They told me I’m sick
Hide it, get rid of it, bury it
They told me to burn it inside my body
Or my body will burn in the fires of hell

I injected myself with syringes of Anesthesia
Hoping it will lead me to a place where infinity exists
White clouds, white wings, white everything
It was temporary and I find myself burning again

Needles of pain to make the pain go away
The pain never went away
Drowned myself in sorrow hoping for a better day
The day never came

I wanted to talk
But my mouth was glued shut
I wanted to see the light
But darkness was too bright

I forgot who I was
Wear a mask to match
Everyone saw what’s hiding beneath
A life full of grief

I didn’t feel anything
But feeling nothing is feeling everything
I felt everything, everything
Everything full of nothing

I need to find a cure
To be accepted, to be loved
But there was no cure
And I am a sinner

But little did I know that you are too
You are sick too
You are a sinner too
And there’s no cure

My mother was the closest to my heart, she cooks me breakfast every morning and teaches me lessons I have to learn to survive this cruel world, Being with her growing up was like having your own mentor and trainer. She had to correct every single thing I do wrong. Do this do that. Be on top don’t slouch. I’m really happy she made me tough and in all honesty she made me the brave person that I am today.

She was the closest yet farthest to my heart. She breaks my heart every night with hurtful words she must say to make me stronger and as I wake up with breakfast she prepared as if nothing ever happened the night before. The sun rises and it hugged me and comforted me from what the trauma last night has brought, As the sun sets I find myself crying to sleep again as the cycle continuous. I don’t blame her because I know she only wants the best for me, but her grip was too tight that I never want to open up to her for I might say something wrong and result to another nightmare but not sleeping. She made me strong, she had to get so close to my heart but end up shattering it as she steps back one foot each day making her the closest and farthest person to ever get to me.

To my mom, thank you for making me the bravest and strongest person. But please have open ears as I give you the keys to my real, true heart.