And yet
the carbon
that could've been
stars
instead made
you

You're the girl
that eats too much
too little
Yet reminds me all the same
to not do so
like all the food
is forbidden to my mouth
as it is welcomed in yours
and yet all your meals
the smallest and tallest
you un-finish just the same

You're the girl
that sings songs
with different lyrics
like each one from
the same writer
even your favorite song
would have different lyrics
every time
even your favorite singer
would be surprised to hear
different words to their rhymes

You're the girl
whose own forgetfulness
digs her own grave
bringing the fate of the sea
and the future of her children at stake
making you more dangerous
that at times make me shake
as you stare blankly into space

You're the girl
who hides all too much
yet claims to have shown me everything
and with most instances
of the past brought up
is forsaken and replaced
by an unforgiving face

Yes, you are the girl
that my mother warned me about
from my lips to my soul
stolen by your kiss
and with every embrace comes
a commonly unwelcomed warmth;
every emotion brings me closer to insane

but
you are also the girl
my mother never told me about
the unreasonably kind
and unusually gentle
and with every smile
comes sincerity
despite whatever darkness
hides behind it

You are the girl
who cared more than
I never thought could be
and loved the monster
I never thought
was inside me

You are the girl
who embraced all the warmth
I could give; all that I have
looked at me and smiled
like what I have is more than enough
even though what I have
will never be enough

Yes
You are the girl
who forgets all the songs and lyrics you loved
but you remembered me;
thought of me
more than I never could do for myself

Yes
You are the girl
who stole my lips and my soul
but you stole my broken heart
that I never thought was still there
and stuck all the pieces with every kiss
with no trace of a shattered piece

You are the girl
that looked beyond
whatever future I had left
and looked a plans A-Z
with every possible alphabet
while I stare at you
thinking of how long
will I still be able to

You're the girl
my mother should've told me about
You're the girl
that should've been all this time
You're the girl
I never though would be but did
You're the girl
You are THE girl

I had a dream once
where the light
finally took me
and the pain stopped,
eternal bliss and euphoria
stepped up and gunned
me down to never ending joy
as if for once,
the universe cooperated
but you looked at me
with a pained look
in your eyes
more than I have ever seen
and it hurt me
to see you scream in agony
as your tears fell
clattering on my deathbed
wishing I could be there
to wipe your tears of
your lashes

but I lay there helplessly
only to regret
not holding you more
than I should have
before the light took me

I wonder
if the cells in your body
have the slightest idea
that they are part
of something
beautiful

Why fear nightmares
when there is
the false beautiful reality
that we call
**a dream

make
the weight
of the world
feel like
nothing

how can you stand there
so beautifully
and know nothing of it?

If I could go back in time
and find the younger me
I'd shout your name
over and over again
to tell him that things
will all be better soon
and all heartbreak
will be worth it

I am torn
between
loving you
and
letting you go
because
you
deserve love
greater than
my debt to you

Don't cry, my dear
Don't come to my grave
Sadly,
I cannot wipe off your tears from here

You were once
a reminder
of what I am not
A Dead Man
no sooner, I hope
but when i see you
worried
in every visit
to the hospital
I can't help
feeling the dread
I have caused you

In every fake smile
you pull
that you are okay
just so
I wouldn't feel bad
It breaks my heart
every time
that you
had to lie to me
instead

"I was ready to die anytime
but then I met a special girl
She made me want to go on living
and for the first time in a long time
I was afraid of death"

I will be there
right where you left me
to pour you some hot tea
just the way you like it;

I love you
even in our arguments

I was meant to love
and never be loved

If I could begin to be
half of what you think of me
I could do just about anything
I could even learn
to love
like you

Why are you here with me
when you can be there
with the people
who can
make you
happy?

