I’m anticipating the day when I wake up with no eyelashes
or when the four ones of my clock turn into two’s
or when all the stars are reabsorbed into the blackness of the sky
because I’ve used them all up

I’ve tied a wish around every lash, number and star
and sent it off into the space between us
in the hopes that you have done the same
and our wishes will collide and be real;
tangible

on those four ones, I wished that
tonight,
more than any other night,
I could hold you in my arms
in my bed, or a bath, or a fluorescently lit parking lot,
and melt you into me;
grasping at your red t-shirt,
inhaling your scent
tonight, more than any other night,
I wish I could run across the distance that separates us
and just simply touch you,
run my fingers across your skin
and feel you flutter and sharpen when I reach your heart

all the fibers of my lashes;
tiny hairs of my DNA,
are covered with wishes
to see your whole body move in sync with your voice

and all the ones are wrapped with the hope
that I can see the expanse of pink and purple sky sitting next to you
and to no longer look at the same one together
but from afar

and those stars only brighten when I think of
how badly I want to kiss all the words and symbols that cover your body

but
I only have so many lashes
and maybe one day my clock will skip the ones before I can see them
there are only so many stars that remain
so I only have so many thoughts
and hopes
and wishes
to attach them to
before soon enough,
I will only be wishing on blank stares
and ticking stares
and tar-coated skies

I only wish on these because I can feel the memory of your escaping me
some days I can’t remember what your laughter sounds like
or how your fingers felt across my back
or how your voice quivered when you asked to kiss me
those moments are escaping me
and I want to be reminded
I want to expose the film of all the photographs I took in my mind
of our time:
T.O. and B.C.:
you and me
and I want more than anything to take more pictures
and record your laughter
and put paint on your fingers as you drag them across my skin
so I am never apart from you.

and so my lashes and ones and stars are laced with thoughts
and hopes
and moments
with you
to come back
to be near
to envelop me.

Children believe in the tooth fairy because of their parents deception. They don't know any better. They are too young to know that sometimes people lie. Not because it's their only option, simply because they find it in their best interest for some odd reason. I believed that you loved me because you said you did. I didn't know any better. I was too young to know that sometimes people say they love you even when they don't. Not because it's their only option, simply because they find it in their best interest for some odd reason.

How was it in your best interest?

When I told you I loved you I meant it. I knew that it wasn't in my best interest but I said it anyway.

All I cared about was you.

Did it hurt this bad to find out that the tooth fairy wasn't real?

I just want you
to be happy
but sometimes
and selfishly
I want to be
your happiness

But
'happiness is a choice'
you say
and you didn't choose me

I clung onto the idea
since you made me happy
it would be the same for you

What is happiness now?
where has it gone to?
In time, society has robbed us
the real meaning of happiness

Go on your own way
and pursue your happiness
for your smile, is my smile
your laugh, is my laugh

and I'll be happy
when you find your happiness
because I love you
always have, always will

Fifty years from now,
I won't be in your arms.
I won't be kissing you
Or falling asleep to the sound of your voice.
I'll be married to a man who isn't you
And you'll be married to a woman who isn't me.
But I can bear the thought of that.
I'm sure that other man will be the love of my life.
I just wanted you to know,
Even long after we part and find love with others,
You'll still have scars on my heart and memories in my mind.
Because a love like we have,
Can never be completely forgotten.
Not even fifty years from now.