Oh how greatful i am that you have come into my life. The anticipation is overwhelming,  thinking of one day bejng your wife. I wish i could show you, how loved you make me feel. And i know that yours is the touch that showed me live is real. As i lie in bed at night, i wish you were hear. Hand grabing firmly yet gently from ear to ear. I shouldnt be doing this, i need to get some rest. But with thoughts of you my hands softly caress my breast. I other hand wondering down my sheets to find such a mess. I dream of you often and what our life would be like, holding hands as we walk the beach and the children on bikes. Do you want what i want, can you see what i see?  I wake up with a small puddle under me.  I wish  you could taste it, its so phat soft and sweet. Griping your head firmly, bon appetite. I need to get up and take a shower, but that may make it worst. Ill use cold water to calm me dowm although i shouldve use warm water first. This is not working, i need something inside. You are not able to come so ill shallow my pride. That thing my sister bought me, never tried but im pretty sure it will work. She said it easy enough, stick it to the floor or wall and twerk. I dont know if i could do this, nor have i ever wanted to try. But my urges are overwhelming and im sensitive all over, no lie. I guess ill go and get it, it seems to be the only option i have. ( as i walk, day dreaming of that time you were in the bath. I placed a towel on your face, because i didnt want you to see. Then i picked him and put him in my mouth and ****** like a slurpy. Then slowly step in and got right into place, so i could sit down, not in the water but on your face.) Ive made it to my room and for sure ive changed my mind, only because i waited so long  amd mom will be here anytime. Well, maybe for a little bit, no one here to catch me, but just as i started, a bang at the door. Who, could that be? Why are they pounding so hard, **** i wish someone would pound me. I run to door swing ot open, its my baby. I dont know or care how you got here. I just really need you to help me, you see i have this inch, inside, deep in my *****. Do you think you can help me? Do you think you can reach?  Bent me over daddy, im your student, ready for you to teach. As crawl on all four and the you soft grab my hair. I start to leak a little and wake up again amd you are not there.  ****, i was so close, but not close enough it would seem, well back to sleep to try and continue that dream.

(From her perspective)

I am hurting in inside, and i dont know what to do. Because  on hand I love, want,  but the other hand i cant stand you. Why do you make me feel this way? Why do i allow it? I was fine before i fell for you, so i know your love i can do with out it. But how? i dont want to.  I wish i could pour into you the words, i need to hear.  To quall my hopes, and subsidie my fears. But it not my places, these things need to be done on your own, in your own space. How do we move forward, when my pleas are falling to deaf ear. We could be talking, but it seem as if your not here. Sweep me off my feet, hold me and tell me you love me.  Not just you love me, so you can touch me.  Where are we going? What do you want for us? This relationship, i hope is build on more then lust. What do you need from me? What can i do to make you happy? Do you see us years from now living happily? Tell me how will we get there? Because there is so, so far from here. And when i think about all of this, my eyes start to tear.  Because it cannot be what i want, but what is best for us as we move on. I just hope we figure it out before this feel is all gone.

(From her prospective)
There is no one i want to make me feel the way you do. I know this sounds corny , but you turned my gray skies blue. There is no one, but you that i want to share my life with. I will hold your secrets and love and take an oath or pled the 5th. We can be so great together, if only you could see. There is no better life for you without me. I know how that sounds and its pretty confident of me but i know what you need, its quite easy to see. You need someone to hold you, when the cold nights are long, you need someone to stand up to you and tell you your wrong. You need someone that gonna always have you back, you need someone who is there to help pick up the slack. I want to be that someone, if only you could see. Instead we fight over petty things, and whose to blame , Me. We could be so great together, i feel it because i have already gotten a taste. But then some days i just want to mush you in the face. Not physically but figuratively. Do you want me? Baby why is this are tough, we push and pull, but i fear one day we both will have had enough.
I will project just a bit, so you can see, what i see. 5 years down the road. Its you, OUR children and me. In our own home living stress free. Me rubbing your head as we watch tv.  And you hilding me tightly as we drift to sleep. Can you see it? Do you want to? Because all i know is i want you. But i dont want the pain you bring when you dont get your way. The word you say in such a way. I dont want that, why would you say such words, knowing that the pain they cause, how would you feel if thats what you heard? I have waited to find someone to love me for me but i wont compromise what ive built,  it sound harsh but im speaking clearly.  I sometime wonder do i live with "in love" glasses on, i bypass all the stuff you do even though i know its wrong. Was i so lonely that i let my standards slip? Because in time pass if anyone would have done some of the things you have done, i been would have dipped. A heart is a very fragle thing, very similar to glass. Once it broke there no other option but to throw it in the trash. Our life can be as great as we want it to be, as long as we handle our business, well be together like fish in sea. I could go on and on about what life would be like but if you dont want this please just walk out of my life, dont get my hopes up of one day being your wife. Just go and dont look back, and when  your sad and lonely, dont call me just think back. Think of what you had and what you have lost. I want this but at what cost? Do you see where im coming from and can you see where i going. I had fallen for you with me even knowing. So yes i have high expectations, because you did this to me. So keep your word and make me happy.

