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Apr 2020 · 170
Colours of Autumn
AsJay Apr 2020
Colours of Autumn
It’s been twenty-six years of an interesting life
Quite up and down like the edge of a knife
One that’s taught me my lessons so far
One that’s produced lots of tears n’ scars

I’ve seen the devil and all he admits
The death in his eyes as he clutched his fist
I’ve felt the shivers go down my spine
And knew that someone was standing behind

I’ve seen my life flash before my eyes
The slow-motion replay stays in my mind
The haunted house that was my chest
That night two hours of sleep was my best

Said goodbye to some amazing people
Each time life felt quite deceitful
I’ll never forget my mentor n’ grandparents
Though no tears they’re all transparent

Gave my life away to caffeine cans
It’s taken time to know who I am
Among everything and the mess I’m in
I’ve taken onboard the life lesson

To bite my tongue before I speak
Fake love will come after I’ve peaked
The fact people show too much defiance
At a time you’re in need of reliance

I’m stronger now even though I’m confused
A heart full of gold that’s always abused
I feel that the colours of autumn are lying
How can things be pretty and be dying?

Now I’m walking the centre line at night
The fog in the air tints the street lights
In a world I feel like I’m sinning
The end of it all is just the beginning
#coloursofautumn
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Apr 2020 · 279
Fantail
AsJay Apr 2020
Fantail
The sun’s leaving a day in autumn
Colours fading as I saw him
A fantail singing in the old silk tree
Chirpin’ in my ear telling secrets to me

I looked as it showed its fan
From then on I knew I was ******
Felt the shockwave beginning to peel
As all the signs pointed downhill  

As now I feel like a pit stop
Drenched and worn like a mop
How can you value a void
When you know it’s probably destroyed?

That deflated feeling like a tire
A date ready to expire
One, two count the excuses
That explains the trust issues

But knowing me I had to help
Unknown to the cards that were dealt
Clubs, hearts or the spades of an ace
Still no tears on my poker face

Decisions n’ opinions
With multiplied division
So abruptly it had to subtract
Math wasn’t my best subject

I’m the equivalent to a piece of card
Bored like the curves on my palm
Laying back while scratching my head
With hair strands hanging by a thread

I guess this is the norm now
No talk just the wish of how
Much I want to be a someone
Instead of being a no one

I cannot imagine anyone to feel
Attraction that’s actually for real
As I’m here questioning the situation
And re-evaluating my orientation

The times have changed
With nothing left to arrange
Spring forward and fall back
The fantail kept my sanity intact
#fantail
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Feb 2020 · 112
Tears
AsJay Feb 2020
Tears
Stuck in the invisible mud
If I fall it’ll leave a thud
Incapable to try to move
The grip’s starting to create a groove

I had my dreams go up in smoke
Better stay low in case I choke
Inside my chest there raged a fire
It burnt everything I had to desire

The only point I’m at is Patiti
I know the waves won’t catch me
Smoking a joint so my blood gets thicker
Maybe it’ll dry my eyelids quicker

I’m a man of little emotion
While looking over the Pacific Ocean
But I’ve got no fears
So I promise you no tears

They don’t shed from my eyes
They’re just hidden in disguise
They don’t run over my skin
They’re just buried deep within

Sweet dreams with a touch of hell
Should I hide it or should I tell?
I’ll just smile and say “I’m okay”
If only I said what I wanted to say
Today I present you with my newest poem, Tears. A poem that’s a direct response to my last poem ‘Change’ also the aspects and emotions that I spoke about throughout the poem.

This past week has been probably the worst week for quite a while and definitely the worst of the year so far, the mind at times wasn’t a healthy place in which I needed to realise the thoughts I was having out into the open, which this poem is the result of that very action.

Just to assure the readers of the poem, nothing in this poem is meant to be alluding to me having any suicidal thoughts, as mentioned above, it’s been a rough week, this poem was the only outlet I had to get everything off my mind. Also, the word in the third verse ‘Patiti’, is pronounced “Par-tee-tee”.

