as you spoke those words
a red vineyard
began to bloom from my wrist
you swore you weren't an alcohol man
however you took the time
to ensure my red vineyard
grew strong.
pruning and thinning
my patience and trust
using palissage
to train me into believing
my feeble mind
would believe simple kind
words said from my angel dressed in navy
my viticulturist, my sweet
you have taken the time
to acquire a taste for me
but in that
you have ruined my taste
for everyone else
aspersion played a role
I thought you'd never allow
and in that
you have turned my saccharine wine
into bitter blood

465

I heard a Fly buzz—when I died—
The Stillness in the Room
Was like the Stillness in the Air—
Between the Heaves of Storm—

The Eyes around—had wrung them dry—
And Breaths were gathering firm
For that last Onset—when the King
Be witnessed—in the Room—

I willed my Keepsakes—Signed away
What portion of me be
Assignable—and then it was
There interposed a Fly—

With Blue—uncertain stumbling Buzz—
Between the light—and me—
And then the Windows failed—and then
I could not see to see—

Death…… would have been so easy….. for “Him” It was… it was quick… almost painless… But in hell…. you will always feel pain.. no matter what… But he escaped.. because Lucifer couldn’t take it… He was disgusted by “Him”…. he was repulsed… he spat him out and now we are together…. The things “He” Show’s me are unspeakable… the pain is unimaginable and indescribable… Mourning or even sympathizing would be a joke because nobody could ever understand what it was like for him… no one… But he found someone when he was down there.. in the endless HOPELESS pit of darkness… he found the unreachable.. He found hope… he made a friend…. and when he was on his way out… he did his damnedest to take her with him… but once the gates closed.. the Devil himself pulled her back in.. and when he looked back her face flashed before his eyes.. the rain of smoke and ash and cole dripped passed her face and he saw and endless pain in her eyes… he knew she was never going to escape… that shed burn in Hell for as long as Satan desired.. and no matter what he did it would not change a ******* thing… it was from that moment that he chose to change his ways… not for the better.. or the worse.. but to save her… he would return some day.. and he would free her soul… and he would make a choice unlike any other… He cannot love he says.. but the story “HE” tells me of “Her”… she was innocent.. so innocent it was fraud for her to be down there.. there was not a ******* reason for her to be in Hell t suffer but she was and it was by the Devils doing… and “He” swore to free her… in Hell… it’s easy to drop in… getting out is not so easy… Even if the Devil tries to push those out it’s rare.. he cannot just shove out anyone… The world of endless pain and suffering has no escape.. the entrance is not a door to just pass through.. the Gates of Hell are not a sight anyone would ever desire… because they will cause the first initial pain you will never want to endure in a thousand life-times and more… The endless screams and cries… the stench of death in every surrounding corner and each circle worse a billion times more than the last… it’s unspeakable… Dantes scripture won’t compare to the real thing… as close as you may imagine it getting.. it is not…. “He” would never consider it if it weren’t for her….

"Stop it…."

.. I’m sorry dear friend…

"This is over.."

… There is no innocence in Hell… but when he looked into her eyes….. he saw every reason to come back… and take her away.. be free… this is his curse.. and he is my curse… for my mind is tainted by his memories…. the loneliness.. the darkness… the silence… it is a tickle of his suffering… not even…. The darkness eats me… but he protects me… I am his.. and he is mine…. we are one… we are brothers…. and we survived… and he is trying to teach me… Hope… is the only weapon to survival… if we lose it…. there is no point…

"Derek…"

I’m sorry… I must quit… my madness is rising.. know this…. I am not what I seem… but I can be friendly… do not judge me or misjudge me… you know nothing of me or what I have and still go through..  I seek compassion… something to remind me of life… because all I see sometimes……. is death… I must go now… I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m so ******* sorry…

Isnt it strange to think
We are whale’s heaven,

Because this isn’t heaven.

My seventeen year old friend snorting 4 too many pills isn’t heaven,
His mom kicking him out for trying to leave forever isn’t heaven.

It seems strange for heaven to go against gravity,
And that we are up for something else’s down.

I think we have it all backwards and heaven is in the ocean,
Floating in a weightless paradise void of broken people

Because this isn’t heaven.

I love you for your laughter
your soft hair
the morning routines I tried to adopt, that you have down to a science
the way you gaze into the abyss
with tender expressions
the careful footsteps
the blushing falseness
the pretty lace and ribbons
the black eyeliner and studded collars


BUT

beards and hunting and fishing
flannels and strength and handsome fellers
truck stops and smoking
whiskey and bonfires
g i joe and spiderman

but most of all batman and joker
the complications of comics

gaming on friday nights with bottles of bud
I love men and boys and women and girls and ladies and gentlemen