"I hope he loves you more than I do,
and when he discovers
how weird you can be
may he love you even more for it.
I hope he cares for you more than I do,
and when the world feels cold
may he be your source of warmth.
I hope he understands you more
than I ever could,
and when the time comes that
you need him,
I hope he gets you right."

and told my 5-year old self
what's been happening to me lately
I bet he would look into my eyes
jump out of that hospital bed
and cry with joy and laughter

I would've told him
that he finally made friends, the ones he has always dreamed of
That he was able to run and touch his toes
and try out all kinds of sports
That he was able to ride a bike, drive a car
and traveled to all sorts of places
That he was able to meet and talk to all sorts of people

That he was able to celebrate an unknown feeling to him called "Love"
That he was able to gaze upon such people and to feel and understand love
That he fell in love with someone who he'd never thought he'd be in love with
That he fell in love, fought, lost and loved again

If I were able to see my 5-year old self
I would look at him with teary eyes saying
"You will be happy"

I can only pray
that my patience
would never reach
it's peak
for as a man
who can only
take as much
as a human can
I'm almost at
threshold

I always believed
that I'm not allowed
to say a single rant
for there are things greater
than what I can imagine
I'm told that
I can't complain
I can't frown
I can't wonder
for that's what it means
to be selfless..
yet I still ponder

My mother always told me
"just be a little more patient"
how can I be, when
father always tells me
"YOU ARE NOT THINKING"
"ARE YOU BLIND!?"

I'm sorry, father
if I'm not up to the test
but know that
I follow every word
ever sentence for the best
For every spare moment
I had, I have given it to you
I did promise that
I would take care of you
be your "right" side
as I termed it

I'm sorry if
I have no idea
what the heck you're pointing at
whenever you want me to get
something for you
I'm sorry if
I have no idea
what you want to say and if I don't know
what you're thinking
I'm sorry if
I'm not the smartest guy you'll ever meet
cause I might never fully understand
what you really want from me

But please, Dad.. tell me
is it worth it to tell me
"YOU DON'T CARE"
"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND"

I understand fully that your time on earth
runs by the shorter years, but please dad
please... your words hurt me more
than every beating that you have given me

I do understand that you want me to grow
but it always hurts me more
that you're willing to let go..

Dad, I'm almost at threshold