Don’t be mad
If we go to battle

You are the one that threw the first punch
The one that shoved a knife into my back
And left me to bleed out alone

Don’t be mad
If I pick up the pieces

When you’re the one that shattered my heart
That blew my trust into a mess
Scattered across the floor

Don’t be mad
When theres no room left for you

Who could trust a betrayer?
A liar?
A deceiving, conniving, selfish human

You can’t be mad
That I’ve moved on without you

No one will ever trust you again.​

Do you enjoy,
******* the happiness out of me

Like a leech, you bleed me dry.
I pour and I give and I hope
You take and take until I am an empty husk

A shell. No longer human

Just
Empty

How dare you take the light out of me
How dare you empty me just to fill yourself

I cannot go on like this.

We
Cannot go on like this.

But
There's nothing for me to do.

I will just keep letting you
Turn me into nothing.

I can't help but think
that everyone would be better off
if I were gone.

Gone like a wisp in the wind
forgotten, and utterly alone.

How is it possible,
to feel so alone in a place so full of people

Maybe, it is that no one is genuine
They laugh and smile at me
but talk behind my back.

Do they know how much it hurts?
Do they realize the pain it brings?

It hurts so much that I can barely breathe,
I can't breathe.

Their words and sneers choke me,
I cough up their lies and they become truths

truths that I cannot escape.

Their thoughtlessness
ties a noose around my neck
and shoves me over the edge

gone.

Panic
The panic sets in
Why am I panicking
Air?
Am I getting any air?
Why am I not getting any air?
How do I breathe again?
In out
In out

A shuddering breath
In
Out

A cold sweat sets across my skin
Everything feels heavy and tight

My muscles
My fingers
My skin
My chest

So tight

Pinned inbetween the bed and the wall
Wound up in a ball

Someone please
Help me get air

I am drowning, stuck swimming in a sea of darkness.
Struggling in an abyss of despair and loneliness
How do I get out?
How long have I been stuck?


How long have I been drowning?

I can not breathe.
This depression suffocates me, controls me.
I can not answer the questions you keep asking me.
“Why can’t you act normal?”
“Why can’t you do this?”
“Why can’t you be happy?”

I don’t know.

I don’t know why I feel useless
I don’t know why I feel worthless
I don’t know why I can’t be normal
I don’t know how to be happy.

I can’t remember a time I didn’t hate myself
What is it like to look in the mirror and like what you see?
Like who you see?

I know people hate me
I know I annoy people

I am not offended

How can anyone love me,
when I can’t even tolerate myself?


I don’t blame you for leaving
I wish I could leave.


Leave this body
This life
This world

I am so tired of being here


I wish I could blow away with the wind
Float away in the sea
Disappear like the sun
On a cloudy day

I don’t want to be alive anymore
If this is even considered living


I feel dead inside
Like all my insides have shriveled up and rotted.


I am drowning,
And there is no getting out. ​

Do you believe what comes out of your mouth?
Words and lies bubble over your lips,
I wonder if you can even help it.

Maybe you were born to lie.

Born to deceive and hurt
everyone around you
including yourself.

Words spurting out
spilling over
are like acid in my heart

My stomach sinks down
My heart bursts in my chest

The fragments leave a wreckage that cannot be fixed.

The heartbreak leaves me ice cold.
Colder than the dead

And that is how I feel

dead.​