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 Mar 2015 Michaela Ferris
ryn
This smile that makes your day...
This undaunted smile that seem to say.
Show me yours too so we both could play,
On a plane where everything is fine...
Everything's okay...

This smile that reaches out to you...
With nothing but invisible arms.
Caresses your eyes and draws you in.
Entices you with the sweetest charms.

Whispers you tales of a brightly lit future;
Where we're trapped in dance with each other...
Supporting...
Leading...
Lifting and,
Seducing one another...

Let the music ring clear,.
Over the thumping of our heartbeats...
Aggressively segmenting, framing the dance into seconds that would elapse.
Like two duelists entranced into committing tender jousts and retreats.

But know that...
This smile screams only lies.
For it is but a routine mask.
So well worn and adequately rehearsed...
You'd never see the need to ask.

Instead you'd just allow yourself be taken,
To a place where the tide gently beats...
Upon the shore our two ailing hearts.
A place where earth and sky would meet.

When in fact,
It hides the turmoil and agitation.
Guarding the storm that brews incessantly.
Continuously threatening
To breach this shared sanctity with me.

A haven would've then be erected.
That very instant we allowed...
This dance of smiles
From time of first contact to the time we bowed.

This smile... Only took a second
To paint a peaceful picture upon my face.
Free from the pressures building behind my pursed lips.
Just take this smile so that in that second,
We could get lost in the promise of a heavenly place...
I Am Not Yours
Sara Teasdale, 1884 - 1933


I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.

Oh plunge me deep in love—put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind.
And see this poem set to music...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cUbI8ibYZo


I was fortunate enough to see the New World School of Arts High School Choir perform  it last night...the music led me to the poetry and Ms. Teasdale will make an appearance in my next poem...

On August 8, 1884, Sara Trevor Teasdale was born in St. Louis, Missouri, into an old, established, and devout family. She was home-schooled until she was nine and traveled frequently to Chicago, where she became part of the circle surrounding Poetry magazine and Harriet Monroe. Teasdale published Sonnets to Duse, and Other Poems, her first volume of verse, in 1907. Her second collection, Helen of Troy, and Other Poems, followed in 1911, and her third, Rivers to the Sea, in 1915.

In 1914 Teasdale married Ernst Filsinger; she had previously rejected a number of other suitors, including Vachel Lindsay. She moved with her new husband to New York City in 1916. In 1918, she won the Columbia University Poetry Society Prize (which became the Pulitzer Prize for poetry) and the Poetry Society of America Prize for Love Songs, which had appeared in 1917. She published three more volumes of poetry during her lifetime: Flame and Shadow (1920), Dark of the Moon (1926), and Stars To-night (1930). Teasdale’s work had always been characterized by its simplicity and clarity, her use of classical forms, and her passionate and romantic subject matter. These later books trace her growing finesse and poetic subtlety. She divorced in 1929 and lived the rest of her life as a semi-invalid. Weakened after a difficult bout with pneumonia, Teasdale committed suicide on January 29, 1933, with an overdose of barbiturates. Her final collection, Strange Victory appeared posthumously that same year.
"i love you"
you can say it time and time again
-
you've never been in love the way you are now
pure and innocent
like flowers that have just bloomed
(so beautifully, you can't see)
fragrant bouquets
you have created like a skilled florist
in a dying, abandoned town


you've never held someone's hand the way you do now
comforting and desperate
like a baby's grip
(you don't ever have to let go)
on a touched mother
who never existed and never breathed
amongst our pathetic little crowns


you've never been understood the way you are now
completely and wholeheartedly
like a wonderfully written song
(your voice is my favourite tune)
absolute harmony
we have perfected and sung sanguinely
in a world full of noise
-
but know that it won't matter
for all of you is love to me


// please remember that strength and brokenness don't mend well together, but darling, i'm willing to scream at the top of my lungs while you whisper lullabies to me because you are my constant in a world full of change. and i know we may be puzzle pieces still searching, but with some scissors and glue, we may become a perfect fit, ready to start anew. //
thousands of kids enter the school
I crouch in the corner, trapped
my limbs shake and my heart races

my mom wants to buy a new purse
I shrink away, run to the door
my legs wont move but my mind runs

my best friend didn't call me back
does she need help? does she hate me?
my last meal is being flushed away

*Generalized Anxiety
i dont talk about my anxiety much
 Jun 2014 Michaela Ferris
n
do you know how much it hurts
do you know how much I cry
do you know how much blood I've lost on purpose
do you know how much pain has demanded to be felt
do you know how many sleepless nights I've had
do you know how many pillows I cried through
do you know how many blades I've used
do you know how many scars I've made
do you know how many haunting thoughts I've had
do you know how many wishes I made
do you know how much I want to be different
do you know how many times I've been so angry it's bought tears to my eyes
do you know what I've had to deal with
do you know anything
no
because if you did you wouldn't still be here
- n
I'm tired of always being the problem..
I thought I had it..
For once I thought I found the one person that actually loved me..
I should have known it was too good to be true.
I shouldn't have even said yes to home after he left me the first time..
We all make mistakes.. Mine just so happened to cost me my best friend..
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