I ripple like water
as you cast your stones
Sinking to inner depths
as I swallow them whole

My body becomes muddy
as each wave hits the shore
I’m visibly choppy
but you keep throwing more

No signs of mercy
as I bubble at the surface
My chaos feeds your sadism
and you become more ruthless

I froth at the mouth
churning in your squall
as I’m nearing the brink
Still waters call

Mist escapes me
as the undercurrent flows
You may have agitated the surface
but the extent of me will never be exposed

I see you and your desire for belonging
The failed attempts to fit in to ease the longing
Draining your energy in tribe after superficial tribe
knowing the beating of your heart has no rhythm with their vibe

Expressing your sorrow through written words
Never quite easing your pain, to think so was absurd
Crying into your pillow until the wee hours of the morn
Wondering to God why the hell you were born!

Need for acceptance the pain of rejection consuming your days
Lowering your standards in so many ways
Reaching outward in desperation to feed your soul
Blind to the notion of what it means to be whole

You were raised with the needs of others first
Not knowing the impact to you would be the worst
You have a voice and tremendous wisdom within
Because you were oppressed, to speak is a sin

The internal struggle to belong is real
Believe me, I know exactly how you feel
Don’t ever give up or let your dreams shatter
Please know from my heart, I see you, you matter

It’s dark I should be sleeping
but the worries are a creeping
into my head like spider webs
I beg until I’m weeping

I fluff the pillows and make the bed
I pull the covers up over my head
and in they prance like army ants
to feast until I’m dead

I flip and flop, then toss and turn
Getting mad at myself, will I ever learn?
There’s just one way to make them pay
off I head to the nearest tavern

You’ve followed me for far too long
Your hold on me is far too strong
Engrained in me at far too young
Meshed with my psyche, we appear as one

The parasitic tendencies are hidden so well
I keep you well-nourished in this living hell
If it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t have survived
I’ve bought into your truth and kept you alive

You hide in the depths just waiting to strike
Black cloak and dagger in broad daylight
You’re an expert at killing the fight within
You go by the name Victim and always win

You’ve worn me so well for so many years
Stricken me with grief and brought me to tears
Never out of style and first in your class
Owning the runway, can’t compete with your sass

You fit just like a glove over nail bitten fingers
Lost in despair as your deception lingers
I want to be free of the stories you sell
But I just can’t undress as I wear you so well

Exhale let sorrow breathe
offer your secret tears a path
down shameless cheeks

Inhale the light of hope
let go of old habits
trust me I know you can cope

Be brave let love reside
give your heart the key
unlock the prison of feelings inside

Pause, let stillness be
in a world that’s unforgiving
choose to set yourself free

I will meet you at the table
even pull out your chair
invite you home for a while
to feel the depth of my care

I will pour my heart into your cup
in hopes of quenching your thirst
feed your soul with my love
to satiate your search

I will nourish your desires
by filling your plate
with a delectable closeness
never forcing you to eat

I will listen as you serve me
what you’re willing to share
even if it’s how I’ve hurt you
I’m willing to swallow my share

I will sit with your anger
and the sorrow underneath
the cloth may hide the table
but the scars remain beneath

I will stand when you stand
wishing you would pull me in close
invite you to stay
tell you this heart is yours

I will meet you at the table
but I won’t sit here alone again
hoping you will join me
while starving for the war between us to end

She dances shamelessly
beneath gazing stars
as midnight’s mystery
envelopes her heart

A pregnant moon
glistens upon naked skin
giving birth to an untethered
fire within

Subtlety cuts in
crisp and cool
tempering the passion
yet unable to contain its fuel

This fire is not passive
it is Love in action
setting her heart ablaze
unapologetic for the ashes

I wade into its forest
and wander inside its ocean
this heart carries their rhythm
my love ‘tis its own

I soar across this earth
and walk beyond its skies
my feet rest upon its solidity
its foundation is my home

I ingest its symphony
and bathe in its purity
this mind becomes empty
Oneness and I, alone