I got demons on my shoulder telling me what am I supposed to do. Confused.... should I listen and is what they're telling me is true?

Your supposed to have an angel and the other, well you know but I seem to have two of the same so is hell were I'm dynasted to go?

I tried to get advise but everything they seem to say is wrong. And if I continue down the path I'm going I know I won't last for to long.

It could be the simplest question, basic things you go thru in life. Yet the answer always seems be the same and ends with me under the knife.

I thought about not listening but then again why not, the choices we make are our and the answer we seem to have forgot.

So if you have to demons like me, mind the the things you say and do, because when you look in the mirror there are no demon, it's just you.

If you only knew what I ive long to do to you, what would you say better what would you do.
I can tell you now that I never wanted anything more, Like a astronaut dying to explore.
Reaching new places no one has yet seen, ill break it down a little more so you know what i mean.
Passion for you expressed but never shown, the love of a queen from a king on his throne.
If you only knew that I would take you away, shall we hide  and ride this cloud until judgement day.

Sometimes is life you want people to do things but it doesnt always work like that.
Ive found if you let them do it on their own it will normally work out.
Two halfs make a whole. Puzzle pieces naturally fit.
Sometime waiting on the wrong person you will loose the right person.
Live life and always keep your head up. Love yourself. And dont  wait for anything, waiting and looking on for the wrong bus, an the right bus will pass you by.

In my opinion there 3 types of love. UNCONDITIONAL  love, LUST love and SETTLED love. Let me explain:

(Settled) Sometimes if life you come across people that you think you have that forever, unconditional love, but truly you just SETTLED. You may have a few things in common, you like the same stuff and yet you still find yourself thinking of someone else or you still find yourself hurting, afraid to be alone. Afraid of what going to happen to the kids. Stop using your kids to settle, the best love for you will be the best love for them.
(LUST)
I can make you feel good right now, really good, I could kiss the nape of your neck as my fingers crawl up the back of your head. Gaze into your eyes, kiss your lips softly as my hand slowly moves across the rest of your body. Whispering ***** deeds in your ear. Exploiting the stream now flowing down your thigh. Any way you get the picture.  
(UNCONDITIONAL)
Im broke and i cant get you anything today but i call you up and say I LOVE YOU, i took the time to write you a letter and made you a paper heart. I get home and you dont care about anything, your just happy to see me. I give you the letter and the heart that i made. As a tear flows down your face you except them saying these are getter that any money i could have paid.  Which love do you have??

Lip as soft as pillows,  can I lean in a have as taste? Pure ecstasy,  bliss taking you to outer space. Walls collapsing,  flood gates broken releasing in bounty. Lost in passion wanting you to mount me. Hands  traveling, exploring the curves and dips of your body. Still enjoy your cloud based lips. If you havnt guess already , I mean the ones between your hips.

    " Sorry, was that out loud?? I truly am sorry. Sometime my mind... lol."

How do i face tomorrow? when i can barely face today?
How do i move on when where i was is where i wanted to stay?
How do  you  know when you been holding on to long? How come things that used to make sence now seem all wrong?
How do I deal with all this pain inside? How do you cope when all i can do is cry?
How do I move on?  How do I?.....
HOW???

Pardon my intrusion. And so there is no confusion. This must be an illusions. My brain going into contusions. From the images well the image of the an angel I  saw the other day.  Its stardolled me as she caught me staring her way. The profound beauty what do I say. Breath taken away. Mind drawing only a blank......  
           I approach her and say      
                                                     "Eyes stolen from the heavens.  Shall I gaze and be lost like an astronomer as his scope wonders the sky. I am also lost there, ****** in like a black hole agonist the galaxy's.  Traveling endlessly in a vast void and still so beautiful. Searching to escape but yet still drawn in. Excuse my stare, please forgive is my plea. But men have travels worlds to find, what I now steal for only me."

Women what happen to standards? Do you not realize every time you open your legs(****** or not) your body is changed. "Turn down for what?" SELF RESPECT. He love you yet he cant seem to be enough. From girls night out ( TRANLASTION: Bust a new ***** so if THIS ***** start trippn......) to "shes going through  something and needs me."( TRANLASTION: Im out and hes gettin it to night) yall to much. But to be real  he know this and still he stays. FOREVER LOYAL. He trys to brighten your day with the little things, but i guess so small you never even see it SLAVES to the clock to buy you nice things. And still none of this matter. He return home to your friends or ***** house or UNEXPLAINED ATTITUDE. Mysterious investigation of his           belongings,  constant  interrogation. For what??? He doesn't know. How can he see a wife in you if a wife  you are not. A wife/wifey(girlfriend) is holds him down even before her because SHE KNOWS although he is strong he still can be weak. She feed him and f__ks him because SHE KNOWS thats what he NEEDS. When he is tired she accommodate to him. He is king and she is QUEEN. These rolls are important and SHE KNOWS this. He returns home not wanting anything/ or anyone but her and SHE KNOWS that. She is his everything, his PORNSTAR. She is his rock and he is hers. SHE KNOWS she can not fall if she holds on to him and SHE DOES  with confidence.

