temporariness
is one of the most scary truths we must face as humans
everything in our lives is passing
the hair on our heads
the stain of a sharpie
even the sun
is temporary.

will your love for me be temporary?
will it fade when the collagen in my skin weakens
when my eyes no longer sparkle as they used to
when there is nothing left but an ancient soul in a frail old woman
will it fade then?

in short, what i am asking is
will your love be unlike everything else, and stand the test of time?

39th and a dirt road
     isn't it funny
          how you pretended not to know
               that my petals were falling

39th and a dirt road
     i was walking with bare feet
          my toes brown like the ground
               ***** and grass stained, tainted

39th and a dirt road
     i just can't get over
          this transition is killing me
               maybe it's better this way
                    please promise me
                         you'll stay away

39th and a dirt road
     acceptance is difficult
          the country is calm
               i need to learn to let go
                    if i ever want a shot
                         at a new life
                              so

39th and a dirt road
     is where you'll find me.

your embrace is no longer warm
it's not a field of sunflowers
or a safe place
anymore

now it is a cold winter storm
your arms are the gusts of a hurricane
while i stand in its eye;
we feign our affection
and the air can feel it.

i used to love summer
when it meant long hours of freedom
infinite days of fun
making waves in the pool,
under the sun.

now i dread the heat-filled days
they are a reminder of impending doom
and of past lives that i have lead
how i miss them.

but here i am today
sitting on my bed, typing out what barely qualifies as a poem
just a few hours before i lay in bed, swiping upwards on my phone
listening to background music
crying myself to sleep
all due to nostalgia
all because of the opportunities i had and never took
all caused by the fear i had to live my life.

so no, when you ask me what my favorite time of year is
i will not tell you "summer, of course!"