Thank you for taking the time to read this poem of mine, I hope you’ve enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. Your support gives me the inspiration to continue writing more of my poetry.
#tears
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Feb 2020 · 107
Change
AsJay Feb 2020
Change
Today my mind went wild
It took me back to being a child
I saw how innocent I really was
Held back and restrained from my wars

I remember my soul being taken
As if it got abducted by an alien
To think how lost I was back then
Torn and shattered at the age of ten

My father said I could be anything
At the time I felt like nothing
I felt the world had something towards me
And wanted to just replace me

At almost 26 I’m beginning to realise
The lifetime of tears that someone cries
I’m yet to venture out in the open
Because every dream ended up stoppin’

I’m no preacher, I’m no saint
But I feel my body’s got a restraint
From being like a fish in the open sea
Or leaving contrails behind me

Only now knowing the amount of change
And everything I’ll need to arrange
My near future’s dependent on me
I guess it’s time to start getting ready
#change
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Feb 2020 · 122
I See Red
AsJay Feb 2020
I See Red
Sunset skies laying in a cornfield
Look in my eyes to see what’s concealed
I wonder how many days until
People take to notice my eyes are hazel

Red is the colour my heart beats
It’s the colour I see after my defeats
Red is the colour my scars bleed
And the emotions my heart feeds

Every time I lay in combat
While my mind’s gone crazy off the bat
I feel so empty I can’t remember
If most of my life was just a vapour

I had to go through a lot of pain
All the triumph and all the strain
To show my all and my everything
I wouldn’t change the world for anything

The same old ceiling and walls ‘round me
Surrounding my skin when I wanna be free
Like out there with the wild ones
Look at me now, the preaching’s no fun

Take my hand, I’m done being sane
Let’s fly free like an aeroplane
Seeing the world without being halted
Cut the rope, let’s be catapulted
#iseered
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Feb 2020 · 123
The Lion
AsJay Feb 2020
The Lion
Stuck in the invisible mud
If I fall it’ll leave a thud
Incapable to try to move
The grip’s starting to create a groove

I had my dreams go up in smoke
Better stay low in case I choke
Inside my chest there raged a fire
It burnt everything I had to desire

The only point I’m at is Patiti
I know the waves won’t catch me
Smoking a joint so my blood gets thicker
Maybe it’ll dry my eyelids quicker

I’m a man of little emotion
While looking over the Pacific Ocean
But I’ve got no fears
So I promise you no tears

They don’t shed from my eyes
They’re just hidden in disguise
They don’t run over my skin
They’re just buried deep within

Sweet dreams with a touch of hell
Should I hide it or should I tell?
I’ll just smile and say “I’m okay”
If only I said what I wanted to say
#thelion
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Jan 2020 · 155
Toolbox
AsJay Jan 2020
Toolbox
Just like a storm against a window
Depression hits just like the sorrow
With little effort I begin to remember
Yesterday was the end of December

The month full of joy and temper
Memories you just wanna dismember
The beginning of the end for some
Couldn’t wait for it to be done

Shake crackle pop for the new stakes
Fireworks floating down like snowflakes
Sparks burnin’ out like the year did
But flakes are worthless when they’ve melted

Just laying here confused as ever
‘Bout why my chest’s so under the weather
A few nuts n’ bolts for the influx
As if my heart was a rusty toolbox

Life’s full of many tools
Many of them treat us like fools
From the ruler that lines the jerks
To those that throw spanners in the works

I have an issue with noticing silence
Unsure whether I caused such defiance
Hotspots illuminating my radar
Expecting people to say “see you later”

Thank you for teaching me persistence
For teaching me to show my patience
Thank you for the life lessons
Through all that time I kept you guessing

I’m sorry for a reason unknown
Maybe for the muscle ‘round my bone
That raises the hand to let it linger
For you and the year to stare at this finger
To begin the new year I bring you, Toolbox. A poem that has quite several stories and messages going through it, from referencing the usual depression that hits me during December, to be moving on from what was quite a **** year to put it lightly and within the middle parts of the poem, I’m referencing the beginning of the New Year and the lessons I took from the traumatic events from 2019 and being thankful for those lessons, that I used to be able to make it through the tough times and to the end of the tunnel in one piece.
I chose to focus on the comparison of human behaviour and a toolbox because many of the tools in a toolbox have similar characteristics of some people in life, which is unfortunate as it is the truth. Because of this, I believe ‘Toolbox’ couldn’t have been a better title for this poem.
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Thank you for taking the time to read this poem of mine, I hope you’ve enjoyed reading it and much as I did writing it. Your support inspires me to continue writing more of my poetry.
#toolbox
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Aug 2019 · 112
The Hidden
AsJay Aug 2019
The Hidden
Before you think nothing’s forbidden
I’m an iceberg, I’m mostly hidden
Like the one that sunk the Titanic
Deceiving me only creates a high panic

Tryna persuade me into sabotage
I’d rather hide away and camouflage
Now that it’s no secret to you
Hollow apologies are see-through

Some say my mind’s all twisted
Had a direction, guess I missed it
Be aware of the tornado
My vortexes control where they go

