I feel so alone
No one cares where I am
I feel afraid that
If I go missing
No one will find me
Because no one will know that I’m gone
People only talk to me when they see me
If they see me
It’s difficult to go on this way
Because of the emptiness inside,
I don’t try to hide
People don’t ask
Because people don’t care
They go on with their lives
But I’m dying on the inside
Who can I call a friend?
Is anyone out there?
Searching for me?
Caring for me?
Who can I trust?
Who can I love?
But in reality, the better question is…
Who can love me?

I remember climbing out my window,
skulking off into a violent blizzard.
Lost in teenage anguish,
my feet carried me forward through the storm.
Two a.m. and a mile I out I realize,
I'm walking towards her house
Panic slammed my body like a tidal wave,
my nerves vibrated,
shaking the bitter cold.
I carried on determined.
No plan of action,
just full of **** and vigor and something...
Something I hadn't yet known.
The walk up her street is done with tremendous effort,
like swimming in jello.
Standing outside her house,
I'm suddenly aware of another obstacle.
I don't have a cell-phone.
Which window is her room?
Assuming it's upstairs, this is fifty - fifty you sonofabitch.
Take the risk.
I throw a small stone but hear it explode like a firecracker on the window.
Silence.
I reach for another when a soft voice calls my name.
We stand in the street and talk for a while,
holding one another.
I'm sorry, I can't stay, they probably know I'm gone.
I just... I just wanted to say goodbye
I walked backwards the whole way down the street.
Streetlights and snowfall created an amber aura around her.
That,
was the first time I knew what love was.
Sometimes I think it was the last time, too.

I do not write about the joys of life
Or the calm and gentle quiet of nature.
There is too much faked joy in the world.

I do not write about love and loss.
I dare not tug at the fragile threads
That bind old wounds in rememberance.

I do not write about worldly truths
And the fallacies that we are often told.
I have forgotten them ― outgrown.

I do not write about my thoughts
For fear that I cannot find the words to fit
And that my mind will soon consume me.

I do not write ― I bleed.

If only I were a clerk
sent by some company
to inventory you.

I would be very
thorough.

Toes to nose,
thighs to eyes,
hips to lips,
north to south:

not one
delicious morsel
would I overlook.

Of course,

protocol would require me
to kiss, taste or touch
each lovely portion

for quality control.

Yes, I would be
painstakingly thorough
indeed.

That is a job
I could love.
   ~mce

Glide your hands down my curves,
Squeeze my hips tight and jump my nerves.
Pull me close without a sound,
And kiss me until the sun goes down.
Let me feel your warmth against my skin,
Please let us make this one more sin.

Run your tongue across my neck.
Push me up against the bed.
Eat me up, indulge in me.
Let us both be free in this eternity.

Please darling, touch me in my fantasy.
Feel my breath and hear my gasps,
Hold me close, don't turn back.
Keep going, and liberate me
From this lust that's inside of me.

Your name.
Your sweet name.
Even when I hear it from someone else
it has a particular sonority
that affects my soul, weakens it,
and surrenders to you.

And it haunts me. And it follows me.
Wherever I go someone calls your name.

Oh, your name.
Each letter hurts me, digging in my heart
like seven tiny daggers,
bleeding out.

It hurts to know.
Reaffirm day after day the fact that you are not mine,
and that you never will.

Far away.
I want you far away, but not distant.
The pain of your absence is greater than the pain of your presence.
Violent convulsion that my heart suffers every time I lay my eyes upon you.

You.
Visual representation of a name.
A name that kills me and gives me life.
A name that moves me and paralizes me.
A name.
Your name.