Do you remember when I was younger?
Do you remember when you would wash my hair because it was too long for me to do it myself?
Do you remember taking me to school in the morning and buying me breakfast on the way there?
Or maybe when we would go to yard sales on Saturday and you would buy me old prom dresses and costume jewelry for me to dress up in?
Do you remember when I developed separation anxiety and had to sleep with you every night?
Now, I wash my own hair because I cut the long lengths of it off.
Now, I take myself to school in the morning and buy myself breakfast on the way.
Now, I work on Saturdays to save up for my prom dress.
Now, I sleep alone, clinging to my pillow.
Now, I miss you more than ever before.
I miss when you had hair as long as mine.
I miss when you would do my makeup and tell me that I hardly needed any at all.
I miss when you would play outside with me.
I miss when you would rub my back and hold me, whispering that everything would be okay.
I miss when I had someone to talk to, someone to tell how my day went.
I miss your smile, the way your lips curled into thin lines and your gums showed.
I miss your eyes, the same deep dark chocolate brown as mine.
I miss your voice, the soft yet raspy one that would wake me up every morning.
I miss you, mom.
And I don’t think there will ever be a day when I don’t miss you.
Some days are harder than others.
Some days I can hardly function,
And others, I wake up as if there is nothing wrong.
But deep in my heart, there is a hole.
One that can never be filled.
It just slowly drips out loneliness,
And it makes me miss you more and more.

Are you okay?
Are you alright, are you fine, are you good?
Are you adequate, are you decent?
Are you emotionally stable, sleeping without crying, smiling because you want to?
Are you breathing without questioning, are you waking up without trying, are you eating without throwing up?
Are you reading this poem right now and thinking no?
Are you thinking for the first time, will I ever be okay?

You will be okay.
You will be alright, you will be fine, you will be good.
You will be adequate, you will be decent.
You will be emotionally stable, you will sleep without crying, and smile for the happiness blooming inside of you.
You will breathe without questioning, you will wake up to a new day, you will eat easily
You
are going to be okay.
So please smile sunshine
It’s a fine new day
To be okay :)

- a.g.

You always point out every flaw dad
Always reminding me of everything I do wrong
You never cared how I felt dad
Always comparing me to someone else
I already know how stupid I am dad
Believe me I’ve been told thousands of times
That’s why I want to move away from you
You’ve made me feel alone dad
While still saying you’re my friend
I cared but you didn’t
That was my problem I accept responsibility for that
But the hardest part about letting go is that
I’ll never hear you running after me
Deep into the cold

Despite the screaming in my head,
The tears in my eyes
"I'm fine..."
Is what I said
"I'll be there in a few minutes..."
Then I put down the phone
And ran into the street
My suicide
"An accident" they'll say
The perfect plan.

The average person lies four times a day,
The most common lie is
"I'm fine"

I nvisible
'
M arred
F ucked
I nsecure
N uerotic
E mpty

~some say love is real,
others say its a myth,
I think its just a feeling,
you've got to be careful with,~

~if you love to much you could lose them,
the same if you love too less,
some just aren't worth it,
they'll leave your heart a mess,~

~some however are,
they're worth every inch of pain,
you'll sit and cry in the pouring rain,
wondering if they'll change,~

~they always say they'll try,
but do they ever show?
if all they do is make you cry,
maybe you should never have said hello,~

Life hurts worse than death,
Something i always known,
But sometimes i find it easier,
To pack my things and go,
I know it will hurt some,
But many will not care,
So here's a list of lovely moments,
I feel the need to share,
My life has had its ups and downs,
Through all i've remained strong,
But i can’t be strong for that long,
It's time for me to move on,
Goodbye to everyone that cares,
I wish you all the best,
But now it's time to say goodbye,
And put myself to rest.

The idea of love,
has always been my fear,
but i'll try to overcome,
to keep you held so near,
This fear of mine isn't new,
And surely will last long,
I'm scared of being hurt again,
Scared something may go wrong,
I care about you deeply,
I’m so glad to call you mine,
So for you i’ll win this fight,
All that matters is the time,  
I fear you will find better,
And i hope that never comes,
I fear you may have met her,
And you’re both biting your tongues,
But for right now,
I don't know how,
i'm happy that you're mine.