You see I’m no longer hurtin’
Your words are no longer burnin’
Glad I’m longer the burden
In that *** you continue to stir in

You know I have to say
If you’re gonna be in my way
Against my mind; the tsunami wave
Good luck if you’re so-called brave

Destroying you with my words
As if you’ve been split into thirds
Nothing violence would achieve
But I’d be careful who you deceive

Got you turning in your sleep
As you try not to weep
Silence is the best ever gold
For you it’s better to be stone cold

Shoot your blank shots at me
Don’t make me your enemy
You’ll get rebounds in return
All you’ll end up as is burnt

Keep your mouth shut
No gentle utters or anything but
Unless you want to face the horn
From the beast that’ll rip you torn
'The Hidden' is probably one of my most impacting pieces of to and is a perfect indication of how my mind and brain work. It's now one of my favourite poems that I've written, which had several phrases circling in my head trying to find a match which kept me busy.
'The Hidden' has messages throughout that should be clear to the reader which of course is dependable with how the reader takes them. The prominent one being myself getting underestimated, misunderstood and then judged, which leads to my reaction in words poetically.
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Thank you for taking the team to read this poem of mine. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. Your kind words and support inspires me to continue writing more of my poetry.
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If you enjoyed this poem, please don't hesitate to check out my Tumblr page with all of my poems in one place.
> @iamasjay
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Who Am I?
I Am AsJay
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#thehidden
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Jun 2019 · 242
Origami
AsJay Jun 2019
Origami
I’m awake, I woke to this
Been thinking ‘bout conversations I miss
Gone like the people I had ‘em with
Guess having people in life was a myth

I’m now losing sleep
But I don’t want to weep
Though how can I go to bed
With all this ******* inside my head?

I wish I could go back to when
The time happiness could’ve been
If only back then I had not rejected
The only woman I should’ve accepted

Can’t stop thinking for even a second
How they vanish like they never happened
My brain wants to stop, thoughts keep coming
Bending my mind like crafting origami

I want to have those moments back
Moments that I wish repeated
It’s like I blinked and my world went black
And everything became depleted

Now I’m back to waiting
Got me working on my patience
Something I’ll admit is irritating
Only to become another acquaintance

I miss them all, all the folk
That either lost contact or ran free
Every ignition that went up in smoke
I suppose there’s more fish in the sea

Oh gosh I’m reminiscing
**** I should be dismissing
The repetition that’s overflown
I guess I’m back on my own
Introducing… Origami!
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Thought upon over the last few weeks and entirely constructed overnight, Origami came to mind after pondering and remembering life while growing up some 10-15 years ago. The poem itself is about myself and the inability I seem to have to keep people with whom I develop bonds with and also wanting to return back to good moments in my life where I felt like the world wasn't such a tight fit like it seems to feel like currently. It's funny that I find it difficult to describe the message behind the poem in words now, yet the words in the poem itself seemed to flow without too much thought at all.
Through my teen years and throughout my adulthood so far, I've noticed that people come into my life and disperse as if I'm only dreaming the life I'm living, so that's most definitely present within the poem.
I chose the word Origami to be the poem's title because my life is very much like the art form with so many sharp turns and corners to deal with in such a short timeframe.
I believe that the wordings within the poem will be relatable to a lot people read and understand the messages behind them.
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Thank you for taking the time to read this poem of mine, I really hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Your kind words and support gives me inspiration and helps me in the long run when writing more of my poetry.
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Liked this poem and want to read the rest of my poetry?
You can do so by visiting my social media:
Instagram: @iamasjay
Tumblr: https://iamasjay.tumblr.com
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What Do You Think?
Did You Enjoy This Poem?
Comment & Let Me Know!
#origami
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May 2019 · 168
New Life
AsJay May 2019
New Life
It’s been four months
Since hell rose up from the ground
With all you’ve done
Is your *** jealous of your mouth?

