words are violent
the times are too
since I'm done now how am I supposed to know what to do

exactly the same spots to sit in
drowning in the dreams of sin
embrace what will never come

I never knew or did anything to tell you how much you mattered
I guess you didn't mean that much to me then
it's good to move on and on
cut downs poles and burn down closets
(I'm hiding under your bed)
can't get me
three hours can be too short
and three minutes can be too long

I can be in the burning bed
like my burning head
every aspect of the idea (of being done)
disgusts the truth

conventional as it is to ask where you are
and what have you done to the one
I used to know and will I ever see you again
I think it's something I feel and will feel for a long time
(not understanding the basic complexities of human interaction)

and it's too hard
and I probably can't do it
as I journey into the world
out the door
I probably can't do it

if I could go back in time to win you over
I probably couldn't do it
so I wouldn't and I'd still be here anyway
the burning bed hurts like hell and
it's never going to stop since
I'll never die

and if I asked for just two minutes
would you be polite and give me three
(I don't ever want you inside of-)
or would it better to just lie down
and get up and look at you
and hang myself in your closet?

(there's a limited time to look into my eyes and tell me how you're doing or what you feel because I'm not going to do it anymore this is your responsibility not mine I feel it all the time and time is done)

(it's unmissable)
what do you want
I am the master of my own fate
but deep down inside my self wants everything to fail
so i keep on rowing the boats and breathing while I sleep
to reach the destination everyone wants to get to but some wait longer
like me and patient as i am i can no longer survive so instead
i live and live on because I keep rolling on to get better
and better instead things keep dwindling down
until i reach the bottom and there I softly
hit the ground because They want me
to keep going and rolling on (to get
better and better) so I listen to all
of them like I have before and
the music cracks louder
and there's a pause
when you look
at me so I
smile

at the end I see the door
there is no heaven and there is no hell
they're just going to send me right back
to the ******* beginning again
(it's unmissable)

the kind of questions I get are about
death and shoving addiction in my face
I realize that you want peace like I do
(we feel the need to explain to you this predicament)
I laugh because I have to-
(we've got breaking news, Sir Blank Blank Blank has been killed)
what a shame
that one can leave so soon
'
this is the place where the living no longer live
the dead live more than they do
so I wait to find a way out but the doors are locked and
the sirens are going off
and the TV turned on by itself to bring me this important message:
(Sir Blank Blank Blank has been killed)
and I wrote a note for you and your charisma
it's on the table when you come into the house

isn't it special
and isn't nice
they're dropping bombs from the planes tonight

so let your red hair drop a little farther
and let my eye be fixated on the idea
that when you leave (for good)
that one day you'll come back
at my door and fall to the ground
begging and pleading for
me to realize that you loved me
more than I loved you
but it'll be too late because
by then I'll be gone
and I'll refuse to turn back on

(I remember the whips)
and the way out
filled with doubt and
violins in the distance

no way out there's no way
I'd get out alive
cars crashing and dishes breaking
are in the future
(but if that's what He wants let it be)
let it be
life is easy
life is hard
life is wrong
life is long
yet so short
everyday seems to never end until I realize I'm
back in bed with thoughts of
(her?)
you in my head
and there's no rain
or there is rain
but no peace

I have observed the multitude
******* each other (over)
"be grateful for what you have"
especially when you have nothing
take what you have and get what you want
until you realize what you want
isn't anything you want

it could have been easy but it
didn't have to be since
I'm more patient than anyone else has been
especially since the outcome is Nothing
so shove it to the side and let it
rust and rot

I can take what I need and feed
on the rest of them
the prey will pray the day away
just like I do

I need to forget about waves
and the yelling and the screaming
and the fighting and the end it all
thoughts that slowly penetrate the
walls of my room
so take me home with you one more and the only time
(the countdown has already started)
let me explore the depths
or throw me down in the streets
either could be the same
through the delusions and every time
I talk to myself
I remember why I was here in the first place

and every day I'm alive
I'm fighting to survive
walls and the ceilings
are falling down and the music gets louder
and louder and the colors are more vibrant
and I look over and everyone's moving
and I wonder why I got so confused in the first place and what I'm doing there
and then I try and try not to cry
(I need help, I'm sick)
just frozen in time
waiting and waiting and waiting

they all surround me and
I wish I could be someone else
since I walk faster or leave
and they leave
she leaves
you leave
until they're all gone
doing something else
it's a catastrophe
that the invisible bombs are falling down
in my mind

don't leave me hanging anymore
everything in life is so abrupt
I can't check out much longer
since I'm stuck here forever
as the music keeps playing and I'm just waiting
and waiting and waiting
for something more because life is easy and life
is hard and life is wrong and life is long
but it feels so short
for no reason

