I stay behind the screens,
watching from far away from
friends laughing in pleasant light,
while I shrink into the corners
like dust nobody will sweep up.


They talk freely and
my words rot in my throat.
Every “how are you?”
is like an exam I already failed
so I smile with hollow notes.


I want to say I miss you all,
but it hangs like guilt in my chest.
I want to ask can you see me?
But I already know the rest.
I'm just that blur in the group picture
there, but never really there.


It's not your fault that you don’t notice.
I made it easy for you to ignore.
I shrink back into smallness even quieter
than background noise,
somewhere along the way
I started to believe I was less than nothing more.


But still
I watch. I care. I wish.
Even if I can’t speak it right.
Even if my silence
is all that you remember.

Yes you do need to leave your room
You should not remain sitting at your table
And you must listen to many other voices
Do not ever simply wait

You do need to leave your room
Don't wait, and don't be so still and solitary
Be restless and numinary, no matter
How troubling, how counter to your nature this may seem

You do need to leave your room
The world will never freely offer itself
To you for its unmasking
You must request this pleasure, you must
Attend each ceremony

You do need to leave your room
Nature may have no choice, but you have a chance
It will never roll in ecstasy at your feet
Nor will it writhe in raptures before you
Come on now, did you really believe
This is the way it would ever be

Yes you do need to leave your room

They say it's nothing
Just a cold
Bt why do I feel
Like the world
Is sitting on my chest.

I try to rest
Bt the night presses too close
And my back aches
Like it's holding a sorrow
It doesn't understand.

It's just cold
Bt it hurts
In ways I can't explain.