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Josh Jul 2017
They gather, to hear musicians play
A few small groups litter the grass
They are like the music
Or the summer sun
They are fleeting
They exist, but for a time
They may even live
But they too shall pass
Into nothing
Should I envy them?
Their joy, however fleeting
Perhaps not
And yet, I do
Josh Jul 2017
Mostly, I am numb
Sometimes I feel
I feel fire, tearing my chest
Or rivers, cascading down my cheeks
I feel that I am, a ghost already
I feel insubstantial
As I breathe, because I must
I pretend, fake, living
In fact I simply move
I follow the actions
The processes, to survive
I, am numb
Sometimes, I feel
Josh Jul 2017
63%
Another night, and I'm drinking
It's the medicine I take
To dull this existential ache
It's only 63% proof
So not 100% effective
But its that or the alternative
So I'll accept it
Half a bottle down
It still hurts to exist
Maybe it always will
I'll stay medicated
Till I live, or die
Josh Jul 2017
And so it begins
A change of scene
The doctor offered pills
But suggested therapy
Thinking, as I hope
I can become a better me
I have paperwork
And advice, for now
I'll get a counsellor
Spill my guts out
Cut out the bad parts
Mental surgery
If that doesn't work
Then I will take the pills
To keep me functioning
I will exist, until I start to live
Josh Jul 2017
Here I sit, this bus stop
This inbetween
A liminal space
Possibility, all that we are
Can be described in these places
Uncertain, possible
The promise of going
But no set destination
I hear two strangers
Talking about relationships
The desire to be with someone
Clutching, scrabbling for something
Anything, this is human
Josh Jul 2017
The jukebox plays an oldie
Everyone is drunk
But they all know the words
If they don't know his name
This, is fame
A memory, one day lost
Think of Alexandria
Now nothing
Once so great
Or deities lost to history
That is the path we all take
We are born, we exist
Maybe even live
We die, and are forgotten
There is no hereafter
No pearly gates
No endless fire
Birth, existence
Then we expire
This is humanity
Josh Jul 2017
Bare, the green
Empty of people
Of life
But for one lone wanderer
People in the park
Fifty feet away
Do they wonder
Or believe they know
Why they're here
Or where they go
In the distance, I can see
A church steeple
That fountain of lies
They claim to know
The how's and why's
Of our existence
Of our strife
It is but an ******
To dull existential ache
To those who are not fooled
It has a bitter taste
Still, the grass is vacant
My hands, they shake
I used to stand up in high places
And fancy, I could see
The whole world, see everything
Stretching out in front of me
I am older now, and not so misty eyed
I see but a placeholder
A thing waiting to die
The tiny ant does not worry
Or count it's passing days
I think that our intelligence, has harmed us in some ways
We know too little, think too much
Try to mark the nothingness
To scratch, to scar
The endless void
We claw, and clutch
At meaning, purpose
These frail, ghostly things
Spectre of a ghost
Shadow of a shadow
These things, they die with us
There is no Eldorado
This is all I know
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