Will I finally smile the truth?
Will years of suffering vanish from my youth?
Will I willingly love me for me?
Will you look into my eyes and know I am free?
Will fear still control my every move?
Or have I stepped into life and followed my groove?
Will I look into mirrors without hate in my eyes?
Will I finally trust myself and give up the lies?
Will I be living the life I dreamed?
Or will this one still be falling apart at the seams?
so many questions
I need to know
Into a painstaking journey
to finding my soul
I can’t wait to uncover the woman inside
Peel back each layer to swallow my pride
Dump the hitch hikers who stole their ride
This one is for me and me alone
This rediscovery will carry me home

A mountain falls effortlessly into the placid waters
and sees itself clearly
The water accepts the mountain as itself
while maintaining its body

Light glistening through Winter’s stillness leads awareness to its deeper truth

Nighttime bequeathed it’s darkness
to the lightness of morn
while silence lingered
in the stillness of dawn
the whispers of life
made themselves known

Cry, cry sweet child
Let Sorrow rise.
Surrender
For faith will step in.
Release
What is not yours to own.
Give a voice to the secrets
Expose your fears.
Speak out now!
...and...
Honour your tears.
Accept how you minimize the anguish inside
...and...
STOP LISTENING to THEIR LIES!
Let every ounce of pain and suffering you’ve too long endured, EMERGE
It’s time for YOUR TRUTH to be told!
Hold space as it evacuates
Let go!
RISE, RISE UP sweet child
It’s the eleventh hour
Let LOVE grasp your hand
So you can TAKE BACK YOUR POWER!!

Her love left home today
evicting our happy place along with me
so my heart closed its door
and threw away the key

It’s hollowness overflows
filling the abandoned spaces
as the sorrow of this aching heart
repeats in resounding echoes

Only remnants remain of a blissful life
soaked into creaking floorboards
this home now barren
mirrors my broken heart tonight

You cracked my crystal vision
Temporary blindness has set in
This scapegoat meets my profile
we share the same name

The battle’s just beginning
With an end you won’t be expecting
Your swords and daggers won’t protect u
from the power that’s within me

The light shines down upon me
I have angels there to guide me
through the darkness that confines you
truth will lead the way

So if you must seek shelter
from the light & all it’s glory
I won’t judge the path you’re choosing
Just know I can’t be with you

This does not mean I won’t feel sadness
as I watch your shadows fade
down the path God did not intend for me
a different journey I will embrace


February 18, 2012

She rests in grainy white sand
the sun glistening on her winter skin
warm waves caress bare legs
her breathe in rhythmic perfection
as the ocean’s harmonies
greet the silence of land

Her eyes match the bluest of skies
she gazes into its blissful abyss
welcoming the sanctuary
of ancient and timeless wisdom
as peripheral vision fades away
so do lifetimes of dead lies

Gratitude adorns the soles of her feet
and she rises from lifetimes of pain
each step away from the past
invites a deeper sense of ease
as she walks into the present
love is what she does to feel complete

I am a secondary character
in your story of Life
you only give me purpose
through what you decide

You define what I am
by how you perceive
but the truth is
you don’t know me

Knowledge gives reasons
for what you believe
even though it’s all lies
you continue to agree

It’s not fair to judge
by what you think you see
logic disconnects our nature
reducing us to domestic debris

Yes I am a secondary character
living my own dream
but I know purpose through feeling
so you can never define me

You are a secondary character
in someone else’s dream
so don’t be defined by their judgments
and you will set yourself free

The embodiment of truth
and the unequivocal acceptance
of the sacredness
and divine essence of Love
reside within the intangible
purity of the heart’s
secret chamber of
wisdom

We forget, lured into the confines
of this human condition
Lost in the dream
unable to listen

While the subtle truths
beckon softly to our soul
amnesia disconnects us
from making our way home

Blinded by separation
we lead with the mind
Intelligence may be ****
but won’t unravel the ties that bind

There’s a captivating truth
unlock its door, we hold the key
Composed within our hearts
patiently waiting to set us free

