waves of nausea rip through me
when realizing the inevitable
fighting back the tears
that aren't of sadness
   but of desperation
and buckling under the weakness
of giving up
   deflated
i try clearing my head
to consider what went wrong
then slowly turn back to start over

i'll climb this mountain if it kills me.

brown hair
green eyes
****?
respectable size

I sat up all night
and thought about you,
darling,
and your lips
and hands
and the curve of your hips
and the way you pronounce things
and all the simple
tiny
idiosyncrasies
that embody you
and how I'll never again be able
to see those lips
and hands
and hips
without thinking of
the bitter contrast between
summer's warmth
and
winter's harsh bite.

I'll leave my window open
            so in darkness-deep
            maybe, just maybe
            you'll hear me weep.

-

I wrote you a love letter,
sent it to you through the mail
Barely legible (it was my handwriting)
but something that came straight from my heart
You said it was the most beautiful
thing you have ever received

And I just want you to know,
I meant every word

Do people actually fall in love?
I've never wanted to dance
in the road in a rain shower
with a man so beautiful
he makes my chest hurt.

No one has ever made
my heart skip a beat,
except when it was fear.

Do people actually fall in love?
It all seems like lust to me.
Lust is such an empty thing.
Love is supposed to be warm,
Burning hot, even.
It's supposed to make you feel full.
But lust is all I see,
Like a match,
Intense and fiery,
But fleeting.

It's not love.