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Lehua Lokelaulii Jul 2014
"You think that i can't see what kind of man you are,
if you are a man at all."
Lehua Lokelaulii Jul 2014
I find comfort in darkness
where i am most comfortable with myself
sitting in the dark
no windows open
everything starts to feel okay
nothing is there to get me
no one there to see me cry
just these four walls surrounding me
and they've become my best friends.
Lehua Lokelaulii Jul 2014
As a teenager she wondered what happened
where did the connection go?
why did it disappear the way it did.
just faded, without a cause or known reason
if the reason was known, would it be valid?
"mother? mother?"  she called,
hoping for a response.
but she never got one.
she always said "it's okay, she'll call back later."
but not knowing if she would.
Would she reach out to me in the future?
will the connection ever come back.
or is this what it will be.
Sometimes, i wonder.
and it can surely take over my mood.
Lehua Lokelaulii Jul 2014
We used to talk everyday.
Having deep and detailed conversations
Talking about everything that was happening in my life
Laughing and talking for hours
But now those days are just memories
sitting in the dust
where im leaving it
because we're not the same anymore.
Lehua Lokelaulii Jul 2014
What if the world spun a different way.
And the stars were black ***** in a white sky.
And the moon came out during the day
or if the sun never shined?
would we wonder if things could be different
the way we wonder as they are now?
Lehua Lokelaulii Jul 2014
Here we are,
7 days till my birthday.
7 days to count another year on this Earth.
Another year of...
Everything i'm trying to run away from.
The world is sick.
Humanity is low.
And I am shrinking inside.
Shrinking everything but the baddest things,
those are growing.
The insecurities.
The thoughts.
My insanity.
It's all growing.
and me?
What am i doing about it?
Nothing.
What could i do?
It's controlling me.
It's captured my feelings and controls my thoughts.
It's holding me down,
knowing I am getting weaker;
knowing it has me locked up
inside myself.
Lehua Lokelaulii Jul 2014
Because,
**** your feelings
and the thoughts that go through your head.
and the people that say "They care"
and the people that left
and the ones that said "i love you"
cause it's all so unrealistic
and we'll never know the true meaning of it all anyways.
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