"I'm actually kinda tired."
But I wasn't tired
I was hurting so bad
But I didn't want you to know
Just how bad you had wounded me
And just how much I couldn't let you go.
That I just lied to spare your feelings...
I actually couldn't sleep
C.k

It's such a wonderful feeling
To wake up next to you,
One arm still wrapped around me,
Your face still so limp and unaware
The sun shining in,
Only allowing you to astonish me more
With every inhale
And every exhale
The slightest of cheek kisses wakes you,
Your eyes flutter so softly awake;
And as you start to grin a little "good morning grin",
You don't even realize how much my heart feels for you.

C.k

Our hands touched for the first time
In what seemed like years,
You are a stranger to my heart.

You slipped your hand from my grasp,
Not feeling my heart aching for you

You shut my car door
One last kiss on my cheek
And sent me on my way.

I contemplated my life;
In my car
For four and a half hours.

Singing my heart out to the playlist
That I made for you
Confused
Lost

I had a sense of hope
But also a sense of nothingness

I want you to want me,
The way I want you.

But it's hard to tell that to someone who
Just said
"I can't be with you"

To say that I can't look at me would be an understatement.
Looking inside is too harmful but in order to look outside I must look in,
A constant battle within myself, really.
Do I flip a coin?
Or perhaps leave it for a later date for when it's built up.

The day comes almost as fast as the excuses that escape from my mouth.

To say that I am selfish, well, that you are correct on.
Never being heard, Constant battles for attention, and a sprinkle of being the only person there for "me",
I'd say I'm doing pretty good.

If you stop and really think about it

We are not withering

We are simply creating what was not yet

C.K

I reach to each side of my bed at night
In hopes my arms will reach far enough
To be able to touch your skin
And pull you in close

Stretching our hands out to replace our fingertips with soft-brissled brushes.
Intertwined into each other as if there were no possible way we were seperable.

Our brushes went straight to work,
Slowly and gently sweeping their way over each remarkable feature so eager to comprehend them,
But too quick to linger.

Swiping off dust here and there, prepping the perfect canvas to invest our minds in.
The heat of our bodies so emerged brings a calm sense of eternity to my mind,
What's happening on your side?

The brushes slyly move off to work again,
Working towards new discoveries about us, who we are, where were going, what were doing. Each one a new reason to love one another more.

Our brushes are still dusting for now.
I reach over and find you next to me;
and they release their paint.

C.l

Its the unbuckled seat belt,
the eyes chasing the ceiling fan,
stiffened brows that typically move to the sound of a drum,
fiddling fingers desperate to escape themselves,
an unheard Playlist that used to be the favorite,
the locked windows and doors,
clothes put everywhere but their drawers,
the under fed stomach that isn't hungry
or an unmade bed that's always messy.

Maybe you should just stop stressing

A Warrior they say
A gold medalist
The one going home with the 1st place prize,

But I have won nothing.

If they had warned me beforehand
That years later I would still feel this

The whiplash

They are liars.

A Warrior that has won nothing
A Warrior that keeps treading
Climbing a mountain I'll never see the top of

My mind is tired
If they had warned me,
Or even given me a heads up,
I wouldve ended it there.

If they told me that everything I have been through,
Would bleed onto everyone I love
Causing them to stray from me?
I dont want to be a Warrior.

Does a gold medalist deserve eyes that don't want to open?
So pitch black that they can't even see themselves through
So tired of watching their life crumble in their hands because of things that they can't let go of.

You win a first place prize by helping everyone else,
By covering it all frantically before they open the door to shield them from knowing,

You don't need that first place prize.
Who runs to you to gain theirs?

We are barely holding on.

But 'we made it', right?

You're wrong. You all are.

One day you're laughing in Durango,
Looking across rivers at rainbows
The colors so vivid, lights so bright
you can almost see the happiness jumping out of your eyes.

You would've never thought laughs,
Would become echoes - far from your reach.
The rainbows you once saw turn to stormy black skies,
Those eyes that once shined - now glossed over.

You said we'd see these rainbows forever,
I cant see them through my tears.

C.k

What a tremendously large wall
I had built inside of me
A stunning line of defense
Encasing my entire self
Safe from harm
I walked the barrier daily
Ensuring its usefulness

When I stumbled upon you.
A beautiful dandelion
Peaking through a small crack
On the bottom of my wall
I decided that you
Were stunning too
So I kept you

To others you were a weedy
An annoyance a stairway into weariness
To me you shined so bright in the sun
I couldnt help but keep them from hurting you
I didnt let any bystander pick you

You grew friends
Exquisite bright yellow dandelions
Everywhere on the interior of my wall

I became astonished and aware
That my quiet little flower
Had overgrown my town
Protected by my wall

I thought nothing of it
In fact,
Seeing my flower and its friends
Made me ecstatic
I felt peace

Days passed in my wall
And dandelions were everywhere
Clouding my defenses
Ruining my senses
I couldnt walk my barrier

There were too many


My flower...
You have poisoned my thoughts

Signed, C.K.