I cannot help but think about you
And how our story ended so abruptly.
Only so many times I can say sorry
I want to say I will change,
But I cannot promise you that.
I can promise that
I am still the girl that cannot make up her mind.
I am still the girl that fights with her thoughts.
I am still the girl that loves too hard.
I am still the girl that loves you
I am still the girl that you loved.
I am also the girl that you left.
I could never be the person you wanted me to be
I could never change myself to be who you wanted.
Who you needed.

When I thought my eye couldn’t shed another tear , I cried more .
The tears would not stop .
The pain became unbearable , I could no longer keep it in . Hands covered my mouth in attempt to silence my pain , but I could not stop not this time .
My cries are for myself not anyone else .
I long for my happiness .
I’m praying for the day to say I made it .

something I’ve always feared has turned into something I welcome.
i welcome change in this New Year !

When I opened the box it unleashed parts of the past I wasn’t ready to confront ,
Memories I would rather not relive .

Maybe I needed to be confronted to actually heal , but I do not know how to handle this pain

Confrontation is new for me , having to deal with emotions other than just burying it .

How can I forgive them ?
How can I heal from this ?
How can I complete this process of grief ?

Questions I ask my self daily , questions I’m not ready to answer
Frankly .. I’m not ready for this new season in my life
I’m not ready to move on
Confrontation will have to wait .

I need you to be alright
I still need you to teach me so many things
I cannot go on without you
Do not leave me
Please.

I wish things never changed between us
I wish we never changed
I wish I could go back and do it all over again but
the question is would it really change anything ?
I wish I still had you
But to be completely honest
you were never mine
to begin with.

For two years ive been attached
to you , flinging to every breath.
Thanking you every second I got for “saving” me  

When in all honesty i saved myself.

i really wish I died that night in June.
They should have let me die…that night in June
nothing has been more peaceful then that night in June

somethings we never recover.
we still feel it in our bodies and in our minds.
some traumas never leave us.
so how do we live with it ?
We don’t.

Death calls my name constantly,
Always in my ear
Whispering to me in times of vulnerability,
One day I fear I’ll listen .