Love lost is a fated death to the enamoured heart

Her easterly side
lies barren and marred
A persistent reminder
of deeply wounding scars

I feel her conviction
to never let herself grow
attesting to the impact
that a love lost bestows

To those who don’t know her
she appears vibrant and pristine
Hidden within layering branches
the pain of separation unseen

But I know her sorrow
we are connected through pain
The evergreen and this woman
wear the residue of love’s stain

I can’t escape the tides
That wash away the silence
As each grain tumbles
With every crashing wave
I close in on the shore

The truth claims my voice
Epiphanies envelope my mind
Like gale force winds
Churning the endless sea
I close in on the shore

Through the eye of the storm
I am reborn
Of strength and of courage
With a new found vision
I close in on the shore

I have awakened to the Cosmic call
Every ripple affect a download
Each wave removing debris
With the embodiment that is me
I rest upon the shore

She ran across that field with all of her might
That fifteen year old child was running for her life
She came so close to escaping his rage
Just a few more feet would have saved a lifetime of pain
With his forearm choking her he tightened his grip
Screaming in terror as her innocence was stripped
She turned to her mother with desperation in her eyes
But the onlooker just watched ignoring her cries
“Please help me mom, I can’t breathe!!”
She never rescued her, something I still can’t believe
Thirty years later the terror still resides
Betrayal and sadness fester inside
It is time this is written to cleanse my soul
I reclaim my power and the right to be whole

She gathered them like the dead
autumn leaves of Fall
old habits and beliefs
crumbling into dust
through her fingertips
never once grasping to save one
or any at all
now only remnants remain
her soul reclaimed
she leaves all suffering behind
as the most desolate parts of winter
begin to fade away
uncovering her beauty
and the love she was meant to find
unearthed like the roots of Spring
she is Violet amidst the blossoms
reaching out to the Summer’s sun
it kisses her radiance
and welcomes her home

There's love in the air today
I felt it at dawn
As the moonlight gently
Kissed my face
And I lay peacefully
Within the newness of the morn
I felt it at sunrise
As her golden rays
Gently kissed my face
And I lay hopeful
Within the light of day
I felt it when our eyes met
As you gently and tenderly
Kissed my lips
And I lay in love
Within the depths of you

Your crystal visions pierce my naked eyes
organized chaos roams inside
this room is cold
I feel alone
without you by my side

drops from heaven
hit the pavement in unison
God sheds tears that nourish

you are distance on a long
and winding road
and I am left with only my thoughts

you are distance on a long
and winding road
and I fear I may never reach you





June 16, 2011

Your naked body
For all to see
Tatters visible wounds
you could not treat

unveiled secrets
you held so close
for fear that others
would judge and expose

For years the mask
Is all you wore
Convinced it covered
The flaws you deplore

Substance quickly
Enticed you in
You dance with the devil
As he mangles your soul, with a grin

Illusions of grandeur
Lead you astray
Blind with temptation
As you rot and decay

I watch from afar
As you wither and fade
Wishing I had influenced
The decisions you’ve made

Holding hope in my heart
And plenty of love
I pray that your Angels
Will guide you from above

It is not merely the loss of love
but the depth in which it
penetrates the unsuspecting heart
that bleeds the deepest of sorrows

Death is slouching towards me
from the corners of the room
The appearance of truth
Revels in my impending doom

You exhale as I hold my breathe
As blackness claims the space
You gloat in selfish victory
While betrayal ingests my face

I remember like it was yesterday
You were a giant back then
Love was not inside your heart
As you wore the devil's grin

Curled in fetal positions
As fear tightened its grip
I cover my ears from the screaming
And hide my quivering lips

Nurtured is a foreign word
Forty years I've lived without
Starved of love & tenderness
I sit in blame & self doubt

A product of dysfunction
On the same destructive path
A child once filled with innocence
Has become the model's *wrath

She slipped in quietly
through the back door
the dead of night carrying a silence
she’d never heard before

Even with the rustling of wind
through the trees
its stillness halted everything
including her desire to breathe

A sudden rapture grasped her heart
like a long lost lover
unraveling into its arms
she became one with the other

Out through the front door
at the first light of dawn
she left the keys to certainty
with the comforts of home

This passion that lingers
The excitability of your fingers
Intricate pages of memoirs
Seep intuitively out of your pores

