I can in so unaware,
and so naive.
You used that against me.
It was all new.
Day in and day out,
on my feet for hours,
trying my **** hardest,
and the anixity eating me away.
It didn’t matter,
it was never enough.
An accident I never meant to happen,
and I was written up.
Two weeks just shy of two months since my first day,
and written up three more times.
It was then I couldn’t take it anymore.
You weren’t going to tear me down any further.
And I wasn’t going to let you win.
So I walked out the door with my head held high.
No goodbye.

Dear Hope,

When I have nothing left,
you are there.
When everything is right,
you are cheering me on.
When it’s all wrong,
you are moving me forward.
You wake me up each morning,
and you get me through the day.
You put that smile on my face,
even when the strength inside of me is dwindling.
You keep me steady,
and you never doubt tomorrow.
When fear tries to overcome my soul,
you shine the light that chases away the darkness.
You never let me fall,
and you wipe away all the tears.
When everything seems uncertain,
you are sure it will be okay.
For you aren’t just Hope.
You are God,
Truth and Savior,
my everlasting anchor.
Thank you.

Love,
Forever Hopeful

This world I was born to hasn’t been so nice.
In the years that have passed,
my eyes have seen so much.
In one lifetime, it’s more than anyone can take.
Buildings collapsing,
and planes falling.
Bombs exploding,
and guns going off.
Too many lives lost too soon.
Storms raging with a force that rips apart the places people call home,
and disagreements turning into full on wars.
Music that once comforted,
ending with notes that some heard for the last time.
It’s enough to bring me to my knees,
begging God to stop it.
I don’t want another person lost before their time,
or the pain in my heart to grow any bigger.
The scars already surround every part of its’ surface.
And I’m not sure how many tears I have left,
before I call it quits.

When everything’s not alright,
and you feel yourself fading,
don’t put out the light.
Please don’t surrender to the darkness.
As hard as the days are,
and as overwhelming as the sadness is,
don’t fall.
Hold yourself up by whatever faith you have left.
Don’t let the demons whisper in your head.
Shut them out and show them you are stronger.
Remember that with each breath,
you are winning.
Even if each breath takes all you have,
keep moving.
Keep living.

These emotions I hide,
pretending to be strong,
when secretly I want to fall apart.
Is it bad I don’t want to be me?
When everything I do is wrong
and I can’t seem to get it right.
I hate myself for it
and a part of me wishes I could cry.
A part of me wishes I could do something else and go somwhere far away.  
Maybe a place I was more appreciated,
and where I didnt fell like a number.

This year has not been my year.
Ups and mostly downs,
Never feeling quite like myself.
January was my lowest,
a loss of a family member shook me to the core.
Changes came after and nothing went right.
My heart still aches and my head spins.
I’m not sure what to do.
But faith is the only thing that holds me together.
Not faith in myself, but faith in God.
Hoping this storm passes and I will be okay.
Maybe I’m meant for something different,
somewhere away from this all.

I trip over myself day after day,
caught in the web that was so skillfully crafted.
Not right, not perfect, a failure to say the least.
Shame and I now know each other all too well,
and sadness shares in our company.
We’re three peas in pod.
And in my head they play these silent games,
making me feel as ****** as can be.
It’s hard to get rid of them.
They’re stuck like glue,
tangled in the mess I made.
I wish I was more confident,
and a little more brave.
Because maybe then I wouldn’t feel this way,
and maybe then I would finally believe in myself,
and all the wrongs would finally disappear.