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Thought, like
A gunshot.
Like the noise the
Lightning wrought.
Like a crashing wave
That drags me back
Into the tide I fought.
I sought my peace
Inside a void
Where the pressing fears
Might cease.
Where my demons
Would release
Me
But it was all
For naught.
In my darkness,
I was found.
The sporadic,
Enigmatic sound
Of my neural network
Run aground
On the void I used
As a shield around
The fears I loathe to feel,
Saw my defenses
Swiftly drowned,

And I thought.
I'm tired.
Tired of everything.
I just want to sleep,
And never wake up again.

No, I'm not lazy,
I'm not running away from life.
I'm just tired of the world and myself,
And too tired to change anything.
Are you even real
Or was it in my loneliness and seclusion
That my imagination created you
Her eyes bright green
As if she knew
How much I find them so attracting
They’re suffocating and almost crippling
It’s weakening
But are they even real
Because when I look in your eyes
It’s almost as if they’re telling me
Go and hide
Behind this coloration
You’ll find deception
But I don’t know
I can’t go
I’ve been entangled in her words
As if she knew what I wanted her to say
I’m her first love
She only wants me
How can I turn and leave
When these words are so poisoning
They race through my veins
Rotting me
And only she holds the cure
Are you even real
I need to know
My mind says no
But when she speaks her voice melts me
And I can’t help but get lost in her ocean
But I don’t understand
To me you’re perfect
From your hair to your smile
But I can’t even hold your hand
Which leads me to believe
You’re just my imagination
 May 2018 Charlie Black
Bailey
They say it
Over and over
Its suffocating
Air think and hot
Like the blood
That boils
Under my skin
Again and again
I'll do anything
Even stop breathing
Just to make it end
I cry I wish
But nothing works
Useless
Runs around my head
Now and forever
They say
Useless
#pain #useless #sad #crying #blood #over
Die
If I can’t wait to die
Then why not bring death to me

Well, what’s the point of dying
If you don’t try to live
 May 2018 Charlie Black
Frederick
Confined within a space of perceived tranquillity.
I was happy.
Ignorantly blissful, strolling through life as though I was living a dream.
Not realising that disaster was much closer than I had anticipated.
It had disguised itself, lurking in the shadows, biding its time... waiting to pounce on the slightest waver of ones will and emotions.
Disaster can take many forms in order to lower your guard but once disaster latches on to you, the downward spiral begins.
At first you think you can handle it.
You’re a strong and independent person who's able to see the good and empathise with others in dire situations and help them resolve it.
But this situation will never be resolved and will never have a silver lining.
How can I cope when all his hard work is for nothing and just delays the inevitable next outburst?
How can I enjoy myself when constantly surrounded by impending sadness?
I can only take such a beating before I breaks.
Once I break I can never be fully restored.
I can never forget how something has impacted my life.
Those events have changed me.
Now all I can do is wait, wait to find out if I’ve changed for better or for worse.
 May 2018 Charlie Black
Lucy Mohr
the hardest thing to do right now, is choose.
She told me I’m pessimistic
You shouldn’t be this way
Yes I know
But negativity seems to hang over me like a storm cloud
Constantly sprinkling
Damping my clothes
Now I’m soak and wet
And you want me to smile ?
How
Cause I’m tethered to this shadow
With chains
Like I’m it’s slave
And the weight of its anger and pain
Steadily pulling me down
I thought she was my salvation
But how wrong was I to believe in thee
It was foolish to think kind words and a pretty face
Could cause this dark heart
To come out it’s sunken place
There’s no way I’ll ever be able to get out
Maybe happiness
Just isn’t in me
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