If I’d known
Through all the pain
That at the end of it all
Would be this day
Never would I have
Wanted to leave
Never would I have
Felt any unease
For today my life
Is beautiful again
And I wish I knew it
Way back then

What a bitter pill,
A sour sip to swill,
I tell myself I won’t,
But I know I probably will.
What a toxic **** to take,
A brutal bone to break.
I taught myself to feel less,
For not mine, but others’ sake.
What a needless needle *****,
A sickness still so sick.
I told them I was fine now,
But we all know blood is thick.
What a hapless happy day,
A war to feel okay.
I say I don’t believe in gods,
But still I have to pray.

I suppose I’d be a liar
If I said I wasn’t jealous
To see you in the sun
With some girl that isn’t me
But I suppose I’d be a hypocrite
If I acted like I’m better
Because I’ve moved on as well
Though you don’t look so you don’t see
There’s just something about you
That will always make me shiver
Something that always makes my heartbeat Start to beat a little faster
There’s just something about it
All the time we spent together
That will always make me smile
And sometimes make me want to cry
I suppose I’d be a liar
If I claimed I never loved you
And I think you know you would be too
If you said you never loved me

I don’t believe in heaven
But if I somehow did
I know you’d be there waiting for me
How you were back when you lived
I don’t believe in heaven
But if I went there I would see
Four little furry faces
So happy to see me
I don’t believe in heaven but
Sometimes I wish I could
If you had ever spoken I think
You’d say that I should
Because
The closest I’ve been to heaven
Was being loved by you
The innocent love from pets now lost
Is the truest love it’s true

The world didn’t end,
When I was fifteen.
I woke the next day,
As I’d always been.
I didn’t quit life,
When I was twenty five.
I put them all first,
Now I’m here, still alive.
Though it may sound like
A strange thing to say.
I can’t imagine me leaving
In any other way.
I still feel it so
Deeply inside.
That by my own hand,
Is the way I will die.

Don’t like,
Don’t look.
Don’t want,
Don’t read.
If you do,
Then I’m not
In control
If you bleed

I spend my nights
In shining armour
To intently avoid
With ardour
Any hint or sniff
Of Love
I can’t allow it in
Because
If my nights are left
Wide open
My heart unguarded will
Be broken
So I spend my nights
In shining armour
Alone and safe
For ever after