From all the **** that comes out
How can you still sleep sound?
Look here my life’s halted
You can’t see that you caused it

Woken up today at half three
Knowing I’m gonna see hurt
Praying the mirror doesn’t see me
Cos I’m still dragging in your dirt

If life is about hate I don’t want it
If you understood sense then you got it
Talking about me like I don’t know
Behind my back’s where you’ll go

If you had facts straight in the first place
You wouldn’t have to see them on my face
Now I have to explain again
How I’ve been through all this pain

I can’t wait until it’s finished
When I’ve survived this supernova
The nightmares I’ll get to manage
And be able to move on from

Sick of hatred and accusations
If you knew the situations
I was in you’d understand
I did everything I could and can

Yet you chose your way out
My truth you chose to doubt
Even if I was the innocent
What you did left a lasting dent

Now I’ve got the lesson
To deal with the mess I’m in
I have a new life meant to be
You cowards won’t be the death of me

To everyone that has a problem
Think deserting me will ever solve them?
On the radar I’m undetected
If you choose to leave I’m unaffected

Look at me now I’m cutting corners
The past’s behind me I’m movin’ forward
Remember when I described a doormat
Now my volcano’s not even dormant

Put me out of my misery
Of all the **** you’re causing me
When I’ve done nothing to you
It’s the least you could ever do
This poem was quite a long process in the making, as it took me roughly a week or so to think about what I was going to put onto paper, when it came to writing the poem itself, it took me about 10 minutes to write whatever came to mind at the time and if it sounded good, it definitely made the cut.
New Life, is a sequel to a poem that I released at the beginning of February of this year, called The Flick and is about the same group of people and the same situation that I was in when writing the poem The Flick itself, which is, in fact, the exact same situation I'm in currently.
This poem, New Life, can actually go entirely beneath the poem The Flick and create what I'd call a super poem, or even song lyrics especially that of a rap song if you read them quick enough.
Finally, New Life is the longest poem I've written, it totals to 12 paragraphs, which is definitely long to hopefully get my point across.
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Thank you for taking the time to read this poem of mine, I really hope you enjoyed reading it as much as  I enjoyed writing it. Your kind words and support gives me inspiration and helps me in the long run when writing more of my poetry.
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Liked this poem? If so, check out the rest of my poems on my Tumblr page.
> @underestimated034 <
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What Do You Think?
Did You Enjoy This Poem?
Comment & Let Me Know!
----
Who Am I?
I Am AsJay
#newlife
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Mar 2019 · 169
Bullets
AsJay Mar 2019
Bullets
What’s wrong with our planet?
Where did we go so wrong?
It’s slowly dying and I can’t stand it
It’s only here once and where we belong

I can’t begin, it’s difficult to pause
I sit here stunned in disbelief
How someone could go on and cause
A careless amount of trauma and grief

Saddening that they had to bother
And spread all their hate speech
If you cannot accept someone else’s color
Then who the **** are you to preach?

Hatred is a powerful word
It can boil over and stain in minutes
There’s a better way to cure that curse
Than to express it using a couple of bullets

Like Lennon said let’s just imagine
Jackson’s wish to heal the world
Like Luther King, I had a dream
But woke up and saw the hurt

Straight, bi, lesbian or trans
Muslim, Catholic, Buddhist or Anglican
No matter where your background stands
We’re all people not just a manikin

I’m so angry at humanity right now
For not protecting the Earth
Let’s stop the wars and put the guns down
And support the next generation’s birth
Introducing... Bullets!
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Constructed entirely in 15 minutes after literally waking up this morning, 'Bullets' is a poem that has quite a powerful meaning behind it and a meaning that is quite important to me.
After the recent terrorist attack in my home country, in fact, my home city only 9 days ago... I was completely heartbroken and taken back by the hatred that we as a society have for one another based on our own beliefs.
The poem basically outlines my personal thoughts about the tragic string of violence around the world and the acceptance that is being overshadowed by so much hatred which personally... I think is quite a shame.
I feel that the poem can be related to so many people around the world and I'm ultimately so proud to have written this piece.
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Of course, my thoughts and prayers go out to the families who lost their loved ones in this tragic act of terror that really did hit close to home... may they rest in peace.
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Thank you for taking the time to read through this poem, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. Your support and inspiration really does help me with writing more of my poetry.
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Interested in reading more of my poetry?
If so, find me on my social platforms!
Instagram: @iamasjay
Tumblr: @underestimated034
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What Do You Think?
Comment Below & Share Your Thoughts!
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Who Am I?
I Am AsJay
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#bullets
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Mar 2019 · 264
Poleaxe
AsJay Mar 2019
Poleaxe
This is me, can you see?
Look at what I’ve become
All that’s fallen right before me
Reduces me to being numb

Manipulation is my main streak
According to some opinions
Unsure what has people brutally critique
My reputation within everyday motions

So effortlessly they rip me apart
Like wood while the weapon attacks
Oblivious to my truth right from the start
I’m victimized to a poleaxe

I don’t know where they came from
Accusations with blunt points
All that has been spilt by someone
Really does disappoint

I see you there acting all cool
Wait, I beg your pardon?
Don’t mind me here laughing at you
Diamonds are just pressurized carbon

