My blue mixed with your storms
makes a raging torrent
and all we can do is hold on.

The blue is over our heads now,

arms up,

drifting


The cold is settled into my bones now,

brittle and frozen,

breakable.


This feeling is too familiar now,

written many times before,

repetitive.


All I can do is wait for the sun now,

reaching to the surface,

floating.

the water's in my lungs again

and I can't even breathe with full oxygen

the waves aren't at my feet anymore,

they're at my throat, and I'm barely

still standing on my feet

I can feel that one wrong move

will pull me deeper into the cold

stray waves wish to cast me aside

my toes dig in, not ready to leave

just enough water to splash into

my mouth and nose, I can feel

the sloshing in my chest,

heavy, heavier by the second

so hard to breathe.

I dig my toes in a little deeper,

not ready to be flung into currents

that I know will grasp my soul

in an icy grip, pulled from between

my aching teeth, clenched tight

my smile probably doesn't quite

look right anymore, I'm left

with this growing grimace

salt stings my eyes,

wishes to leave me blind

even more hopeless than

I could've been before

my chest is tight, heart held close

what little warmth to keep a pulse

as the waves keep surging higher

and my neck can't save me now,

I have to choose to let go

release my toes or watch my vision

fill with cold blue so I can't see you

because you've been here all this time

but you cannot feel the waves

you cannot hear the crashing

that continues to call my name

your hand was there, I waited so long

and now I can only frantically hold on

as the waves push, and they try

to pull me away to the darker day

please, just let me stay.

I hear them again,
the waves lapping at the shore

The tide seeping in,
gradually roaring louder

This isn't right,
it shouldn't be time

The moon doesn't decide
this ocean's fate, though

So it surges wild,
unpredictable and impossible

Lapping at the shore
of my brain, caked in sand

The sun should've been
too strong to feel this cold,

But the wind carries the waves
and a warning I can't ignore

And I know I can hear them,
even feel the salted spray,

Yet I turn my back to the waves,
and break the ocean's rule

They may just finally take me,
and I may just let myself go.

She sat alone, beside the door
not asking much, not asking more.

She didn’t wait for steps to fall
but for a glance.
No cry. Just call.

. . .

She wasn’t silent out of fear,
nor lost for words that wouldn’t clear.

She simply held that hush so deep
your broken soul
could rest, could sleep.

. . .

When you were cruel, she did not shake.
When you were low, she’d bend, not break.

She breathed like grass, a quiet thing,
forgave it all, just with a blink.

. . .

You could have left.
Or screamed. Or lied.
Or tossed your anger off with pride.

She knew it all.
She didn’t plead.
She breathed, just breathed
like hope, like need.

. . .

And if you left and never came
past morning’s hush, beyond the flame

she still would sit…
no names, no cries…
and watch the night
as if
it shines.

A warm wind touched my face.
I walked out into the open space,
I saw a blurry, fading horizon.
Somewhere, you are,
I am here, after a sleepless night,
Writing another reflection,
Tired like an empty battery.

I do not like the masks that shout.
The fight over who is right.
I do not want an analysis.
I touch the bark of the tree,
I hug the birch with my arms.
I see its white pages,
Written with irregular lines,
Torn, fluttering in the wind,
Which I cannot read.

Her eyes look straight into me,
They understand –
How well they understand me.
The rustle of leaves lessens the tension.
Autumn will come soon,
The summer wind whispers to me:
This country, this language,
These people, these doubts.

This is not blind luck,
This is your blessing,
Purple, rainy months, a fleshy heart,
Falling hair, joy when relief comes,
Crying into a pillow –
So as not to disturb another’s dreaming
About the so-called reality.

Bare feet touch the ground.
I tread carefully on the edge of worlds,
To be both here and there
With my integrity.
I am everything and nothing.
I am gestures, epilepsy,
The belief that I see human thoughts,
Inconsistent with what they say.

Blue, sun, and somewhere you.
How good that you stayed.
When everyone was saying:
She is different,
She talks to ghosts.
You stayed, showing me
Your true face.

Sometimes the fear
creeps into my heart;

Those silly little videos,
"I signed up for the biggest heartbreak of my life,"
Oh, trust me, I know.

Because I look at your face
And can see all sides of the sun

The burning bright, the constant shift,
and even the eclipsed one.

The world outside boils,
but my warmth comes from you;

I just can't help but feel the fear
of the rage outside taking me away
from you.