I am beholden
to the mist of her winded breathe
whispering through ruby red lips
a swarm of lustful intentions

A pucker so precise
with nectars so sweet and tangy
I'm spun into her web
of wild and crazy

The mind's desires
possess this ravenous body
I want her, and from afar
I have her

Inflamed with secret yearning
for the ****** within her eyes
I lie drenched in the truth
of my wanting and all that she implies

Blackness covers
my body so weak
a restless mind
blank inside
with fear beside me, I’m full of doubt

where is my sunshine
my guiding light
to love and protect
against the demons at night

You cannot love in anger
an open heart is a forgiving one
God teaches in quiet whispers
and when we are willing to listen
we learn

Don’t get lost in judgement
it keeps you from your truth
Have you ever looked in the mirror
and felt your soul looking back on you?


December 19, 2011

I captured the moonlight
in tiny incandescent jars
and watched it reflect for hours
glaring fiercely to reach the stars

I plucked The Hunter
straight out of the night sky
and watched his belt dimming
unfit to pursue Pleiades, he cried

I charmed the love out of Venus
desperate to call it my own
and witnessed her beauty diminish
while my vanity cast its stones

I harnessed the light of the Sun
selfishly hoarding the ultimate power
and witnessed my own life force
become increasingly dimmer

It is causeless to ransack
or squander gifts of wholeness
allowing our fear of insufficiency
to steal what we already possess

So bask with stars in moonlights’ glitter
Honour Orion’s strength as your own
Unbind the sun’s rays to kindle your spirit
Return Venus’ love and never feel alone

We are as unconditionally loved as much as the one loving us has the capacity to unconditionally love themselves

I was recently told
from a credible source
that a famous band wrote a song
about a difficult time in my life
it’s not from the album Dark Horse
but it is a song filled with judgment
defining me as selfish and weak
no love given for my struggles and strife
or painful journey down the Long Road
at first this left me
feeling less than and meek
but then I realized we are not defined
by the perceptions of others
even famous rockstars don’t
have the authority to diminish
our vibrantly true colours
so if someone you trusted
is telling dramatic stories about you
remember the only way
they get power
is Because Of You.

She’s locked herself up again
Despite his lies and her own truth
She finds herself back at the beginning
Shackled

Desperate to fill the void
As loneliness stabs at the open wound
Penetrating deep into her soul
Where the damage can be found

She keeps that hidden and locked away
The pain it reveals is beyond compare
She’ll choose to be mistreated
Anything to steer clear of there

The child longing to be accepted
Who cannot accept herself
Is consciously blind to their deception
And true love displaying itself

A heart still broken
A thousand pieces longing to mend
She covers herself in flypaper
And is insulted as the infection sets in

She’s hidden the keys again
Despite the burden she carries
She’ll suffer into the next end
Shackled

her infinite wisdom is implied
throughout
a cloudless winter sky
playful winds
dancing with glee
high atop
a swaying maple tree
lone bird subsists
on January branches
warm sun melting snow
the glistening enhances
glittery white diamonds
in amongst the trees
the poetic beauty of nature
speaking to me

Her life fragmented
like shattered glass
too intricate to piece together
and I gaze in disbelief
at the reflection
the depth of every
unattended rotting wound
she has abandoned
and I writhe in anger
at sorrow’s failed attempts
to escape the tortures
of imprisonment
rendered by every false hope
she has given birth to

The moment she let go
fear loosened its grip
and she was clutched
by the hands of Hope
where they knelt and wept

Sorrow fills the spaces
of her deepest wounds
oceans rising to their edges
an outpouring of regret
as the familiarity of suffering looms

The pain is not subtle
reminding her again and again
the grief she began to bury
a thousand lifetimes ago
unearthed the heart she must mend

I wept an ocean of tears and left you in the depths of sorrow

The endless chatter
is vibrating
at impeccable speed
a scavenger
pecking ravenously
its razor sharp beak
rapidly devouring
this encrypted brain
one synapse
at a time
my eyes wide open
in terror
as I bleed
wasteful thoughts
that selfishly steal
this precious night

