this will never go away,
i know with certainty.

when i see the way
your hair begins to curl
as it’s growing out.
the way you look,
i remember your smell.
the feeling of you in
my heart.
beside me.

my heart will always
beat for you.
my soul will always
shine for you.
i will always
feel for you.

these palpitations will
never leave me alone.
no matter how much i
want them to.

Is it perfect, did I get it right?
Missing pieces, relatable feels.
Sweaty palms, panic, fright.
Heart jumps back, chest reels.

Incomplete, forever it will be,
blinded by the daunting fear.
No one’s work, is mastery,
others judge it, don’t you see?

Self improvement guide’s,
our next steps towards,
the best self versions,
as we move forward.

Waiting for approval,
justified by the few,
who never truly,
understand you.

They say less is more,
but there is more in less,
so how do you choose your words?
To not be left with regret!

My words are for the amateurs,
critics step aside,
together our words will flourish,
together we realize.

Get it out the door, they
say you only live once.
Continue writing more,
go on inspire on!

"They hate me." I closed the lid of my laptop.
"I don't understand, why can't they just stop?"
He gazes into my eyes, as his were filled with care.
He starts, "I know that I can't always be there,
I know that you've never felt a hug from me,
And you don't know what it's like to be free,
But you're my princess, my shining star,
I'll love you even though the distance is far."
That's all I needed to hear, to forget about the hate,
And if I get to see you someday, it'll be worth the wait.

Hey.
We met over the internet. And we're thousands of miles away.
I may have never held your hand,
Maybe I never really kissed you,
And I've never heard your voice, but...
I still want to be with you forever.
Everytime you post, I seem to smile.
You always know just what to say.
I should've never fallen in love with a boy outside of the internet.
They like to play with my heart.
They like to think everything's just a game.
They like to think my feelings don't matter.
The only reason why I left you,
Was because you were never online.
Well, I've realized that doesn't matter.
I want to be with you forever.
Nothing should come in our way again.
A love that stretches for miles on end,
Grows stronger everytime I hit "Send."

Once again,
I am alone.

I thought it would be different.
I thought we'd be forever.
2 years. We were together for 2 happy years.

Then everything changed.
You changed.
After years of talking,
Years of love,
You haven't left me a message in months.

Sometimes I wonder if you think about me,
But then I remember to shut it from mind.
You're gone, we went our separate ways.
We are no more.

It's been 2 months without you.
2 months and you are still in my dreams.
I still wish to hold you.
I still wish to trace every inch of your skin,
I still wish to send shivers down your spine.

I miss staying up all night with you.
I miss the phone calls, the laughter,
The way we'd plan our future together.

I miss when you'd spam me.
I miss singing you lullabies.
Yes, I miss it all.

I still miss you.

But you changed.

And now, I am alone.

I have learned to hold back words
Strong words, careless words,
Words of many storms.

I have learned to hold back tears,
Wet tears, silver tears,
Tears more painful than blood.

I have learned to not trust words,
Lying words, doubtful words,
Words that are false on ears.

I have learned to stay strong,
Through bitter pain, through unending pain,
Pain that will never cease.


I have learned all this and more,
By loving.
Loving is a dangerous thing.

all my photos are in his passenger's seat
these black and whites of him singing
and talking about the wars he has and hasn't
been in, navigating Penrose like he walked
these roads a thousand times before he ever
took a truck--

and he know everybody's name, date of birth
and probably their social, who died and when--
he's been livin' as 14 other people,
never gets no space and I'm no respecter of that
neither cause the way he looks at me used to
scare me and now I know he jus' scared himself.

saw it when he told me about Braun's body
in the brambles, and in the letters he gets from
past lovers full of jealous jargon-- you made me
feel terrible,  your fault, ending in a hundred
goodnights, she wants the last word and all I want
is for him to tell me what he's thinkin' when he's angry


'cause he is angry, with bitterness sunk down in his bones
and swimmin' 'round in his chest, he lost weight out at the rig
but kept all that melancholy to himself, brings it home and
drops it in a glass before taking it back in


he asks why I'm lookin' and it's just 'cause.
Just 'cause i'm looking at his eyelashes while
he sleeps or the lip of his brow hidin' eyes a lot lighter than you'd think, committing the eagle on his back to memory
with that scripture from Isaiah a ways off in my head,
scrawled on the back of my heart,
written at the crown of his spine,


I used to wonder about the integrity of his skin
if water'd seep through or run off, used to think
he was made of wood with rice paper shutters--
but he's a mountain, a snowcapped alp
you wouldn't know it from a ways off,
when he's just a soldier standing out
in the field, shoulders hunched, chin tucked
breathin' cold air, but Lord he warm, fierce as the
mistakes he runnin' from--

we both beggin' to be right
or good enough, for the sunlight
to make us into somethin' pretty
somethin' new and shined--
but for now i'm takin' pictures shotgun,
hiding my fingers in my pockets
thinking about the way his voice'd
prolly blow in on the curtains on a
summer's day, and he's singing
My love, is somewhere in that mountain....


*my love is somewhere in that mountain

am i too big for my own skin? or do i just make myself out as something i am not?
sometimes i see things from the outside and i can see me hiding in myself because i want to pretend i am something great.
it feels like lies, but never have i wanted more than lies to be truth. i want to believe that what you see is what i am.
but can that be?
i want to be what you see. but can that be?