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Kira Botkina Jun 20
How sweet it feels — to dream
Of a life that will never be.
To melt into shallow visions,
Like sugar lost in boiling tea.
To drift through fictions, soft and kind,
And sleepwalk through a phantom age,
Escaping life, escaping time —
A coward locked inside a cage.

He lives a hundred borrowed lives,
A hundred fates, a hundred lies.
He feeds his narrow, timid mind
With scenes where no true sorrow lies.
They’re sweeter than the bitter truth,
More gentle than the world outside —
Where life is raw, and sharp, and cruel,
And none of us are free to hide.

So let him drown in pretty dreams,
In fogs of comfort, safe and still.
He trades the weight of honest pain
For hollow joys that never will
Become a life — just phantom plays
Projected in a vacant head,
While real tears are left uncried,
And real battles left for dead.
Kira Botkina Jun 20
***
Hold on, hold on, just hold on tight,
Though all I want is to give up the fight.
To give in — is death, a cold, quiet call,
To give in — is darkness, the end of it all.
To give in — is silence, a breathless repose,
A sea without wind, where nothing else grows.

A fish swims in circles beneath the blue,
An eagle dives down from the sky so true.
Deep under earth, where no sunbeam has shone,
The emeralds grow, in the dark, all alone.

Yet I am the one who must carry this weight,
Alone in a world with a merciless fate.
Alone, I was missed by the God full of flame,
Who passed me by, not calling my name.

I’d trade this cross on my weary chest
For a stake through the heart and a final rest.
Drive something sharp in the center of me,
Let the willow cry by the still, blind sea.

For the soul still reached, though it crawled and bled,
But the mind believed what the light never said
In nothing but sorrow, in fear, not grace,
In all but love, in a godless place.
Kira Botkina Jun 9
I can feel it — faint, confined.
It's still there, but undefined.
Just suppressed,
and drugged to rest,
by a pill I couldn’t mind.

My brain won’t think, it slips, it stalls.
Like echoing in padded halls.
It’s wrong, it’s still,
it bends my will —
the silent weight that gently falls.

Traces of fear, of thought, of grace,
drift like mist through a flooded place.
I sense, not live,
no flame to give —
just shadows I can’t face.

Like perfume trails that softly cling —
of fear, of love, of everything.
They haunt, they stay,
but fade away —
as if beneath a wing.

They’re trapped inside, they do not spill.
All smothered
by that morning pill.
It crushed the tide,
the storm, the chill —
the scream I couldn’t will.
Kira Botkina Jun 6
I haven't thoughts,
I haven't eyes,
I haven't rumor.
What's my price?

i'm deathless
I'm eating minds,
And it's amazing.
What's my price?

Close your eyes,
You'll see my world —
My darkness, shocking, lying world.
a dip in it,
Start feeling it —
My darkness, shocking mess.

I feel nothing,
As if death visited me.
She’s laughing at me,
She’s scaring me,
She despises me and my life.
'Cause I'm the devil's wife.
This union is indestructible,
And it's eternal.
Tears are pouring from my eyes —
Bad surprise, so bad surprise.

Close your eyes,
You'll see my world —
My darkness, shocking, lying world.
Take a dip in it,
Start feeling it —
My darkness, shocking mess
Kira Botkina Jun 6
Hey girls,
What's up, boys?
on, little cup of tea —
Maybe forty, maybe eighty.
on.
n stay at home alone
With tea, or maybe something... no.
real life with love —
No God, no rules, no thoughts.
not good,
But we have a choice, a voice.

A million boys, a million girls,
We have a choice, we have a voice.
A choice to be clean, a choice to be free —
My voice is heard, my voice is heard.

We're not over people —
We're just people
Who want love,
Who want part.
over people.

I can't look backstage at the performance,
My eyes close from Sin City.
want to be more pretty,
But I can't.
ult in me —
In my heart it's cold.
e of opinion
In this laid-back world?

My spirit is more clean,
But you just can't be clear.
n be honest with Mom,
We can be honest with Dad —
They maybe won’t understand,
And it makes me upset

A million boys a million girls
we have a choice we have a voice
Kira Botkina Jun 6
One more night is all we have — just you and me,
One more mad and moonlit evening, wild and free.
Your eyes meet mine — and suddenly, I breathe.
I whisper, “Darling, let’s just lie beneath.”

And may this night stretch on a thousand more,
I’ll keep your gentle gaze in memory’s store.
But soon the moon will rise again, and though we try —
We’ll never meet again, no last goodbye.
Kira Botkina Jun 6
***
We love the ones who never look our way,
Exalting them in dreams they’ll never know.
We long to fall asleep in their embrace,
And drown in tender feelings as they grow.

But pain grows deeper, sharper every day,
When reason cuts illusions into dust:
We’ll never live within the hearts that stray,
Whose only thoughts are those of love and lust.

I ask myself — since I drew my first breath —
Why has our God so hated us, so cold,
To shape such perfect moments in our heads,
Yet let us die before they can unfold?

He gave us dreams of warmth, of love’s delight,
Then told us: Tempt yourself, believe it’s true.
He made us yearn, and whisper in the night:
“She loves me, yes — and I love her too.”

We tell ourselves we're loved by beauty’s face,
That we belong to some imagined flame.
ntom touch, a kiss we can't replace —
And yet, we whisper love without a name.

We drift back to the life we tried to flee,
Return into the quiet, shapeless dark.
We try to **** the dream, to just let be —
But dreams remain, though torn and deeply scarred.

And till all breathing things draw final sighs,
Till silence claims the last of what we’ve known,
We’ll love the ones who never meet our eyes —
And crush the hearts that call us theirs alone
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