Such a pleasantry to go to town
Like a lullaby, it's going down
And all their sentences, six months of hell
Like taking a smoke trip with ringing bells
oh
a withering smoke dream
Can't know what it means
A lack of some clarity
Nothing's what it seems
so
Falling through a smoke cloud
The racing singing drowns out
A somber phased reality
An endless galaxy

Grounded
To the floor beneath me
I still within my flesh and call out to the holy star
Drenched in the energy of the night, restrained within the vacancy
Absent in will, I shudder underneath the fear collected
possessive, aggressive, obsessive
Relentless, claustrophobia triggered by the closing walls
within me

blurring my vision, i feel heavy, as if there is something on me
\i\\cannot feel my legs, my eyes stuck open
forced by the grips of hell and then...

...i saw it...

Welcoming me with it's discomforting grin,
"let me in"
It would utter
a monster it is
And yet I cannot move
Singing to me, it retells my life, piece by piece, bit by bit
Every single moment I've ever encountered

The tears I wept eased into the hue of my blood

I could finally speak...but the sound that left my mouth was not my own

"I like my new home; I feel grounded"

I may not have it worse.
My problems may not seem or be as big as others...
But listen to this one thing; something I can't change...
Even if I wanted to.

I'm cursed.
I'm not sure how it happened.
Don't know which parent ****** up a witch's morning...
But I have a theory.

Once upon a time, I was a child.
As a child, something I've always wanted was a companion.
Yes, I wanted the ultimate friend (and sometimes foe) - A soul mate.
Though I didn't know where it came from at the time, I soon discovered more to that desire.
It started with my first friend.
He was such a charming guy, like a wolf with dog traits.
He was the first reason.
Soon, I discovered another guy, but with skin a pretty as snow and a voice as absent as a winter night's sound.
That was my second reason.
.
.
.
You know how this'll go.
I've come to realize that I wanted more than a soul mate. I wanted a lover...or a romantic soul mate...
But I've never received that one desire among many...


I'm not the boldest moth, nor am I the most secure ghost.
If I see a light, no matter how awe-inducing, I won't get closer unless I know I won't get stung...
I like to watch it from afar.
You know...feel it's smile warm me...
But I'd never get too close. It always ends badly...


How many times do I have to get stung before I find a light that won't sting me...?
Why can't I have a light that'll find me...?
Same goes for other moths I befriend...
.
.
.
I attempt to keep moths around, but no matter what I do...they leave as if I died.
They move, they disconnect, and they disappear...
...Oh wait, I'm a ghost moth.
.
. - Wait!
.
.
I never said I chose to be a moth...or a ghost. I never wanted this life...and I never asked to be cursed.

I've come to realize that I always end up alone, but I only ever hear that it's never my fault.

Some moths think I should just settle for the light from the stars...because I get that light without much effort...but do they not realize the damage of having to stretch my wings to reach a star...
.
.
Just to find out that they could care less about who you are...
.
.
Yeah, no.






But anyway, to end this...because I don't want you to get bored of little ole me, which you most likely are, cause no one would read my life...unless I keep continuing to destroy it.
.
.
.
I am cursed...and I have absolutely no ******* idea how or what I did or what I can do to stop it.

The addiction to a drug that helps you escape the gaping hells of reality; *****...
down into the tunnel of withdrawal
Desiring more
An endless cycle of want
Just like ***
Like virginity taunts
And as you suffer deeper into the tunnel
A pondering poet sinks deeper
Begging for mercy for his sins
And as he loses himself in the beast that sinks its teeth
He finds himself looking at life with a different lens

Grip the will
around the ropes
Lock the seal
And cling to hope
Let it beat
The heart of love
Take your seat
The throne above
Hold your soul
And hug your mind
Mental road
One of a kind.

Nobody can be who you are,

So continue to be the one and only you, star

Elevating magic through your presence, amazing

Go so far, graze the sky, lift up hopes, fly so high

It's no game for a champion, my, my

Keep your light shining bright

The higher I go,
The less I can breathe
It seems that ascending into the top leaves you wheezing
Because it takes and rarely does it replace
If I float
.
.
.
I am not ok
Unable to do much, but float away
Because I can't fly, tho I sure can ascend
But that only confirms the danger I'm in.

Beautifully passionate as roses
Sweet and encouraging as ripened clementines
Warm and loyal as the sun
Whimsically protective as the crowns of the trees
Powerfully everlasting as the seas
Soothingly romantic as violets


Blinding as the truth
Sudden as the night
Mysterious as a storm

War drums with an ambition for love.

I am a poem
Long as I am short
Delicate, as I am tough
Deep as I am simple
Raw as I am protected
I am a poem, that forms poems
Echoing many emotions and birthing them into writing
To be called a poem by a poet
a beautiful lyricist that can form adventures through their very thoughts
.
.
.
To call me a poem, and a beautiful one
In itself is a poem.

I feel as though I lived multiple lives
Existed through multiple timelines
Experienced super phenomenal things
But I do not believe in reincarnation if we are to have a soul.

I've been a woman, with many grandchildren and kids, happily stowed away in the rural painting away from the city. Swinging over the edge of a hill colored yellow, because of the sea of sunflowers beneath me, on a wooden swing my husband made for me.
This was a good life.

I've been the boy who was traumatized, isolated, neglected, driven under...

I've been the suburban girl who had a seemingly steady life, as a common crate, but with enough resources to stably get to where it needs to be because it's protected and considered more valuable.

I've been a sky knight, gifted his wings through tedious training, with the goal of protecting the lives of the civilians that pledged underneath the Oath of The Highest Power.

