It's such a strange feeling,
knowing someone more than I know myself.      

Who Am I?

I wear a mask for the world to see,
I meet someone, put on a similar face so I can fit in, I figure out, for the time, who I need to be.
So much so that if I searched in a room full of faces, I wouldn't even recognize my own,
I've got to find who I am, in a place so far to me, is unknown.
I know once I go searching hard enough, I'll find myself within,
In a state of constant growth and learning,
In hopes that just me will always be enough,
No reliance on someone else telling me who I am,
I'll break down my walls, tear apart the dam,
My spirit will spill out like a beautiful waterfall,
Glistening with the brightest sparkling light that anyone ever saw,
I will finally be sure of my purpose,
He asks me what if I regret going and deciding not to stay,
And miss out on my chance to become the person I hope to be?
I said I can't not know, no ******* way.  
I'm going to be free, not tied down to anything on this earth,
I'll be satisfied with my soul and recognize my worth,
I won't settle for anything less,
Than becoming my absolute best.


So I don't care what I have to do,
Whether I rise or I fall, I'll give nothing less than my all.
If the end result is finding me,
*I'm willing to go to any lengths.

My heart was in front of me,
And my fears left behind.
She was everything but she was nothing,
And she consumed every part of my mind.

She told me to drop my weapons,
So I let all my defenses go.
But her intent was never to love me,
I'm a fool.
But then again, how was I supposed to know?

What started as a flame,
Quickly became a roaring fire.
She ruined all that I treasured within,
So why do I still desire her?

She crept inside me and grabbed hold of my soul,
She took every part she wanted,
Leaving nothing for my own.
"Say you're in love with me.."
She beckoned, knowing I was weak,
Aha! She has control now,
Menacingly kissing me on the cheek.

I've come to learn that pleasing her is impossible,
At least for any period of time,
Always manipulating to get what she wants,
If you don't do exactly what she says, you've done a major crime.

"Once a cheater, always a cheater I guess,"
She said aloud as we walked under the moon.
It's my fault for believing from that statement, I was immune.

So with all the strength I have built for myself,
I force myself to stand.
Even though I want to, I know I love myself enough to know I can't give it a second chance.

She had a dark soul,
That brought out the galaxies in her eyes,
And every time she looked up at me,
It was if I began to float up into her skies,

On my way up,
Her delicate cool breeze sent chills up my spine,
But I never understood why all I felt was warmth,
When she softly pressed her lips against mine,

When I'm with her, everything freezes,
I seem to forget all concepts of time,
All I want to do is dive deeper,
So to new heights I climb,

I'm intrigued by her unknown,
The places no one has touched before,
The darkest corners that she keeps hidden,
The ones she tries so hard to ignore,

The longer I spend exploring,
The more her universe draws me in,
And the more I stay mesmerized,
When I gently trace the constellations
That surface on her pale skin,

She says she feels numb,
From years of keeping within herself,
Weightless and empty,
But I know she's just shutting out all the hurt,
Isolated and lonely,

I want to always be with her and for what it's worth,
I don't think all the gravity in the world,
Would be strong enough to pull me back down to earth,

I want to be enveloped by everything that she is,
All my fragmented parts suspended in her infinite bliss,

But she warned me that she let go of her heart long ago,
And now it's lightyears away,
No matter how hard I tried I could never catch up,
So I guess I was never really meant to stay.

Inside me, there's a void that I've managed to fall through,
Nothing seems to be helping,
No matter what I do.
I try to stay positive,
Always looking on the bright side,
But it's like the darkness always finds me,
No matter where I try to hide.
Despair taints the world around me,
Sadness softly whispers my name,
While all the while madness tells me all I'm doing is going insane.
I'm desperately looking for a way out,
Exploring inside me, the unknown.
But the deeper I go searching,
All I discover is that I'm alone,
They say the good thing about hitting rock bottom, is that up is the only other way,
The problem is, the walls are just too high to climb up, so the bottom is where I stay.
Sometimes I catch myself thinking that I'm buried in too deep,
And about how easy it would be to forever fall asleep,
But I decide to look once more for any way out,
Because that is not the life I planned for myself,
I know this without a doubt.
I want to live a happy life, I truly want something more.
So I peer across the room, and there sits a key, my last chance,
All I have to do now is find the door.

The man stood on a box
In the middle of the park,
When people walked by
The old boy would bark
“It’s in the Bible,” he cried.
And some people would ask
What is in the Bible, sir?”
Prepared to take him to task.

“Everything’s in there, friend!”
He answered with a smile
Feeling the people there
Would stay and listen a while.
“Well, that’s an easy answer!”
One of the onlookers said.
“You have left nothing out!”
The orator nodded his head.

“The Bible has answers for you
To any question you can say.
It will be your salvation, sir
No waiting until Judgment Day.
It tells you what to eat and then
Tells you how to choose a wife.
It tells you how to go to heaven
When you reach the end of life.”

The questioner replied, “Yes, sir,
And it tells of women made of salt,
And a fellow who walked on water
Another brought the sun to a halt.
It tells of a boat quite big enough
To have two each of every animal.
And people floating up to the sky.
Don’t you find these things incredible?”

“Not all,” the soapbox man said,
“God can do any holy thing at all.
He has made the planets, the sky,
The heavens and the waterfalls.
God knows everything and he is
Who speaks to you in your heart.”
The onlooker shook his head, said
“So, when does that stuff start?”

“What stuff, sir?” the orator asked.
“The part where God speaks to me.
I haven’t heard a word from God
And I have been listening, you see.
That would be a truly wondrous thing
For this God person to finally do.
But, if God speaks to all of us
Why the hell do we need you?

I used to have a love for the ocean,
But now it's surely gone.
I laid delicately on the beach one night,
But I disappeared by dawn.
Even though they warned me the water was dangerous,
I built my castle on its sand,
I believed no one could destroy my sanctuary,
But you weren't something for which I planned.
When I saw your waves approaching,
I knew it was far too late,
For my walls were very strong,
But I was naive and left open the gate.
You threw me into your vicious hurricane,
Swallowing me whole,
You stole the heart I kept inside,
And all that's left was hollow.
You knew I had no defenses,
So you swept me away in your tide,
Even though you hid the smirk from your face,
You couldn't mask your pride.
I allowed you to be my ocean,
And you selfishly consumed every part of me.
It's just really sad knowing it was only one mistake,
*And I'd forever lost my love for the sea.

My heart is a broken compass, the way is unknown,
So I found it very difficult when my soul longed for home.

For some time, I followed the wind but there was never a destination, although it did take me so many places, a never ending vacation.

I eagerly followed the twinkling stars at night, falsely believing I would be guided by their light,
But all they had to offer was confusion.

Wondering if home was merely a delusion, I remembered the birds, always having such a determined route,
So I followed them, even though my mind was filled with doubt,

Always moving, I started to wonder if they had a home,
Yet, in each other's company, they seemed to find contentment.
They were always flying, but there was not one set place to which they went,

So maybe home is not a place, it's somewhere that makes you feel secure, someone who, when you feel out of place, they remind you that in yourself you can be sure. When everything goes wrong, home is the first place you run to,



*And suddenly, my heart somehow found its way to you.