Insanely tryna make me feel toasted
You’re not and that’s very precise
To all the souls who have left me ghosted
Listen carefully to my advice

Never ever judge a doormat
Don’t think about it at all
They can make you fall flat
And watch you as you fall
Introducing... Poleaxe!
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Constructed entirely yesterday, Poleaxe came to mind resulting from recent events in my life that have basically left me perplexed and wondering how conclusions are made considering that the opinions came from something so tiny.
The title itself is a word that been's written down ever since looking through a dictionary randomly during a phone call and I thought it went well with the context of the poem itself.
For those wondering, I am the doormat that's subjected in the last paragraph and the message is pure and simple, I'm not someone that gets walked over easily haha.
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Thank you for taking the time to read through this poem, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. Your support and inspiration really does help me with writing more of my poetry.
----
What Did You Think?
Comment & Let Me Know!
----
Who Am I?
I Am AsJay
----
Instagram: @iamasjay
Tumblr: @underestimated034
#poleaxe
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Feb 2019 · 268
Burden
AsJay Feb 2019
Burden
Look into my eyes, what do you see?
I bet you’ll say my pupil
Standing there looking straight through me
I must be invisible to you people

I wish my actions reflected the extent
Innocence and the pain I’m causing
To all of the people in my past and present
I’m sorry for being a burden

Distancing is the only option
For me when I’ve caused such grief
Promise me you won’t show any emotion
Everyone’s stay is already brief

I’m sick of being the person to explain
Everything I mean when I’m mistaken
At the breaking point time and time again
It all comes down to misinterpretation

I don’t understand why I’m so naive
Is it me or am I the sole confusion
Don’t be the person that chooses to grieve
When I become another fusion

Look at me now, I’m like an eagle
Soaring as I knew I would
Listen to the wind and hear my call
If only I had been understood
#burden
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Feb 2019 · 278
The Flick
AsJay Feb 2019
The Flick
Look at what you put me through
The unnecessary distress and deceit
Endless nights are now nothing new
Your obligations are now complete

I see I’ve been a pain in the neck
Was I a pimple you just had to burst?
Got to have your reputation on check
While forgetting about the ones you hurt

I left my blood sweat and tears
On the ground that was like a hammock
For all I did I deserved your cheers
But instead you gave me the flick

Now I sit here remembering life
Like seeing the tears I was left in
Had no clue ‘bout your sharpened knife
Like the one you stabbed my back with

You ejected me like a CD-ROM
With no more music to play
Treated me as if I was dumb
It could’ve been handled another way

You thought I walked for the last time
But I won’t without a fight
Watching your faith burn in your lies
You ain’t done with me just yet

I’ll take my knowledge elsewhere
For people that actually want it
Because I know you simply don’t care
You got the outcome that you wanted

I’m writing about you, are you happy?
Giving attention you desperately desired
Like the reaction that you got from me
When you told me I was fired
#theflick
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Jan 2019 · 122
Falling
AsJay Jan 2019
Falling
Sometimes I wonder why
I am lonely; all alone
I just lay here towards the sky
But I’m laying here on my own

I want to be laying with a lady
Feels like that dream is fading
The long nights that leave me hollow
I only wake up to an empty pillow

Laying on the ground saturated
With the sun beaming down I’ve evaporated
Heading to the clouds in all my pieces
To be at peace ‘til my fall increases

Better off safe than being sound
While levitating softly without a sorrow
I feel nothing not even the ground
Is there even a day called tomorrow?

Flashbacks of all memories
While falling from the troposphere
The speed’s burning up my arteries
Breaking up as the end is near

Loneliness has me so upset
It stays until I crumble
If only someone would cast their net
And save me from my endless tumble
Continue reading...
Jan 2019 · 156
I Wish
AsJay Jan 2019
I Wish
Here I am once again
Tryna get an ounce of sleep
Insomnia holding onto my brain
Until I have the urge to weep

Managing to understand
That I’ve got nobody to hold
To end up dreaming of a wonderland
This emptiness has gotten old

Starving myself with my logics
Of potentially never finding love
Feeling overloaded with antibiotics
Don’t wanna be another white dove

Closing my eyelids momentarily
Though I can still see my surroundings
My heart stops beating temporarily
As I adjudicate my boundaries

I think I need to get out and scream
I’m losing weight quicker than a scale
Need to gain back my self-esteem
Hoping optimism would prevail