I havnt found her yet, she out there. I just take one day at a time.

What is she doing when she walks away telling me , shes off to the rest room each and every day. Oh.. how I wonder what is in her pants, if she only knew ive longged to see her dances. How graceful she'll move as she dips to the floor, glancing around feeling the music even more. But where does she go, as she does often leave, freshing up returning smelling of a rose in a breezes. ****... can I taste you ? Do you taste as sweet? Would you mind if I layed you down and had a bite to eat? Back to work she never bustin a sweat, got me pondering are things that im saying making you wet? She was my co worker, I remember those days, the smile on her face and her eyes in her daze. Simple whispers in her ear would cause her to blush, then she off to the bathroom pant full of mush. Waterfalls pouring, she should have brought a towel. And Ill test my theory, for we get off work in a short while.

You been in a situation for quite some time now but i think your not happy so i dont see how. Why would you settle if you are worth so much more ?At your ripe age you have the world to explore. I think you should take a chance and try something new, spontaneous, no thought a decision right out the blue.  But keep that clear mind, and to thy self be true. But i think you settle for the way things are and im happy for you. But tell me something can you picture this? A long walk on the beach, a long moon lite kiss. Eating plates of lobster and having a few drinks. Red lipstick now fading to pink. Long night of dancing or even catch a show, it really wouldnt matter because your happy so just go. Trips on boats, traveling across blue sea, eat exotic food as your hair blowing in the breeze. Rendezvous in nice places, with a special friend, maybe a little role playing or a game of pretend. I dont know it your choice and yours alone to make, but i just have one question "How long does your happiess have to wait?"

untitled part 2
                              
                            

Late at  night while I lay in my bed. I feel your warmth on and around my head. The way you would hold me, just as I fell alseep. A kiss on my brow, lips and then cheek. A soft whisper in my ear as you bid me adue. And when I awake in the morrow I realize I must live another day without you. Sometimes it hard to breathe, and you know humans cant live without a heart. They say everyday is a new journey, yet I dont know where to start. I dont want a new journey, I just want you here with me. And things will be so much better now, then when they used to be. I wish my thought could float to you, so that you could hear them loud and clear. And all I want to say is "oh how I love you"and "I wish you where here." I hold you in my heart but like I said it really not there, your gone now And its in much need of repair. Cant really do much with out you crossing my mind but I cant stay in that place to long, I break down everytime. But sometimes I think and some days Im cry, and my mood changes and no one understand why. As I go about my day I sware I see you everywhere, but then I have to tell myself that you are no longer there... well..... no longer here. Passion onces shared yet drifted away, for you to love me is all I want today. Its all I want tonight and the day after. I only see you in my dreams so I wish this day would go faster. Now im home once again and I lay in my bed  waiting for the moment your warmth touches my head.

As I walk Thru the valley of shadow of death, I will fear no evil. I will keep my head high, and look for brighter days for thou art with me.

I once had a conversation with a figure when I thought I was sleep. The conversation was of the contents of life and the there after. He ask me to walk with him, and the comfort I felt was like talking to my closes friend. I could not see his face nor could I remember his voice. He knew everything about me and what transpired in my life. I asked so many question I always wanted to know. He began to answer as he ushered to me a certain way. We continue to walk as time seemed to stand still. I began to wonder who he truly was. How does he know all this? Where was he leading me? I began to get nervous and asked could turn back. He began to explain  and expressed the life I knew was gone. I tried to turn but he blocked my way. He held out his hand and said it time, don't be afraid come with me. I placed my hand into his, hoping id awake soon. He stated this was no dream as if he was reading my mind. His hand was ice cold. My body felt light as air. I wanted to scream. But I felt no breathe left in me. He pulled me close.....And as he stated the life I knew had ended.

Such a beautiful death.

Deaths Whisper.....

"Hello there friend? How have you been?"

Who are you? Where are you?

"We are old friends, In a place long forgotten."

Why are you here? What do you want?

"Just to a see a friend off before his long journey"

Where are you going? And who is this friend?

"To a place where there are no familiar faces"

You never been there before? Y are you going?

"Because everything has it time, and its time"

But why are you here? What do you want with me?

"A companion"

How long is this journey? How will you get there?