Drop by creative drop
The words they never stop
Clinging to the waiting page
Like a thespian to the stage

This beating in your chest
Emotions aching to be expressed
As you let go of the rhymes
Ecstasy seeps into your pleasured mind

beneath the anguish of sorrow
within the resistance to hope
I let go
into the sigh of surrender
where a tenderness washes over
this wounded heart
whispers of love
emerge through its cracks
crowding the silence,
filling the emptiness
and subtly piercing the dark

I seem to have misplaced
The words they have escaped
Vastness taints this tattered page
This writers utmost disgrace

Imagined in my mind
However lost over time
The grandest masterpiece
Now the devils’ finest feast

Another battle lost
To darkness my soul is tossed
Wolves devour my carcass whole
Foaming and out of control

My attackers not the critic
Though they like to trick and mimic
I see through your disguise
The mirrors’ reflection cannot lie

There is but one to blame
For disappointment and for shame
I sit a prisoner  in my cage
As vastness taints this tattered page

I beckon to you
ever changing wind
guide me into your softer flow
teach me to soften
and resist not as you challenge me
with gusts of that which
I would rather ignore
sweep my mind free of earthly densities
and lead me with your sound wisdom
to the fullness of life
and the timelessness of now
Lastly, greet me with your gentle breeze
allowing my lungs to fill
with the beauty of your grace
so that I too may remember my own

Lying on the edge of truth
outside the borders of belonging
I suffocate inside the façade
beholden to a wilderness of pain

I watch in awe
those emerging from the chrysalis
discovering their wings
and soaring effortlessly into belonging

They are the sun radiating on a new dawn
a fuel of inspiration
lighting the way
back home

But I am a caged butterfly
burdened by clipped wings
destined to be alone
within this wilderness of pain

One who loves with conditions will never be unconditionally loved

May you be showered with love's presence
in the most joyful
and unexpected ways

She reflects radiance
When her heart bled sorrow
She is the epitome of brilliance
Though her insides felt hollow

She appears to be calm
In the midst of all storms
Though her mind rapidly races
And anxiety swarms

She knows the solutions
To the problems I share
Though her own life in pieces
Was more than she could bear

She extends a loving smile
To everyone she greets
Though love once rejected her
And she lived with defeat

She holds on to hope
In times of despair
Though struggle was endless
And no one seemed to care

She weaves her story
Through intricate lace
And embraces each moment
With beauty and grace

There are lies in the words
that scatter these pages
I want to be viewed as a poet
but creativity only flows with certain phrases

There lies a victim
in-between these lines
she misconstrues my conflict
and unravels my rhymes

Hidden agendas
to manipulate and deceive
wanting the reader
to identify with me

My attempts to impress
with beauty and grace
receive passerby glances
and a pie in my face

Backfiring motives
a shot through the heart
critique, the smoking gun
my ego blown apart

Although I have failed
I haven’t given up hope
there’s a victor pending
and it’s gonna be dope

I have felt the ripples
of predestined change
Some crashing like tidal waves
upon my desolate plane

Others a delicate trickle
through this narrowing gorge;
complex and understated
in its methodical purge

Both deliberate in the upheaval
and churning of the soil
change that brings inner balance
to mind, body and soul

I’ve swum against their current
dragged to murky waters below
tumbling in the turmoil
of my urgent need for control

Now cast upon this rocky shore
panicked and alone
I must surrender to the journey
to find my way back home

I welcome the soaking of soles
as I intend to surf each wave
Immersing myself into its flow
I become the ripples of change

I begged you
to unweave me from the confines
of this limited plane
and restitch me into
the richness of your tapestry

Instead you unearth my twisted roots
from the sanctuary of your soil
drain my crimson petals
unmoved as I whither away

I scatter desolation
a marred and stagnant bloom
Your unrequited love is conveyed
through the bitter winds of desertion

There is
an emptiness that lingers
long after
the dagger of betrayal
pierces
the unsuspecting
heart

I have risen
amidst the skipping beats
of this weary heart
blood, sweat and tears still dripping
trust is the fire I have been missing

Faith in my light to guide me home
I shimmer to the composition
of my heart’s song
the cure to my soul sickness
I heal in its harmonic richness

