Dear ex,

Sometimes when the sky is blue
I would be reminded of you
all the 'I love yous'
and the 'i miss yous'
that we shared
as we stare into each other's eyes
with a smile danggling on our lips.

and when the rain pour
I'll be reminded of the day
when you showed up in front of my door
drenched by the rain
eyes mirroring the pain
and never did you hesitate
to part your lips and say
let's break up


Now,

what used to be us
has now become you and me
what used to be we
has now become you and him
what used to be a team
has now become nothing more than a dream
we are nothing more than strangers
stealing glances at each other

I’m not ready to talk to you,
I’m not ready to hear what you have to say.
Everything that comes out of your mouth,
Is an unapologetic excuse,
Of how things need to be your way.

You’ve never approved of the person I am.
You’ve never given me the respect I’ve given you.
I’ve always had to apologize for everything,
But you never take responsibility for you.

Everything is a fight with you.
I have to fight to be heard,
I have to fight to be held,
I have to fight to be loved,
It’s depressing and sad.

What kind of a mother,
Would let her daughter beg for love and affection?
I came to you on bended knee,
Dying for your attention.

But I’ll never measure up,
To your golden child,
Your first born,
The only child you’d do anything for.

Around you, I turn into a person I don’t like.
I feel invisible,
I walk on eggshells,
I’m defensive all the time,
I cry myself to sleep,
Because inside, a part of me is dying.

I’m over this feeling I get,
The worthless feeling in me.
You use me to see your grandchild,
Do you ever just want to see me?

Is there anything you like about me at all?
You created a checklist of things,
All of which I keep inside my head,
I dress in t-shirts and baggy jeans,
“Just for once can you look like a girl please?”
I keep my hair short,
And that makes you steam.

There is only so much of me I can offer,
Before I am no longer a person.

The rejection and negativity,
I cannot handle,
You diminish the fire in my soul,
Like you blow out a candle.

I just want you to look at me,
And see all this love I have for you.
But most of my life I gave unconditional love
To a stranger...
So who am I to you?