wonder
O' you are
Now I ponder
The ends not far
Yet I feel lost
I've lost my glow
A mental picture
Of how life goes...

Ticking timing empty bomb
Lost all my fire powers gone
And yet I can't help but feel full
Of nothing, that's just how I boom
A living losing TNT
I feel my life falling from me
A world of hatred in this heart
Coated in sadness, foreign parts...

Coated in sadness
Here I go
Exploding madness
Blackened soul
It's better I just disappear
All I have asked
Was for an ear...




It's better I just disappear...
Somethings aren't tragic
...Like my tears.

Lucidity is something we take for granted.
I sure do...
And yet I move on with my life blindly...
And so do you too.
As we ponder out our night,
Planning out our next move.
Praying away all future strifes,
To ourselves for better moods,
We know this world not be as sound.
Where is the end leading us to?
The end being a power outage...
Our end we shut down when life's due.

If I held my breath every time I thought of you, I wonder if I'd die,
Set in pause, held there forever in my subconscious, lingering,
Parasite,
You're not what I fear.

I've lost my words to play the right song,
So instead I smile and I play along,
If for every time I wanted to scream, erasing you from my dreams...,
Would I drone in the background, neverending?

What's this that I cannot wipe away, ash and shadows, symbols of decay,
Ghosted by hope, I hope to one day forget all of you that lingers,

Because unless you come to me as a polar opposite of the one that broke me...
I'll never be able to remove the grip of your fingers.

It's okay to smile alone because that smile is probably the most sincere smile you can give.

I try not to get tongue-tied when I glare at the obvious wrongs before me...

I cannot continue to constantly cry because I bleed my words out for no inspiring reason.

Wondering why we wake up and try to live our lives surrounded by people who tiptoe on their words, stepping onto those that they think they're superior over, I included...

But beyond myself, will anyone else be bold and brave enough to say what I just said?

Or instead, glance by, unphased until your dazed by the fact that you had a chance and yet you blew it, bombed it, tragic

Sad, yet, longly lost and losing hope in humanity, for the humanity that brings hope seems to be from a different reality

Dead or distant, but both are fiction to the now and the present, attendance is key, but if you're gone, or gone, you can't say that you belong when you and I know that's wrong...


In the end, no one wins, because instead of fighting together for something better, we separate, isolate, and we hate, just because we want to control something...sometimes..

leading to nothing...
Fun things burning behind the masks people love shining
Thinking it's better to be fake than to say fake
Even though lives are at stake...

...
And yet I bet I'm right.
People don't want meaning anymore that isn't repetitive
for even if it was repetitive, someone would find something to wrong, linking to a sedative

Sleeping soundly, waiting for the world to end
But what will you do if it already is
Pretend to not care and destroy your whole life
Cutting up your story into pieces with lies lining your knife...

In the end...it always restarts again.
No change, so how can we even win?

This story starts,
Underneath
I look in the puddle underneath my feet
I see
A portal into another dimension
To walk
Is to breathe
Falling forward ever after
A story like a rapture
Awake
For my sake
Is how the story goes to make
My soul starts to shake
I know
To appreciate
For the ending has to show
And oh, I fold
The strings of fate to take the place
Of destiny
It's the only way I'll see
The golden warning
Forcing distant tension
A movie in immersion
Facing the ceiling when it ends
A looping limbo all over again

Dancing alone in a park of roses
A wonder this crazy mentality
Say yes, ok, I'll be alright
And swim in an ocean of tears I seeped

A wonderful somberland full of glumbugs
A ditzy blue fogged tragedy
Prickled the maze of roses galore
I've already hit max capacity

Combustion is safer than coldly lingering
But some of us beg to differ
I wished people could just be brutally honest
Even if it ended with me under a trigger

I can feel myself dying, gradually, declining in my competence

I'm scared, to die alone, to live alone...
Withering amongst the white noise, surrounded by the stories of the wandering.

I've noticed all the souls I've felt myself calling for...are all calling on to someone else; some even caught and carried through.

I'm scared.


Is there something wrong with me?
Am I just too different of a fish in this polluted sea?
Covered in debris, I'm sorry...

I can't tell anymore.
I thought I was ok; counting my working limbs, every working sense...

I have a lot to give. Love, care, loyalty, authenticity...

I'm healthy, alive, with a passion or two...


I am enough...right


right


idk anymore

but here i am...i guess