Temptation to end the ringing in my ears
To ease the shaking in my hands
To slow the chaos in my mind
To **** the shiver in my spine

Am i getting heavier?
Or is the air around me pushing me down?

But it’s only me

Nothing touches me in this abyss
Because it’s a prison for me alone
Made by my own crippling self-doubt

By my ever-deteriorating mind, crazed and distraught
Is it that i still loathe myself so much, that i can’t stop struggling ?

If in the past
I only stayed alive to keep suffering
Why is it that after finding someone special,
And after finding tremendous love

I still feel like i'm suffocating?
Being slowly smothered out of air

What is it now that is holding me down?
Is it still only me?
Did i never free myself from my cage?

How can i stop my hesitations?
Whether it’s foot or tongue
If everything that comes out of me is processed various times before it’s even uttered
Why do i still stutter?
If every change in direction is fully thought through
Why do i still misstep and stumble?

What is wrong with me?

Although i don’t think of killing myself as cruelly as i did before, I still do think about it

I think about it every time my body seizes
From suppressed adrenaline
I think about it every time my throat swells
From the burn of suppressed anger
I think about it every time my voice wavers
From suppressed shame
And i think about it every time my eyes water
From lack of any hope.

When i think about it now

I hope to die alone

I hope to feel the surge of a few second drop
I hope to feel when i’m splattered on the ground
And take in the immense pain before i die

I no longer wish
To show you what the inside of my veins look like
I no longer wish
To tear myself apart in front of you
And pour my anguish out to you

"This is what you did to me"

No
Not anymore
Because the one to blame is me

"This is what i did to me"

This is what i did to me
Because i never figured out what it was i was supposed to do

And i couldn’t stop repeating the same mistakes

I can’t stop repeating the same mistakes

I keep repeating the same mistakes
I keep repeating the same mistakes
I keep repeating the same mistakes

Why do i keep repeating the same mistakes ?

It’s like a lightning storm during the night
How it blinds you and makes the night seem darker

Like an abyss

And when she rumbles
You can feel the vibrations
Before she deafens you

It’s such a destructive force
That when she finally hits
She tears everything apart

Whether she means to or not

And when she hits you
She burns you deep into your core
Rooting its way into everything

Everything you are
Everything you’re not
Everything you wish you could be

Beauty doesn't mean
Pretty eyes
Gettin all the guys
Clear skin
Stick thin
Everyone.
Everything..
Has beauty
Beauty is skin deep
The phrase is so cliche, yet so true
Ignored by the ones who need it
Beautiful soul
Beautiful heart
Beautiful personality
That is the beauty in us
God sees our true beauty, even if it's hidden from the world
You can go through with a false understanding of the word,
Or...
You can choose to see the beauty that God has put into each and every one of our lives.
The beauty of potential
Beauty is a choice
Not a fact.

(co-written by Sharon Robinson)
Baby, I've been waiting,
I've been waiting night and day.
I didn't see the time,
I waited half my life away.
There were lots of invitations
and I know you sent me some,
but I was waiting
for the miracle, for the miracle to come.
I know you really loved me.
but, you see, my hands were tied.
I know it must have hurt you,
it must have hurt your pride
to have to stand beneath my window
with your bugle and your drum,
and me I'm up there waiting
for the miracle, for the miracle to come.
Ah I don't believe you'd like it,
You wouldn't like it here.
There ain't no entertainment
and the judgements are severe.
The Maestro says it's Mozart
but it sounds like bubble gum
when you're waiting
for the miracle, for the miracle to come.
Waiting for the miracle
There's nothing left to do.
I haven't been this happy
since the end of World War II.
Nothing left to do
when you know that you've been taken.
Nothing left to do
when you're begging for a crumb
Nothing left to do
when you've got to go on waiting
waiting for the miracle to come.
I dreamed about you, baby.
It was just the other night.
Most of you was naked
Ah but some of you was light.
The sands of time were falling
from your fingers and your thumb,
and you were waiting
for the miracle, for the miracle to come
Ah baby, let's get married,
we've been alone too long.
Let's be alone together.
Let's see if we're that strong.
Yeah let's do something crazy,
something absolutely wrong
while we're waiting
for the miracle, for the miracle to come.
Nothing left to do ...
When you've fallen on the highway
and you're lying in the rain,
and they ask you how you're doing
of course you'll say you can't complain --
If you're squeezed for information,
that's when you've got to play it dumb:
You just say you're out there waiting
for the miracle, for the miracle to come.

It's coming through a hole in the air,
from those nights in Tiananmen Square.
It's coming from the feel
that it ain't exactly real,
or it's real, but it ain't exactly there.
From the wars against disorder,
from the sirens night and day,
from the fires of the homeless,
from the ashes of the gay:
Democracy is coming to the U.S.A.
It's coming through a crack in the wall,
on a visionary flood of alcohol;
from the staggering account
of the Sermon on the Mount
which I don't pretend to understand at all.
It's coming from the silence
on the dock of the bay,
from the brave, the bold, the battered
heart of Chevrolet:
Democracy is coming to the U.S.A.
It's coming from the sorrow on the street
the holy places where the races meet;
from the homicidal *******'
that goes down in every kitchen
to determine who will serve and who will eat.
From the wells of disappointment
where the women kneel to pray
for the grace of G-d in the desert here
and the desert far away:
Democracy is coming to the U.S.A.
Sail on, sail on
o mighty Ship of State!
To the Shores of Need
past the Reefs of Greed
through the Squalls of Hate
Sail on, sail on
It's coming to America first,
the cradle of the best and the worst.
It's here they got the range
and the machinery for change
and it's here they got the spiritual thirst.
It's here the family's broken
and it's here the lonely say
that the heart has got to open
in a fundamental way:
Democracy is coming to the U.S.A.
It's coming from the women and the men.
O baby, we'll be making love again.
We'll be going down so deep
that the river's going to weep,
and the mountain's going to shout Amen!
It's coming to the tidal flood
beneath the lunar sway,
imperial, mysterious
in amorous array:
Democracy is coming to the U.S.A.
Sail on, sail on
o mighty Ship of State!
To the Shores of Need
past the Reefs of Greed
through the Squalls of Hate
Sail on, sail on
I'm sentimental if you know what I mean:
I love the country but I can't stand the scene.
And I'm neither left or right
I'm just staying home tonight,
getting lost in that hopeless little screen.
But I'm stubborn as those garbage bags
that Time cannot decay,
I'm junk but I'm still holding up
this little wild bouquet:
Democracy is coming to the U.S.A.