I am missing you my heart
When I am busy with my life
Day becomes longer
Free time becomes shorter
I am losing you
In search of earthly things
I am warned by you
When I am young
But time changed
And forgot your warnings
I have to free myself and
Find a way to spend with you
And come back to normal
Be happy all the time

I'm still trying to understand the fact that no baby is born hating itself and yet as life goes on people will love you but they might also hurt you or leave you or any number of horrible things, and all you can do is let them leave with pieces of you and try to fill the holes back in with something else or else try to forget that the hole is there (or at least try to forget the person that caused it) and as life goes on all of those holes make us grow in different ways than we were headed (like when people make cuts in trees and manipulate to make them grow knotted together -- people put holes in us and we try to grow around them or away from them) and we just get more and more ****** up each time until there are things we don't like about ourselves and then we expect someone else to love our insecurities when all we do is complain about them and how empty we feel (we're all full of holes) and if someone had just told us to keep loving ourselves from the start and to remember that we're all flawed humans maybe it wouldn't hurt so much when I am lying awake at three in the morning because you didn't text me back when you said you would and I'm starting to see all of the imperfections in my face and my personality and I can't sleep because I'm trying to remember just one reason that I ever thought you could love me.

Scribbling of pens
The smell of paper
People wonder
Why I stay there
In my sanctuary
Of quiet and calm
Typing away
At my old battered laptop
The words flow freely
The thoughts do not
This has no rhythm
Nor any rhyme
But I like the way it is
Just fine.

slipped in between
the sheets
in a bed zooming
through space and time
earth underneath
head in dreamland
stars on the ceiling

Lavina beckons but can never go out to play
on void days her Mother escorts her,
red ribbons in her hair
and lace to impart her complicit purity
oh Mother what  have we jointly planned?

I can’t seem to get it together, its as if I'm split in two
But I become a whole, with just the thought of you.
You make a change in me, and I don’t think you seem to notice
I’m becoming more thoughtful, I’m becoming more focused.
No one knows the future, and I know you hate predictions
I’m just glad were both real, and not another piece of fiction.
You click on and off, like a kid playing with a switch in my mind
so I guess you can say in all my darkness , your seen as my light.
I'm a complicated person but you took the challenge anyways
So as long as you stay around, ill make you happy for many days.
I can get out of hand, but I never want you to be scared
I want you to tell me to calm down and that you’ll always be here.
A relationship with you is very unexpected
I promise to protect it, and never make you feel neglected.
You can trust me with it all, with you I treasure everything
I want to give you that I can fly feeling, not only red bull gives you wings.
I think I make it obvious that your special, I hope I make you feel lucky
You will always be something and never treated as nothing.
At times when you start to feel weak, I will help you be strong
just give me honesty and trust, and things won’t go wrong.