"This journey may seem as forever, and by means of a boat."

Why me as your companion? Why not someone else?

"Every journey must be made alone, I can only take you there."

Take me where? What are you talking about?

"Its time"

Wait....what do you mean? Do i have to go?

"Today is your day tomorrow is someone else."

I am afraid I dont want to die.

"Everything has its time, and its time"

There is so much trapped/bottled up in my head, afraid to squander out the past expressions I’ve said. The hearts I have hurt with a simple twitch of my lead and a little more I’d have them in my bed. I must contain these thoughts/feeling because if left unattended they can do more damage than I've ever intended. So I threw them all down, no pencil, no paper. Thoughts of when a few words your girlfriend i would take her. With lies and false dreams, and infatuation never known, misting her underlings forcing her to moan. Beguiling her intrigue, astonishing her mind, sipping her slowly as one would taste of fine wine. No more passage for me with these works I am done, they are far too dangerous although they were fun.

How lucky he is.. I wonder does he even know. To wake beside you, to make you heart race as he pumps slow. To feel your warmth as your bodies collide. Kissing your neck as he slides inside. To know that your waiting everyday when he comes home, hoping for the moment he DM you on your phone. Knowing other ****** want you but all you want is him. And the chance of you stepping out your situation on him is slim. I wonder does he even know when he's gone how you shuffle through your phone. Watching old videos of him Making You Moan. I Wonder does he notices, the way you stare when he eats, the butterflys you get when ever your eyes meet. Does he take it for granted that you will always be there? And no matter what he does, if it didn't embarrass/hurt you, that you wouldn't ever care. How lucky he is to be the one who makes you sigh,  holding you close as he explores between your thighs. Does he notices the little things? like you love when he put his arm around your waist. Or the cute little thing he does and he began to make that face. Only if he knew the way you felt after the first time you made love. How he made feel, as if he was sent from heaven above. How you longed for the next time, and the time after that. How lucky he is... I wonder does he even know?

You don’t even know me, never noticed me before that day. How many times have we crossed paths and you didn’t even look my way? How strange it must sound all these things i have to say, never hearing them before has a strange effect that way. “How could he love me?” You must be asking yourself that everyday, “why is he saying these thing in such a way?” “ How do you love someone you barely even know ?” Or how do you show them so that they believe that it’s so? I want you to believe me, and all i say it true. To be honest i don’t know how i fell for you. All I know is I did and I’m stuck now, and my daily mission is to make you see how. How we could be happy, how we could be free. Just go to work and come home just you and me. But still i have worries of why would you go? Because the true way you feel about he and I, I don’t really know .

Everyday I wonder how life would be, if I were him and he was me. How happy you’d be lying at night next to me, just been through ecstasy.

Will you wonder with me?

Wonder with me into the the dead of night, where air is so cold you’d long for me to hold you tight. Will you wonder with me to the soft part of the grass? A nice place, we have found it at last. Lay you down softly as I slowly creep inside, kissing you all over as i began to spread your legs wide. Gripping your hair tightly preventing all chance of escape, slowly deep stroking seeing how much you can take. Moving your body gently as we form like ball and glove, experiencing new feeling far beyond that of love. Can you take all of me? I’ll be gentle as I slide and glide inside, holding you ever closer preparing you for the ride. I know you can take from the way to glance at me, overwhelming your mind and body, trained passion passed down to me. We pause.. You take a breath but your body yearning for more, so I carry you from grass to house on tables and floors. Bed to couch, hallways and walls. Overly active fluids pouring as if a waterfall. Shall I drink you like water? Bone dry to the last drop? A stroke up and a stroke lef, i promise you won’t want me to stop. But i dig in, like spoon and fork is to meal.Not really for you but the love of the thrill. Bite two lips up top and bite two lips below, creamy filling flowing out. Do you taste like caramelo? Slower nibbles turn to bites, you pleading to get away, I guess i’ll wait until wonder is today.

If a star fell from the sky would you try to catch it? Even if you knew if you did you would be burnt alive? But to hold something so beautiful for just a second, wouldn’t it be worth it? Would you travel back in time to do it again? I know I would.

Beauty once held can be held no longer.Hand gripping tightly but its not to be.

Im am speechless, my breath was taken away by this Beauty I saw just the other day. I mean it happen so quickly as she glanced my way. Slowly approaching and a breeze on a warm summer’s day. Today we touched for the very first time but although it as brief, the feeling blew my mind. She had touched me before, I was unable to touch back...but OH MY GOD. I could fall for her and i wouldn’t know how to act. This is tripping me out, like when kissed me and no words would come out, in all my excitement i could even shout. Only soft whisper, air taking away. But the looks of her OUTSIDE and the way this feel INSIDE, oh and her smell when she walks by…..Im stuck with my mouth wide but still speechless.