Open, wakeful and free
my body grounded, my soul at ease
the joy of everything invites me in
giving rise to tenderness
and the Love within

I am left to bathe in the residue of your cruelty
scrubbing every festering wound
to the bone
but your scent lingers like a thousand deaths
and I can’t wash away this ugliness
I am rotting in your filthy essence
Alone in this bloodbath
infected with the incurable disease
of hatred

Stillness embraces the sensations of life
be still and feel your own aliveness
nurtured by the sustenance of awareness

I will stumble bravely through this pain
embrace its hand firmly and delve into my shame
I am the keeper of every single guilty thought
that taunts my identity and keeps me stuck
I am tormented by memories that consume my mind
This soul has begun purging, I will no longer be blind
My eyes have witnessed many hateful glares
I’ve held back tears of sadness because those closest did not care
They minimized the trauma I had to endure
but this child inside of me has become the cure
Through courage and wisdom my story will be told
And the life I was meant to lead will begin to unfold

May you find freedom
amidst this suffering
seeking refuge in the harmony
and stillness of nature

pause

inhale her being, your being
with present awareness
let silence be your guide
as divine wisdom
and the richness of this life
captivate the adversity

The current of unworthiness runs deep
plunging headfirst into murky waters
knocked clean off my feet

descending into the abyss
where darkness reclaims it’s host
where light fails to exist

ripples of regret rise above
breaching the outer surface
waiting for the waves of love

only regret washes into more regret
and hopelessness grows
and soon I hit the rocky bottom

but I do not die, my life does not end
in fact I stop thinking
and begin to transcend

you see far beneath the surface
underneath the choppy seas
there lives an inner stillness
that without the current of unworthiness
I would never have found within me

I wish to be a butterfly
spread my wings
and soar the skies

Ignited by the summer’s light
I will have hues of the rainbow
and shine so bright

I wish to flutter through maple trees
dancing gracefully
with the morning’s breeze

Excited by the flowers in bloom
I will be drawn to the nectar
by their sweet perfume

Hollyhock and sage wait for my arrival
while marigold and lavender
ensure my survival

I will bask in the glory of the morning’s sun
play games with the bees
chase humans for fun

Oh I wish to be this grace and beauty
shed the chrysalis and emerge
so you can truly see me

She reposes, allowing the soft, subtle brush of stillness to paint her into this moment

Blindsided by the thoughts inside
Sucker punched by ****** lies
A hostage taken as a child
To a life in which chaos resides

I want to know just what she said
To shut me down and mangle my head
Cold-blooded ****** without bloodshed
From a life in which chaos resides

Doubt oozes in like c02
There’s damage here I can’t undo
Or am I making all this up, perhaps it is untrue?
From a life in which chaos resides

Don’t minimize with, you did your best
There’s two more here with wounds abscessed
If I could, I would reinvest
From a life in which chaos resides

The world around me closes in
My mind is racing, where to begin
A daily battle I can’t seem to win
From a life in which chaos resides

To escape this dungeon I need the key
I pray they finally hear my plea
And release my soul and set me free
From a life in which chaos resides

Will it ever become clear?
The answers to relieve my fears
Instilling hope to persevere
To a life in which chaos subsides

Some will read no further
As it hits too close to home
Reflecting the mirrors image
To a face that's not their own

I sift through flimsy ashes
Of a charred and fiery past
I've burned some meaningful bridges
Chasing the spark I'll never grasp

As I walk along this desert plain
With soot beneath my feet
To the edge of flowing waters
Sweet surrender I hope to greet

There's debris below the surface
In an ocean full of fear
It holds the key to my freedom
Through murky waters I must steer

Acceptance trickles by with the current
slipping through her fingertips
as ***** shards of rejection
cut deeply into delicate skin

she bleeds imperfection
as intolerance dislocates her
from the placid waters of freedom
void of the voice of reason

a sudden squall
feeds the inner storm
as a flash flood of blame
leaves her drenched in shame

waves of misery subside
but she’s living on borrowed time
there is no hope in tomorrow
as she drowns in the depths of sorrow

I am a caged butterfly
within a sea of wildflowers

We tread within the depths
of a tumultuous sea
Sometimes against the current
fully aware we cannot see

Each wave tediously drains our spirit
but know the tide will soon retreat
where the vastness of abundance
will ground our weary feet