I wish I didn’t feel invisible
I wish I felt sane in my skin
I wish everything I did was reasonable
To survive the world I’m livin’ in
Continue reading...
Dec 2018 · 168
Pesticide
AsJay Dec 2018
Pesticide
Tonight is one of those nights
When it’s dark and I sense all this pain
So I lay here and wait
For the thoughts to flood my brain

Too far away from light; it seems miles gone
Drifting into levitation with fragments of madness
Darkness throughout; sitting here withdrawn
It’s not just a human it’s an unwelcome sadness

Gone but not forgotten; falling and not stoppin’
Waiting for an idea to catch
My stomach and heart; won’t stop droppin’
I may as well start my scratch

Sometimes I want to cry
I shake my head
Instead I let out a sigh
And say “I want to be dead”

When everything becomes an issue
This feeling I need to question
I whisper that I miss you
Am I the only one feeling depression?

These moments that make me ache and stain
The thoughts I cannot hide
Like a white canvas that looks too plain
I feel so empty on the inside

I don’t want to vent about
Whether I should go through with suicide
But I feel like I’ve been wiped out
By a pesticide
Welcome to Pesticide!
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Probably in my personal top three, Pesticide was constructed in 2017 when my life wasn't exactly going so well [to say the least]. In the mind that was contemplating suicide, word effortlessly flowed from this poem which only took 10 minutes to write from start to finish.
That in itself is quite impressive even for my standards.
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Hope You Enjoyed This Poem!
If so, let me know what you think.
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Thanks. :)
#pesticide
Continue reading...
Dec 2018 · 243
Cinema
AsJay Dec 2018
Cinema
Laying still while trying to restrain
Myself from looking at the canvas
Feeling numb with a hint of pain
These expectations have me anxious

It’s quite difficult to comprehend
That it’s all coked up with stamina
Unsure what’s ‘round the bend
I’m enticed by a private cinema

Flashbacks of past mistakes
And the solutions that would’ve prevented
Remembering what if’s I had to partake
Completely forgetting about the present

Sensations of my levitation
Seemed like I entered heaven
Stretching the limit of my imagination
Like vulnerability when I was seven

Eyelids reduced to a muscle spasm
Visualizing situations in my mind
So much vibrant enthusiasm
That’s still so undefined

Showing me my current dilemmas
Overflowing with thoughts of Celeste
Everything so arched like an omega
All the feelings that should be addressed

Contemplating whether I should bother
While strolling down memory lane
This ceiling has got me in a slither
Can anyone else feel this migraine?

The sunrays come through my window
As the shadow begins to decline
Arriving back from the meadow
Ready for the next storyline
Welcome to Cinema!
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Constructed in mid to late September, Cinema is about my everlasting battle with my mind at the late hours of night and my ceiling, which is described in the poem as a cinema [hence the tltie], there's also aspects of a crush that I had during this time that's mentioned in the poem as well.
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The half of the poem was quite difficult to construct, but I'm happy with the outcome nevertheless.
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What Do You Think?
Tell Me Your Thoughts Below!
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Hope You Enjoyed This Poem!
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Thanks! :)
#cinema
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Nov 2018 · 175
This Year
AsJay Nov 2018
This Year
I’ve always been that body
That would just sit back and observe
Another guy that’s so lucky
To take a woman I’ve tried to deserve

I find myself looking at a mirror
Searching for fragments in my skin
Why can I not find the inner warrior
That can take what I should win

All I see is my injuries
The stress engraved on my forehead
Limbs so frail; I’m weak at the knees
My mind is a fired warhead

It was her that I fully desired
How could I be too late?
It’s like I was too deluded or wired
Before she concluded my fate

We’ve all got scars
I know that much
But we can die at any time
So what’s the rush?

I just want this year to be done
Quick like it’s already been
I cannot recall it being fun
Hurry up twenty nineteen

I wonder what the future brings
Will I explore or stay alike?
I’ll wake in January as the songbird sings
Before I set on my hike
This Year... what a year it's been? It's gone qucikly hasn't it?
This poem is the newest creation from the hatch and is about my perspective of how 'this year' has been.
In the poem I speak about certain events that took place throughout the course of the year, my literal thoughts while going through traumas [fifth paragraph] and questions for the future as I really REALLY don't like the month of Decemeber [hence why I'm realeasing this on the last day of November].
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Hope You Enjoy This Poem...!
What Do You Think?
Comment & Let Me Know!
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#thisyear
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Nov 2018 · 194
Underestimated
AsJay Nov 2018
Underestimated
I want to know how I got here steering at the ceiling
If I can try to get up without falling
To carry on with life while dealing with this feeling
Only to try but then end up stalling