I listen to its fruitfulness
harvesting its riches
this body fills with silence
its void is my unknown

It sees through these eyes
all of its creations
this spirit is in but not of this world
my breath it has bestowed

The path of the egoic mind will never bring happiness

I wept
for the abandoned child
imprisoned by years of neglect
until I found myself
cradled in the arms of forgiveness

Tender-eyed she gazed upon me
with endless compassion
and gently, unconditionally
weaved her love inside of
my locomotive mind

Ten thousand tremors subside
into a sea of blissful consciousness
My body surrenders its anguish
and I abide in the grace
of self acceptance

I weep
as my soul emerges
like first light on a snow capped peak
highlighting the clouds of oppression,
illuminating the beauty of my existence

Speak from love and you will be heard with love

We suffer at the hands of the illogical mind
as intrusive thoughts steal time
creating the illusion that we are not
when what we are is the perfection
of everything we so desperately sought

The vanity of human desire runs deep
the price of greed and envy are steep
bliss, love and joy are unattainable
unless we trust in our hearts’ wisdom
this human condition is inescapable

Where are you oh creative one?
drowning in a downpour of sorrow
or seeking love where there is none?

Words no longer ripple into an open sea
I long for your egress
where I escape the demons in me

Why did you leave me on my own?
did you disappear into the same shadows
that keep me lost and alone?

I miss your expression so vibrant and true
I am nothing without that which
is solely defined by you

Compose with me a wordless tune
teach me to dance whimsically again
by the light of a silent moon

I dipped my toes into her ocean and was completely swept away

You & I exist
In colourful hues
Pink trickles in
With each tender kiss
Magenta blushes
As desires rise
From atop the peak
Ruby red soars in
To a sea of utter bliss

Orange beckons a shift
As we linger longer
between white's sheets
And hunger's strike ends
Yellow steps in
With a cheerful grin
To give approval
To our playful
love-in

The depths of blue
take hold
as trust surrounds
us both
Purple sets the stage
For romance to swoon
While mystery and magic
Create our afternoon

Green is the monster
Who rears his ugly head
In the grips of an argument
We take jealousy to bed
Attacking with fear
As black feeds off green
So love can't intervene

But alas, not all
Has faded away
As pink trickles in
With a tender kiss
And in colourful hues
you and I still exist

We are a portrait of perfection
preserved in a past life

It is, as it was before it began

I am that ripple within the wave
That soothes a grainy shore
I ignite curiosity in the minds
Of those who are wanting more

I seek solace in the brilliance
Of each dawns’ rising sun
Who inhales the bitter darkness
Raising hope amongst the ruin

I am that current within the wind
That tickles every leaf
And your witness to that miracle
So you question your beliefs

I am the familiar within the greeting
Of a stranger on the street
To break down the walls of separation
The result of ego’s deceit

I am that sorrow within a memory
The ache befriending loss
Whispering “keep your heart wide open”
Despite the pain and emotional chaos

I am a powerhouse in nature
That can shift all reality
If the mind is willing to surrender
I will surely set you free

She sang the chorus
and melancholy hues thundered
through the silence like embers
burning the emerald out of the green

Each verse a deepening
of the beginning into the end
like ash claims the earth long after
the fire has burned

Still lyrics of hope
clutched tightly to the notes
like rainbows bridge the gap
long after the storm has passed

Again, she sang the chorus
this time tears spilled over the edge
of heartache
like rain striking the heat out of the flames

A cascade of tears create an inlet
while a desert of scars leaves me stranded
The subtleties of the wounded spirit
won’t always bleed from my wistful heart

I reflect in the ocean of sorrow
whilst famine feeds my storm
Quenching the longing for insight
I am witness to the rising of a new dawn

I will betray this spiritual darkness
by tending to my sacred garden
Soaking the seeds of compassion
I lie in wait for my soul to blossom