She rests in grainy white sand
the sun glistening on her winter skin
warm waves caress her legs
her breathe in rhythmic perfection
as the ocean’s harmonies
greet the silence of land

seeping like red wine staining a white blouse
it implodes into each delicate fibre
exposing the loose threading
of its unsuspecting host

It is underestimated
like trickles of muddy water
filling superficial cracks
seconds before the flood

interwoven become the strands
of hatred and harmony
as sorrow unearths the hardened soil
around those densely habitual roots

emerging from its confines
it spreads the contagion of loss
disables the cure for love
unleashing the inevitability of suffering

I have lived
life
perceiving
I am
the measly
leftovers
unworthy and stale
soiling
a perfectly good plate
rejected with disdain
and disgust
                        Until I had the courage
                        to dine alone
Now I gleam
at the absurdity
and the filthy
rotten
Domestic waste
they so intrinsically
continue to fabricate
for themselves
as I feast on the
nourishment
of my
authenticity

I witnessed magic today
Saw them gather round
as sparkles of light
fell down
from beyond this realm
and intentions gave way
from a thousand miles away

Body glistening
from the inside out
plugged in to source
as above so below
I witnessed your soul
embrace the angel's way
from a thousand miles away

I felt deeply
this state of being
you, vibrant and gleaming
and at Love's command
they took your hand
and miracles gave way
from a thousand miles away

When it comes to you
I am at a loss for words
so my heart beats in symphonies
my mind will never compose

Release me into the bluest of skies
and rejoice as my soul takes flight
Do not grieve our separation
We are all merely a dusting of creation

And you think I would take advice
from a man discovered by his son
choking his wife on the kitchen floor
of their marital home
How doth this man become?

Was it the *****, your insecurity
or the entitlement of hierarchy
feeding the need for power and control?
Regardless, you abuse my mother
and I see the darkness within your soul

With your judgment and your greed
you cast your broken stones
into the heart of my sacred home
in hopes of cracking our foundation
and taking what’s not yours to own

But I will not respond in kind
I prefer to greet your madness
with silence and a forgiving heart
because the depth of love between us
you will never tear apart

I took a page
Straight out of your book
It was torn, frayed, shapeless
Wreaking of empty promises

I took a page
Straightened out the creases
It was incongruent, pliable, shameful
Weakened by exaggerated script

I took a page
And cast it straight back
It was misleading, trite, shabby
Words soiled in enabling deceit

I took a page
Straight from humility
It was embracing, modest, shameless
Welcoming unity with exceptional grace

I took your page
And read between the lines
It was intricate, rooted , shackled
Waiting to be implied

It is morning
Still the nighttime
blankets the translucent dew
I awoke missing you
Your scent
your flowing, midnight hair
The way you smoked your cigarettes and your penetrating stare
I miss your smile
As you greeted me
Your hugs so encompassing
When we had to say goodbye
I miss your voice
Telling me not to forget
I miss the circumstances
In which we met
I miss your love
...
I don't miss
the tragic memory
October 22
The day I texted you
My gut saying, she's walked away
Her brother's response
You had died that day
The guilt
That's still ripping me apart
Missed opportunities
to express
what you truly meant
To me
I don't miss
how I wasn't there
For you
And the pain I caused
So lost in my own righteousness
I couldn't hit pause
I don't miss regret
...
It is morning
Still the moonlight
Highlights
These open wounds
I lie here still longing
For you
Lost in this tragedy
And the day you left me
Oh how I miss you

Lie down gently upon the last
of the summer’s sweet grass
and quench your thirst for beauty
upon which each moment drifts further
into a cloudless sky
while yellow leaves dance in periphery
to the harmony of Fall
breathe slowly and deeply
welcoming the fragrances
as they playfully invigorate your senses
just be in this placeless place
listening as time stops ticking
where stillness prevails
all other sounds they are like waves
sinking silently into the depths
of its bottomless sea
become the vastness now
and close your eyes
know yourself as the last
of the summer’s sweet grass
and that cloudless sky
those yellow leaves dancing
to the harmony of Fall
you are the harmony and
the fragrances invigorating your senses
you are the breath
from which the winter wind blows
existing as everything
defined by nothing at all