Can’t escape this mind of mine
Trapped in what’s inked on my skin
Same old thought all the time
Can’t seem to let it sink in

The massive weight upon my shoulder
Pins me down to pledge
The pressure’s only getting older
Taking me over the edge

Mirrors are my only competition
I’m the one the makes the decision
Opinions of my single reputation
No one else can see the envision

You can go ahead and tell
Whatever you’ve mistaken
Not my problem to dwell
Sorry if your head has shaken

All the thoughts still flowing through my brain
While laying here all but faded
I don’t know if I’m even sane
But I know I’m underestimated
Written in September 2017, Underestimated came to mind after being totally misunderstood countless times to the point where it got to me, unfortunately, I couldn't seem to be able to voice my feelings about this, so those feelings were transformed into this very poem.
Just like 'Gone With The Wind' and 'Visible', this one's predominately about what I've dealt with throughout my life, that being the judgments from people, being misunderstood and having to explain my intentions in order to be understood. I've realized many times that I'm quite an underestimated person, so that realization turned into this poem.
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Hope You Enjoyed!
Comment & Let Me Know What You Think!
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#underestimated
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Nov 2018 · 203
Visible
AsJay Nov 2018
Visible
You let your feelings be said on paper
Rather than saying it verbal
Amazing how the emotions fade like vapor
I start to wonder, am I visible?

Staring at me as if I’m thick
You really think I’m that stupid?
Who am I to you, some young *****?
Guess you don’t know I heard you say it

I wish I could read your mind
To see where you get your motives
Wondering why you think I’m blind
When I see you carrying your explosives

Opinions dividing me as a human
No matter what; no one’s thrilled
One thing surprising is the confusion
Better be careful to not get killed

Living life without a say
Going through all the struggles
Tryna make it out as though I am brave
Though my pain should be clearly visible

Where are my friends, are they here?
Ghostly marking their presence
I think I can sense something in the air
Or maybe that’s just my annoyance
The second of my trilogy of poems... Visible is another one of the poems in my portfolio that I gladly sit back and grin at in admiration, because of such vibrancy within the words I've used.
Just like the previous poem, that being 'Gone With The Wind', this poem is mostly a stab at what I've seen in my life and judgements made against me.
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Hope You Enjoy!
Comment & Let Me Know Your Thoughts!
#visible
Continue reading...
Nov 2018 · 234
Gone With The Wind
AsJay Nov 2018
Gone With The Wind
I am damaged, I am raw
In pain but I don’t feel sore
Why do people stand and glare
Can you not see me here?

I’ve evaporated into a fine mist
Yeah I know, I get the gist
Everyone seems determined
To make sure I’ve gone with the wind

I wonder if it even comes to mind
Or whether people are being purposely blind
When you spit accusations at my face
It’s not even funny if that’s the case

Maybe it’s when I speak my thoughts
Loudly spoken of all sorts
I know that I may be rude
Based on reminders or maybe my mood

Who knows what lay beneath
My very soul after grinding my teeth
Oh my gosh, I’m being sinned
Guess that’s me done, I’m gone with the wind
One of those poems that makes me smile from how I managed to write something as powerful as this straight from the questions I ask myself on a daily basis... Gone With The Wind is basically about my perspective on life.
This poem really does begin a trilogy of poems if you want to call it that, as the following two pretty much have a similar meaning and vibe to them.
Hope you liked this poem, even better... mind 'blown'.
Enjoy!
#gwtw #gonewiththewind
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Nov 2018 · 248
Willows
AsJay Nov 2018
Willows
Knowing my head’s telling me lies
But my throat hurts as it swallows
Thoughts buzzing ‘round like fireflies
While underneath the willows

From the rising of the sun
To the sunset during summer
It’s hard to forget someone
That gave you so much to remember

Cannot sleep in this empty bed
Unsure if I’m gonna cope
Many colorful shapes in my head
Like an everlasting kaleidoscope

Again seeing you in my cavity
When you wrote an address that night
That wasn’t just a dream to me
I’m gonna hyperventilate

Figuring out what happened to you
Why our talks ended so sudden
Still wanting to find the truth
Two years with completely nothing

It’s easier to move on I know
But you have to understand
Everyone said to just let go
I guess I was a one-man band

I remember when I saw her face
When I heard her say my name
She wasn’t just another grace
I felt her make me sane