and when I calm down
I just wonder why I'm doing this in the first place
cross out everyone because it's
all my fault
I'm the worst person in the world
I wouldn't want to be around me either
can't escape the abruptness of the saving and the dating
because I'm just waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting
and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and-

coming out from the water
and into the light
breathing heavy
then smoothly
I come out of the fight

time ***** in my waterfall
and time tips over the filth (and lies)
and storms come over to break the rules
and expectations and strike its lightning with force
and disgusting tests and trials
set fire to the trails to send out a message
SAVE OUR SOULS

perhaps I would
no longer would I love the invisible taste of
broken walls
and I come up from the water one more time
breathing heavily,
then smoothly as I come to shore
(who will rescue me?)
I think I've find the answer but it's still buried deep
in the sand

"don't complain"
I understand, I won't, I won't
I won't I won't I won't

II

no one's going to respond
I think I can feel the wind pushing me back
to make me spiral back into the void

**** the void
got everything I need right here
packed bags and held up
burnt chapters from years ago

how did they detect this?
got out of here alive
which might be an understatement
blasted out

(walking on the sand digging killing
eating dying trying flying in my mind)
you gotta know
the wind's blowing me back
into the void
invincible so I just have
to avoid it
until I've come full circle
(the whole island's a circle)
but who cares
the birds are coming down
from the town
that isn't there
(grow up)
I already have
still got a lot to do
lots of doors to open
but come on
the wind is blowing me back into the void
but it doesn't matter much


III
life's an abrupt ending
starvation on the beach with no way home
the wind can take me back home
since I just needed to wake up
all I ever needed to do
wake up
I'll I ever needed to do
wake up
hold on
wake up
got something stuck right here
it could be gone
I think it's looking up from here
blazing fires fuel my eyes
I'm just back in the water
doesn't matter
never has
I have this
wake up
I'veneverwantedwhatineverwantedionlywantedwhatiwanted
life's abrupt
"grow up"
I already have

bye

conception
grace
time
waiting
beds
money
more money
spent
gone
fighting
loving
hugging
kissing
slapping
screaming
sleeping
waiting
more waiting
more fighting
broken
birth
baby
sleeping
tired
laughing
crying
all three
fighting
sleep
older
growing
crawling
talking
and walking
sleeping (all the time)
sickness
and health
more or less wealth
tired
sleep
school
friends
come back home
sleep
do it all over again
grow
again
watch
parents
fight
bite
kiss
eat
regain consciousness
remembrance
middle school
growing
girls and boys
boys and girls
attraction
satisfaction
hormones
deadly
parents fighting
parents loving
sleeping all the time
killed inside
confused
laughing
immature
maturing
High School
relationships
joking
camps and fights
realization
forget conception
grow older
become an adult through
broken
friendships
and glass
in the mind
sleeping all the time
dreams
remembrance of
reality and fiction
crescendo
music
writing
movies
books
TV
parents fighting
no longer loving
become an adult
fall out of love
and into confusion
into an ever deeper love
obsess
question
(do they?)
realize
have a good time
or not
graduate
go to college (or not)
***
***
***
***
***
or not
graduate (or not)
sleeping (all the time)
home
marriage
job
kids
work
accomplish
don't accomplish sit
sleep
fight
eat
sleep
sleeping (all the time)
no such thing
as kids or
partners
alone
realize
everyone's gone
dreams
gone
life asleep
like you
work
success or no success
you must try (just a little)
and then die

sun's looking down at my face
looking up at the ways
I come undone

and everybody can talk
everybody can sing
I got one less ring

but it's going to be alright
god things are looking up
so beautiful got
reassurance  stuffed within my pocket
(I just have to take it out)

and I know
she goes
I got your everything
and I see
you please
I know that I can be this
why
would I ever want to be someone
who couldn't do anything at all
(just put your mind to it, it's got everything to do with you
can take off a bite and chew, then you're golden)

your a star
I know it's true
and perhaps I just don't know
what to do if I just want to get closer to you
and I never wanted to freeze up by a friend, but I have to start back at the end. I hold on
empty in the rain
this will happen again and again and again

unless I do something about it
be the instigator I never
thought that I could be
and then maybe you can see
I just am empty in a void
I got out and here I am
still reaching almost
being ****** back in
but no

it's going to be alright
have to get through without a fight
and down goes the night
the sun's looking down on my face
I am no longer a disgrace
to
the end
I just need to know
that
I can
it shouldn't be this hard
to be in your presence
(I've gotten out of my chains that I've had before but they want to take me back)
again
hold on to
the beauty that's within you
and out I just don't-

it's going to be alright
it's going to be
alright
since I've got reassurance stuffed inside my pocket
I just have to take it out.