You whisper softly into my ear
From slumbers grip I lose this fear
The dawn she greets me I feel you near
Until she rises, the world awaits

Taking pleasure in this nakedness
It is all of you I want to caress
Breathing in all of your best
Until she rises, the world awaits

Can’t bear to take my eyes off of you
Your transformation, art in Hues
A moment away your essence I’d lose
Until she rises, the world awaits

This love affair has just begun
Wrapped within your safe haven
I’m so in love I’ve found the one
Until she rises, the world awaits

With bitter sweetness I watch you fall
Until the morn when I hear you call
The world around grows dark and small
Until she rises, the world awaits

Your power ignites my hopes and dreams
Shining on simplistic, diminishing extremes
Your mystery, your beauty; the source of all things
As she rises, the world elevates

Loss. Of power and of possessions loss of precious people and of perfection loss of puberty and of innocence, loss of ideology and of ignorance loss of justice and of complacency. Loss Of Self.

Fear. Of forgiveness and of loathing of differences and of defiance fear of ignorance and of betrayals fear of existence and of existing. Fear Of Fear Itself.

Acceptance. Of others and of shortcomings and of greed and wealth acceptance of the truth behind the lies and of the knowledge we can't always change what we think is what's for the best acceptance of our highest self and to the vibrations of the universe that connects each one to another and another and another. Acceptance Of The Whole.

Surrender. To grace to beauty to transformation to love and to the upheaval of humanity Surrender to the unknown to the reuniting and the reintroduction to self Surrender to God and to unconditional LOVE
Surrender to awakening and to wholeness and to the perfection of imperfections. Surrender. To remember the freedom that so joyously filled your soul before you were given birth to this unconscious place called Life. Surrender To Become.

Lately I imagine
I am a tree
Perfect
in my imperfections
Mother Earth
cradle my roots
as I bask in the glory
of the faithful sun
Her rays satiate my leaves
permeating my being
with resounding hopefulness
I surrender.
nurtured
Utterly Loved
as and by nature’s nourishments
I am.

I am not the hatred in your eyes
but the gaze of understanding
I am not the back you turn on me
but the embrace of compassion
I am not the rejection in your tone
but the gentle voice of acceptance
I am not the wounding of your words
but the bandages to heal them
I am not your prison of unworthiness
but the freedom in belonging
I am not the poverty in your jealousy
but the abundance of admiration
I am not the blindness of your limiting fears
but the insight into your infinite love

She dips her toes into the shallows
and watches apathetically
as her form migrates
with the current
forever washed out to sea
drowned is the concept
of who she had to be

The moon shines into desert eyes
as she walks midnight back to dawn
grains trickledown the hourglass
yet time remains loyal
to the presence within
a blank canvas to the light
as dawn paints her crimson

Across space
beyond time
now extends itself
inviting stillness to speak
of divine love, joy and peace
here she becomes the image of clarity
and honours the art of authenticity

Become not the longing to be seen
but the scene itself

This restless leg
Begins to twitch
I’m starting to crawl
I feel the itch

My mind is busy
With endless chatter
I can’t figure out
What is the matter

I soon will pull
My hair all out
I’m starting to tantrum
Past grin’s a pout

Anger begins
This bloods a boil
Chemicals surge
In my state of turmoil

What will I do
I cannot think
Panic sets in
I’m on the brink

Airway cuts off
I cannot breathe
This rooms’ getting dark
God help me please

Heart skips a beat
Then two then three
I’m pretty sure
This is the end for me

I cry out for help
There’s no one in sight
Where is my savior
My prince charming, my knight?

