My first kiss wasn’t with a boy I loved.
It wasn’t even with a boy I liked.
It wasn’t a dare.
It wasn’t a mistake.
My first kiss was a moment, two people in the same place at exactly the right time it made all the sense in the world but I am like swift winds. I move to fast and spread my self too thin and I let moments pass.
Because that is what happens with moments they only last a moment.
And the moment ended and time pasted and he had other moments and lived in them and I was still playing that moment in my head because it felt like I wasn’t really there.
When I asked what the moment meant to him he said, I don’t know.
Sometime I wish he said nothing or every everything, just anything more then I don’t know.
I didn’t kiss a boy I loved.
I didn’t kiss a boy I liked.
Instead I kissed a moment.
And I think I missed the moment.

When he climbs on top of me
I’m silenced.
Fearing if I fight
he’ll hurt me worse.
I can smell the alcohol
on his breath as he says,
“I love you,”
He puts his hands
under my shirt
and asks, “do you love me?”
I don’t reply
He puts his hand around my throat
“I said, do you love me?”
I whisper “yes”
because my life is in his hands
He says, “your body is mine, and it belongs to me”
At the sound of his zipper
my heart sinks
I know what’s about to happen
I beg him to stop,
That if he truly loves me,
He wouldn’t do this
But my words don’t mean a thing.
I try to push him off me
but he pins me down
He rips off my clothes
and I lay there as helpless as a mouse
trapped in an eagle’s grasp
With tears streaming down my face
I cry, “please stop, please stop, please stop”
But my cries go unnoticed
He spits on his hand
and forces himself inside me
I stop fighting
because I know
what’s done is done
I stare at the empty ***** bottles on the shelf
as he penetrates my body, my mind, my spirit.

It haunts us, we are scared of it.
But we spend a lot of time thinking about it.
We walk around wanting it.
It drives us, makes us passionate.
Ditch everything we know just to chase it.
Wake up the next morning hoping to revisit.

It is different for each person, and we try to make the most of it.
Next year we make a bunch of promises, and swear to it.
No more this, no more that, but more of it.
Finally be the person we want to be, get really fit.
Time passes by, we forget it.
Maybe next year we will regret it.

Once you look around, you will remember it.
Slow things down, take a glance, it will hit.
Every second counts, do not ever quit.
You only get it once, before you split.

It is called life, cherish it.