I've seen many things...
But sometimes I have deja vu

And I'm starting to think that deja vu is connected to these lives, BUT also connected to the theory that someone keeps changing the future, by changing the past.

There is significance to the broken state that we possess
Cracked and corrupted, imperfect.
It's easy to tell how flawed someone is by the way they attempt to hide it.
An expected irony.
If you look between the cracks, you could see our soul;
afraid, confused, sad, amused.
Somehow, just as free to slip through our cracks and dissipate,
the same soul is unable to free itself from its living attire.
Like a phone to a battery,
A soul has no value without experience.
A vessel eventually halts meaning without a soul.
Everything has a means for something, but not everything has a soul.

We are the link to the soul.

Is there something wrong with me
For me to be punished as I am?
Gifted with sincere love after high school, but before I was alone
Lacking the social skills those years were meant to teach me.
Only ever to experience one one-sided romance, hardly tempted to call it a real relationship.

Still, utterly single...but I can handle being so.
I simply don't want to.

With each passing year
I feel like a beautiful peacock
With each feather plucked by the year
For each time i failed to find my mate.

But when I let down my feathers
And I try to go about it naturally
I am unseen...

To be named beautiful
appealing
good looking

yet to be treated like I am just a temporary good moment


I'm crushed
because I know my worth...

but just because I do
that only leaves it one-sided

I can be without a phone, but if I am surrounded by a sea of those with one, no one will notice me.

I feel like a ghost
who wants to be seen...

How ironic is it to be a hopeless romantic who lacks that?

I've been stuck in a limbo.
My eyes may open, and my soul may be ready...
But my body lays steady in gravity that's heavy.
My whole is holed with so many emotions
Commotion for futures unfolded in potions.
A nightmare at midnight surrounded in darkness,
A staircase built up of our cemented hardships
Crackled and brittle, you can't judge us so harshly
Sprinkled with sugar, coated with bitter green envy.
My offline adventures are harder than yours
Some say this in the mirror, reflecting self-scorns.

Question, Butterfly;
How does it feel to be seen as better,
Because you are the prettier family member,
I'm pretty,
Because you're delicate,
I'm delicate,
Because you're a symbol,
I have meaning,
Tell me, how do you feel,
Looking down on me...

I will not be used as a symbol of the misunderstood,
Treated like a monster because I am from the hood,
When I, too, had a dream that the world changed,
Where the street was safe for everyone because we were together,
No one was hungry, because the food didn't go to waste,
And there was less stress because we slowed down our pace,
I dreamed of a world were we progress,
Hatred is called out, challenged, defeated, history wasn't repeated,
The future wasn't a dream, but the present,
Thankful for the day we have, the day we will have.
No longer feeling entitled to anything, but humble and grateful,
I accept the world for what it is, but it must progress,
For if it is to be a world I desire to live in, it must change,
It will change,
I will see to it that it does, so long as I live on it.
And my change is for progression.
We will move forward,
We will live,
In the name of love,
In the light of peace,
I am determined.

I noticed something that I wish I didn't...
And now I have to leave
before I stop feeling the adrenaline.

Bee stings never feel sweet
To die to protect, what an unfortunate ending
So important, it's fragile little life
So feared, adored, but met with endless strife
Like an ant on the floor, left alone, like a chore
As a group, tortured wars, but important, although ignored
Then the moth, so restless, always flying so obsessed
Treated poorly, but has meaning, all of them with such a wish

Let them live,
Let them be,
Pollinate, we need three,
All are worthy,
We will see,
Let them be,
Let them free

suddenly,
there was contentment in the eternity of present;
and he smiled, okay once more.
every war he's had he's won,
as he's survived another day.
The current wars go decay with the silent slumber
and,

I didn't notice everything was falling
Until I hit the ground.
But, my, how exciting the rush I felt
When my world was coming down.
I pulled a wishbone from my pocket
to make a wish that might come true.
A realm of this feeling,
Sharing the winds tide to come and dance through.
How I utter the hope of energy
That gave me this ecstasy.
With my wish,
May this feeling make this realm no longer a fantasy.

Woe my lost
As here I die
My soul exhausts
The urge to cry
It's not my fault
This world is dark
Once light I sought
Brought me to sharks
Pity me free
My empty hands
No nothings glee
When burnt in sand
For flags will rise
Not for the win
They will be white
I lost again.

The scenes are changing rapidly,
Cloaked under the madness,
I hear a little melody,
That feels me with sadness,
A blink, a scene,
A blink, a scene,
Too fast, Can't breathe,
What's happening,
Feels like an hourglass,
But yet, it feels rushed,
Maybe it's like a movie,
We're near the conclusion.

Give me two weeks to reboot
Promise I'll be okay
I hope I'm numb
Lose myself in apathy
Because I can't regret
What I can't feel.


I want to be numb
Big hearts and honesty die here
I want to play the game too
Because I bet I'd win if I lost myself
An exchange for an exchange
I bet this world won't be so gray
Once I have it my way.

There are no walls,
No protection,
Built for tragedy,
Built to be hollow
Cometh the storm, blow down the doors,
But built, it is, to always reform,
Undying,
Immortal,
A heart so fragile,
A heart so committable,
What a sentence,
A misery,
Stuck in submission,
A life without serenity.

Gray
Not all bad, not all good,
A heart,
Built to forgive,
Built to love,
Built to empathize,
Built sturdy,
What a gift,
But built-in an environment that rejects it,
This is its sentence,
Too good for this world...
Sold to the forgotten,
A valuable pearl.