Who are you kidding
I hear with a snicker
You don’t want to be saved
You’re always a quitter

I know that voice
It sounds familiar
A childhood friend
A permanent fixture

******* FEAR!
You don’t have a right
To mess with my mind
And take over my life

A second later
My lungs fill with air
My heart finds it’s rhythm
I’m no longer impaired

My mind has this place
where wisdom conquers madness
and beauty meets grace

where I surrender to reverie
into slumberless dreams
a fleet of ships drifting the open sea

A shallow brook travels slow
its lure a whisper
as I sink into her flow

Where honeybees buzz as wildflowers sway
a tango with the wind
and I am carried away

Sunlight glitters through endless trees
where I inhale deeply
and draw in the summer’s breeze

Soiled by the earth, my skin in bloom
where we reunite
as I am nestled into her womb

Where I am greeted by love and welcomed home
conceived into wholeness
and never alone

Brittle are the bones
Stricken with the dis ease
Of the mind
So as the desolate land
Encompass the bitter winds

Hardened are the hearts
Beating with the fear
Of exclusion
Bait to the darkness
Flock the evil tribes

Blind are the eyes
Impaired by the vision
Of I versus we
As the journey of the soul
Is separate to the feat

Wicked is the weakness
That embodies us all
Of inability
Like death to the flesh
In a ground covered hole

It’s never a gentle knocking
Whenever it comes a calling
Fists full of endless fury
Invoke pain with no warning

No forgiveness and no mercy
As white knuckles break the glass
Can’t escape the comeuppance
Nor out run your past

With causes all in question
The effects won’t be denied
Review all of your actions
And you may uncover the why

The totality of our existence
Every action, feeling, thought
Will make its way back to us
Because our karma can’t be fought

The bloodline that relates us
Is tainted and diseased
Lies surging through your vessels
Purging your mouth with ease

Your skin writhe with envy
Your eyes exude no light
Demons scream inside your head
You house the devils’ delight

Your souls’ succumb to misery
Where love cannot reside
Jealous and self-loathing
Lost in idealistic pride

You can’t impersonate kindness
It is not your heart’s desire
To give unto the world
You’re a taker who conspires

Denial fits you like a glove
Where fairness has no place
Like a child without their favorite toy
You are solely a disgrace

Those eyes
a window to the soul, to it all
I am fixated
with just one glance

               Such a blissful place.

Unconditional belonging
with creation expressed
from the face of innocence
Love is flourishing
                
               I long to flourish.

A heart wide open sings
the composition a perfect symphony
Whimsical
Feeding the soul with pure delight

               Feed me.

These eyes
remember it well
and when I surrender to
the face of innocence

                 I will be whole.

Déjà vu directs us
As the ghostwriter depicts us
Beholden to their feelings
The movie keeps us reeling

Brought to familiar places
With familiar looking faces
Queasy churns my stomach
While logic runs amuck

I know she has connections
To the writer of the scenes
Recalling intimate details
Before they hit the screen

Memories I can't recall
Though a knowingness of it all
Emerging in fragmented facts
The mind unleashed, extracts

She sits inside the prison
arms outstretched to me
I don’t have the heart to tell her
I still haven’t found the key

She sees me as her savoir
spending years trying to set her free
She continues to live on false hope
with no one to blame but me

I trusted all the wrong people
but how was I to know
Her family just wouldn’t support her
and I just couldn’t let that go

Accusing her of hateful crimes
She was completely misunderstood
I tried so hard to convince them
but they just wouldn’t see her good

And so it occurred to me
I’ve been doing things all wrong
Trying to prove her innocence
to those who refuse to let her belong

I head back to the prison
and slowly take her hands
I have to tell the truth
and pray she understands

I look deeply into her eyes
feeling every ounce of shame
I just can’t free her
but she says I’m not to blame

She wipes away my tears
whispering stop searching for that key
You exposed the truth of our false hope
and that’s enough to set me free

Golden leaves linger
on veiled branches
frantic for one last dance

Summer’s spirited wind indulges
conscious their season of romance
is reaching it’s end

Soulfully embracing beyond the sun’s peak
a long goodbye to a faithful friend
they gracefully sway into twilight

The sorrowful slowly gather
blanketing soil in daylight
Lifeless yet vibrantly alive

Naked branches expose their pain
as Autumn’s rawness arrives
the wisdom of love remains