Negative thoughts
Lavish with shame
Guilt has my number
Calls me by name

My mind the gatherer
Of failure and faults
Taking pride in her kingdom
She's the queen of assault

With fear by her side
And esteem feeling low
She brings me to my knees
With a single blow

Judgement steps in
When I'm down and out
Her mirror reflects
my pain and self doubt

Worry's a warrior
Not an ally of mine
Slow and methodical
She will **** me over time

Your footprints washed off
the shore today
It was just like you to go away
I never agreed to you leaving me
Drifting in oceans beneath the sea

You know me
I won't ask why
You spread your wings
To soar the endless skies

As you dance with sparkles
Beyond the stars
I hold dear the memories
And release the scars

They showed me
yes I can see
You are entrapped
lost as can be

Old patterns create the habit
the habit becomes the motive
enslaved by masterful mind games
renders you captive

Hidden amongst the living
deep inside this grave
buried between sorrow
and the will to stay alive

The lies for sale are cheap
you buy them by the handful
gorging on self imposed misery
and choking on every mouthful

A life in aggressive disarray
faith quickly fading away
while impulse steals reality
and Jones controls the day

You pulled me in
then pushed me away
you say it’s for my own good
so I don’t tell you I really want to stay

I know you are not cruel
or desire to hurt me in any way
but you left me in a void of uncertainty
and I’m struggling to keep my feelings at bay

My higher self is confident
knowing I will get by on my own
but my ego remains somewhat fragile
believing she will perish if left alone

I find myself creating stories
about how this is affecting you
whether my absence has an impact
or if my ideals of truth were ever true

I am driving myself crazy
asking questions, not knowing why
you opened the door then closed it
and didn’t give me time to say goodbye

I won’t express my feelings
it’s not the time nor the place
see you’ve come to me a teacher
don’t want you realizing sorrow crowds my face

You will never see your reflection in a muddy puddle

I have bathed in muddy waters
run by my family of origin
soaked inside the toxins
let them seep into my skin

One two three they target me
holding my head under water
mocking me when I couldn’t breathe
Obey her orders; punish the daughter

Still I rose up
choking on their cruelties
convincing myself to do better
I learned, to be loved I must please

So I moulded into pliable pieces
of acceptability
and lost my soul to the
hierarchy of family

Consumed by imitation
I wandered alone aimlessly
chained to their beliefs
indoctrinated never to break free

But every spirit has wings
we are all meant to fly
I felt the urgency of a greater calling
not understanding why

So I drained their muddy waters
and soaked inside my restless soul
where the truth of my existence
never surrendered to their control

I slouch amongst the weariness
this broken heart in toe
Soaking in burdens I am the witness
to a landscape drenched in dreariness

I trudge toward the warpath
to familiar stones I cast
Loyal soldiers heed my sudden wrath
the mighty victors of the bloodbath

A prisoner inside this open cage
I still cannot escape
Freedom beckons in so many ways
but I'm accustomed to the craze

Salt rocks and lollipops
Gemstones and Zen
Spellbinding wizards
and dragons that eat men

Lightworkers and Indigos
Heart chakra crown
Don’t block kundalini
you’ll surely break down

With Ohm in the house
like it or not
Theta beats Beta
No judgement or thought

Malas and Mantras
to the Seat of the Soul
dissecting wavelengths
to uncover the whole

Ankhs and crosses
With fire and white light
Circle of crystals
bring spirit into sight

Mystics & healers
heed the cosmic call
extend love to our planet
to save us all

I want to cascade over the edge
a deep dive into the abyss
shed every mask of false identity
unapologetically formless

I want to re-emerge entirely
naked, nameless, unknown
sole heiress of my light
divinely nurtured never alone

I will bathe in all my colors
become the bristles of my brush
each stroke unto the canvas
unveils a spirit that won’t be crushed

I gaze in awe
as black branches paint themselves
onto a sleepy skyline
haunting the stillness of morn
they stretch at the gesture of light
shadows yearning to linger
across drifts of delicate snow
I contemplate the illusion
upon my own reflection
and regret storing your love in escrow

