it just took
one word from her
to break the trust
we built for years

Heartbreak
Heartbroken
Seeing you was a balm
Our love acknowledged
Your marriage reaffirmed
Closure.
Oh the relief of closure.

I stopped loving you on my birthday. Did you know that?
It shocked me out of that confused numbness I'd been living in
Momentarily.

Like a twig snapping
A candle, quickly snuffed.
All the other cliches people use to say that what was,
Suddenly isn't.
Can't be, anymore.

But it was sudden
And it was shocking
And I didn't know what to do.

So I tried to pass it off as ***
Or stress, or distraction. But I knew what it was.
I knew what it wasn't, anymore. You didn't.

I wonder when you stopped loving me
Because surely you've stopped loving me
And I'm glad you've stopped loving me.
It's all I hoped for, from that day to the end.
I hope it was before the end.

For my birthday, I made my cupcakes
Drank my liquor
And prepared myself to remember how to love you.
But I knew I couldn't, anymore.

I've been colorblind these past few months
Unable to see vibrant yellows,
Warm oranges, cool blues
When I look back in the past
All I can see are black and white snapshots
of a life that I don't remember living
An out of body experience
A black and white movie
Anything other then my life

I didn’t think this is what would be happening

At this point in my life

I wanted to be okay(?) with it

Whatever it had become

I had no understanding of


How to be able to live with this(?)

It’s okay to be the clouds or the stars
Instead of the moon or sun

I love you but I don’t want you

God must hate me
If he allowed me to
Fall in love with
One of his angels