Delusion they call it, sensing their hate
I know I saw you in every dream
Hope doesn’t have an expiry date
But silence is the loudest scream
This poem, Willows, was a rather emotional piece to come up with and took some time to construct because of the emotion and story behind it.
The poem is about a person that came into my life back a few years ago, we became close but have since lost contact and the connection that was once so fluent, although she and her memory has stayed with me ever since.
Does anyone else out there wish that sometimes they didn't have such a good memory? Because I most certainly do, but she's a memory I'd rather keep in mind.
Anywho, so here it is... my latest poem, Willows.
Enjoy!
#willows
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Nov 2018 · 195
Freedom
AsJay Nov 2018
Freedom
Why does it take so much?
I’m only wanting to feel happiness
Dreaming of having it in my clutch
But all I’ve got is emptiness

The night sky looks so glim
Stars shining at every corner
Knowing my chances are pretty grim
I’ll go stand over by the border

Fallen from my perch
Of my broken and eroding kingdom
At least now I’ve got the urge
To ******* freedom

Just like a jet soaring the sky
Or like the open water for a fish
I’ve always said I’ve wanted to fly
And now I have my wish

My love for you is strong in every way
While writing this I’ve begun to cry
‘Cause the only thing I feel I can say
Is goodbye
#freedom
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Nov 2018 · 1.6k
For the Sake of Obedience
AsJay Nov 2018
For the Sake of Obedience
Am I a man, or a liability
Visioning myself out of home
All my walls taller than me
And the unescaped feeling of being alone

I sit there like a garden gnome
Staring my fate right into its soul
Thinking I’ll start sipping that Styrofoam
Cos it’s home where I bear the insult

“It won’t work out, it never does”
So much for your encouragement
Wish I was with the clever ones
Running free like a thoroughbred

Preaching at me about having patience
Look at you, you’re full of it
What’s that word you’ve never experienced?
Another one comes to mind, cough cough ‘hypocrite’!

I can’t move on from your effluences
I’m reminded each time I try to forget
Back engaged within those experiences
Then you go and ask why I’m upset?

Wish you could see what I wish
That age doesn’t define anything
The opportunities that went with the mist
When all my friends had everything

Seems like my words make a stain
All I ever do is to be wanted
I have the strength of an aeroplane
That goes towards the wind and not with it

Tonight I’m lonely I can almost cry
In the wake of my very absence
But around you, I keep my cheeks dry
For the sake of your obedience
This poem was quite a task in the making, took roughly a month to construct with multiple lines coming to mind [and they still are].
The poem itself is basically about my life growing up at home and the relationships with the people within the home.
#ftsoo
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Nov 2018 · 79
Reflection
AsJay Nov 2018
Reflection
Laying here looking across the bed
Wondering who’s creasing the pillows
I’m always thinking of you in my head
Oh I miss you more than my sorrows

There’s something about the rain
That turns everything so doom and gloom
Making the memories fade but stain
Without you in this lonely room

You haunt me throughout my dreams
Right until the sunrise at dawn
Hard to comprehend that you’re up there
Hope your mamma’s keeping you warm

I want to know if you’re safe and secure
Or still in love with me the same
Cannot believe that I did little to search
I’ll always carry self-regret and blame

Nowadays I don’t know who I am
Or who I’m meant to be
Without the one thing that made me a man
I ******* miss you baby

Now when I speak someone ends up hurting
I’m not one for giving affection
Echoes saying that I’m a good person
While I can’t even stand my own reflection
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Nov 2018 · 1.1k
Bullies
AsJay Nov 2018
Bullies
I was once the new boy in school
There was I all shy and alone
Where I was I had no clue
Just knew to be on my own

Took just three days
To have an unwelcome crowd
Showing their ways
To keep pulling me down

Not knowing the human in me
Hiding the wounds and fracture
Only knew I was a refugee
From a place that met mother nature

If only you knew the damage
Of the trauma from your attempt
All the stress I had to manage
When I already felt exempt

Depressed enough to even decide
Whether everything was proof
To consider attempting suicide
Due to hanging from my roof

Chose to ignore the *******
Continuously sinking my hopes
Understood their empty morals
While I was trying to cope

I grew into a better man
Life is better than I seemed
Believed in doing whatever I can
To do what I’ve always dreamed

No matter what you’re going through
Or convinced light will dim
Just know that if you be you
You could never let the bullies win
Entirely constructed within a period of 24 hours, this poem is about my ordeal back in 2011-2012 when I relocated schools and cities after the event of an earthquake in my home city. I can't say the reception I received was considerate or healthy.
You could say the poem shows a before, during and after concept because it's basically a story of what actually happened.
The finish is a message to anyone going through either emotional or mental discomfort.
#bullies #neverletthebullieswin
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