I heard the whispers of the wind
Through the trees from where it began
Gentle swaying to and fro
Calling me back home

I watched a black bird soaring high
Amidst an endless  summers’ sky
Wings expanded, joy implied  
Embracing freedom with each glide

I knelt and touched the oceans’ shore
Hope overcame me like never before
Reflections of love christened my face
While endless ripples embodied the rays

I laid in fields of flowers in bloom
In wonderment I swooned
Nourished by beauty, caressed by scent
I relished in sweet content

I cherished the nectar of a honeysuckle tree
And sipped an elixir of dandelion tea
Medicinal riches surged through my veins
Healed completely by that soulful terrain

In all of those moments I have come to know
The wisdom of Nature and the power she holds
Transcending all suffering and the illusion of fear
My heart  is wide open, my purpose clear

Any love forbidden by the mind
burdens this wise heart

Darkness now covers
Where  lightness has been
This train has derailed
I’m stuck once again

With worry and fear
No wisdom within
A prisoner in this railcar
The walls closing in

With judgement of self
Leading the way
Punitive pain
Leads her astray

The damage extensive
She may not be saved
Demons encompass
Her mind Enslaved

A window of hope
If only she could see
Love is waiting
To set her free

Governed by laws
controlling the mind
we believe in our story
not seeing
The lies

The seers wait with loving regard
for awareness to awaken
the spirit of our hearts
for our souls to fly free
as Knowledge
departs

Our windows open
with a cautious approach
and we gaze in awe
as reflections of light
expose the brilliance of  
Truth;

We.
are.
Life.

From this moment on
we feel
consciousness take form
and we create in our authenticity
of Joy
Peace and
Love

Welcome home.

Feet firmly planted
upside down
hanging in the balance
as I stare at the ground

I open my mouth to speak
but century gothic font
vanishes into thin air
it’s ink blots taunting all of my wants

Stained lips puckered
kissing lost words goodbye
tears grieve the unexpressed
while sorrow remains trapped inside

My silenced voice
fuels their fire of lies
and I let the billowing smoke of judgment
choke me until I died

I let myself down most days
feeling inadequate in most ways
so love doesn’t always flow freely
from this wakeful soul
sometimes my heart skips beats
unbalanced by the weight of sorrow
this unresolved grief tips the scales
and this misery bleeds heavily
through my veins like lead
shame and judgement collide
stirring up the fear inside
and from this cloudy mind
I wonder why
I chose the burden
of this Lifetime

It’s less than an hour
before you’ll be done
but I wonder what time
you’ll really be home

This house is quiet
everyone is asleep
I’m tortured by silence
and the company I keep

This gum is stale
my jaw is sore
there’s a purring *****
taunting me like a *****

She’s a flirt; she’s a tease
She smells sweeter than candy
this green eyed monster
she sure is dandy

but don’t be deceived
by her charm and ease
this cat will surely skin you
if you forget her pate and cheese

I am drunk on desperation
upon the clifftops of despair
Will I take the leap of faith?
or continue to live in fear?

Ashamed for feeling broken
I am trapped within my past
I must unravel these emotions
to truly be free at last

I want to confront this darkness
Shed some light upon this pain
Reveal the creepy shadow monsters
before they seep into my brain

Made to believe I was not good enough
is what keeps me feeling weak
I learned so young not to love myself
from the Death Mother’s critique

There's this child in need of healing
who keeps tugging at my sleeve
as I kneel to finally greet her
she softly whispers, “It’s safe to grieve.”

Will you ever cease
to permeate my words
and stain my pages
with your bloodline?

Time after time I consume the cure
still your pathogens infest my clarity
sulphuric droplets of your despise
sadistically corrode my freedom

Will I ever finish
self serving the Victim?
Unresistingly obedient as I gorge
on your indiscretions

Removing your strands seems futile
long after separation
I remain unwillingly infected
soaking in the poverty of your love