He spoke
things broke

Things changed
Stars rearranged

You were
the
tomorrow
I looked
forward to

Only the rain
understands
the pain
I feel
today

quadriplegic
polychythemic
a voice behind my ears
golden fields
winds I feel
eyes shed my tears
sunbeam lights
pale blue skies
vast meadowy hills
voice I listen
her tone glistens
vision disappears
heartfelt stories
of sights of glories
and yet excites all my fears
I open my eyes
smiles so wide
vision suddenly clears
sits on my lap
then a gentle tap
as I sit with much drear
I close my eyes
awake to familiar sights
my eyes cover with tears

Driving home
with 7 inebriated
at 2:30 in the morning
makes me question
what I am there for
As a man who does not
drink. smoke. do drugs.
curse
I am no more than no one
in this band of drunks
seeing how their night ends
I wonder why I was even there
more so why I even cared
to even bring them home
as it pains me to say that
it hurts to see them
break. crush. suffer.
from whatever escape
they tried to pull
I wondered why
I am like this
a man who cared
for people who never did

How could I
deserve
such a glow
of blessed light
radiating
with every
encounter
like photons
merging
to make
stars and suns
explaining
the infinite
universe
above
and
beyond

Why does
a single
smile
make me
feel
all the
movements
of the universe?

You
deserve
love
more
than
those
stars
you
love
to
cherish

Maybe,
I was never
meant
to be happy

I'll admit
You and I
are from
different worlds
two different sides
you had yours
and I had mine
but
was there
ever one moment
where you wanted
to be a part
of my world
as I have to yours?

that you were afraid
of losing people
well
look where
I stand now

The universe
is cruel
but
we don't
have to be

I was afraid
that I'd find you
and your dark hazelnut eyes
would unwind
me for the first
time
and I'll smile
again uncontrollably
showing my teeth
for the first
time

Once
I was afraid
that I'll fall in love
with you for the first time
that no one can stop
me hoping this
time

I guess
it's always
caring
about
other people
hurting
even if
you're feeling
hurt yourself

are the
best liars
I know
when
we say
"I'm okay"

I always
remember
that there's
tomorrow
when
I'm with you
and I'd
look forward
to tomorrow
cause I
remember
that there's
you

You used to
sit on that
side of the sofa
stand on that
side of the room
drink from that
small white plastic mug
smell of that
fragrant perfume

You used to
write on
my blue notebook
sing everywhere
about any tune
go to the museum
to have look
talk to me
in the afternoon

You used to
sleep on this
side of my shoulder
rest your hands
next to mine
think about
when we'd get older
speak without
minding the time

You used to
do all these things
when you and I were
sadly, all that's left
is a blur

At first
I thought
you were
a constellation
I drew
a map
of your stars
and then
a revelation
You are
as beautiful,
as endless
as the universe
I'm helpless in

Sometimes, I wish
that I just stayed where I was.

In a place where
I was never greedy with
happiness

Darkness exists
to make the light count
That's why stars
shine brightest
in the dark

I used to believe that
good things happen
to good people
apparently,
that's not the case
anymore

Getting close to people
half-heartedly
will only give you suffering
but alas, sadly
so does getting closer

Maybe, that's why
if one day we do
I would yearn for you
more than I should
it frightens me
to my very core
that you'd leave me
like the rest would

It hurts
to see
people
spend on
sweet emptiness
when you
have not much left
to spend on

It hurts
to see
people
love less
when
you have
less time
to love

It hurts
to see
people
hurt
themselves
when they
have lives
longer than
yours

Nighttime coffee
with just the two of us
etching memories
on that side of the shop
laughing, smiling, crying
with the cold air around
remembering and forgetting
whatever worries we had before
looking back at that moment
where hearts were
as transparent as they can be
the time we lost was realization
that we can never be
unless you make it be
for there will be a day
not too long from now
that you and I will part
farther than the universe
can ever imagine
where your pulse grows stronger
and mine grows weaker

if today or the next
will be my (hopefully not) last
know that I want to be
the last who'll ever be
the one who hurts you