It isn’t churning within an ocean
where our purpose has meaning
It is reflective contemplation
when our wisdom takes the lead

Forever adrift in uncharted waters
not meant to be confined
attuning to the circle of life
we transform soul, body, mind

I want to be uplifted
by the rays of the rising sun
but I am sinking
mangled
in twisted debris
drowning at the bottom
of this raging river

Uplift me

I want to be encapsulated
By endless skies
Free to dream
But I hide
From the light
Self-imprisoned
in this nightmare
On the dark side of the moon

Come find me

I want to walk with the courage of a lion
Resilient and brave
Instead I am crippled
weakened by memories
of a wounded child
The past my story
This victim my crutch

Walk with me

I want to drift peacefully
into sweet slumber
As the soft melody of the lone lark
tweets outside my window
Instead I lay wide-eyed
and bewildered
attacked by vultures
inside my head

*Guide me

I have walked with shadows
let them lead the way
Believing their chains and shackles
were keeping me safe

The scars have faded
The bruises all healed
Now I face the regrets
with my back to the battlefield

I am a child of war
the domestic kind
I know how to survive
and keep my needs confined

I am a soldier, a caregiver
I’ll put your needs before mine
I have sacrificed myself
for the superior bloodline

But a hierarchical system
is not for me
I have the right to freedom
and equality

Though I struggle with belonging
and what I prefer
I will chose to be alone
than battle for survival in another war

So I walk with courage
and strength by my side
Knowing their liberties
bring peace with each stride

There’s so much to say
but the boundaries
between us
keep getting in the way

I long to tell you
how I truly feel
But my fear of rejection
stops me from keeping it real

Sometimes I wonder
Do you know what I hide?
Is the secret that’s so well hidden
sitting in plain sight?

I can’t afford to be vulnerable
This time isn’t right
I must contain my passion
and lock it up tight

So the next time you see me
I’ll be holding my breath
concealing my love
and bursting with regret

This is my song
and its measure is profound
every pulse of my rhythm
expands the sweet melody of sound

You can see it in my steps
and feel it in my stride
but the truth of my song
lies deeply in my eyes

For I am one note
of a universal tune
A passageway to a chorus
where no one is immune

This impassioned piece
will speak to your soul
for the key to my essence
is the same as your own

It is the richness of love
within the chords of harmony
that perfect the rhythm
of our infinite symphony

She walks in silent misery
a prisoner to subconscious memories
trapped within this repeating reel
believing what is not real

Blaming herself for not being the cure
shaming herself for pain she’s endured
willpower cannot break The cycle
without cellular healing wounds recycle

Intergenerational trauma exists
without intervention suffering persists
family history has infected her DNA
genetically coded for a life of disarray

She longs to walk in silent peace
where suffering and misery cease
she believes the solution will be found
when her body is six feet underground

Should you find yourself weary
and in need of a rest
Sit
take a moments’ breath
let the words on these pages
be a reminder to throw caution
to the wind
to love without boundaries
and never let your fears win

We are all meant to find our light
never stop seeking
even through the darkness
light can shine
You are brilliant beyond the shadows
wisdom whispers when you are willing
to listen to the never ending melodies
your heart will always play for you
be willing to listen now

You are loved
just as you are
I see you
all that you are
and all that you are willing to become
remember
we are only as able to soar
as we are willing to fall
so fall with grace

There are demons in your closet
It is obvious to me
You left the door wide open
Setting those ******* free

Anger lashed out first
With razor sharp claws
Shredding the unsuspecting
Without hesitation or pause

Beneath him is resentment
Forever locked up tight
Hidden within for years
Now more than ever, ready to fight

Betrayal weighs heavy
Taking up the most room
Can’t sweep it under the rug
There isn’t a big enough broom

Don’t disregard the guilt
Or forget about shame
These two big players
Are leaders of the game

Amidst the whirl wind of chaos
And the fury of rage
A broken heart exposed through fear
Makes its way to center stage

Vulnerability is waiting
She can keep your closet clean
Nourish you with love
Making those demons less mean

As the spotlight shifts its focus
There seems nowhere to hide
Will you crawl back into darkness?
Or simply swallow your pride?

When lost in thought’s deception we sever the heart’s connection