"HELLO DARKNESS , MY OLD FRIEND"

As the radio spewed out the words
To the "Sounds of Silence" an old
Simon and Garfunkel song

"I'VE COME TO TALK WITH YOU AGAIN"

And Mary would turn the volume down
Quickly and explain

We were maybe upper teens but Mary
Had an understanding
Beyond the prophets vision
She would explain the hidden meanings
Of the songs to me

"BECAUSE A VISION SOFTLY CREEPING
LEFT IT'S SEEDS WHILE I WAS SLEEPING"

At the time the Viet Nam war was raging
And our friends were dying for nothing

Jake my best high school friend
Had died at nineteen
Mary's brother was listed as missing in action
And never came to a conclusion

After that Mary sort of lost it
And acquired her nickname
But we both learned to cope with it
And music was the cure we both sought
For healing

"AND THE VISION THAT WAS PLANTED
IN MY BRAIN STILL REMAINS"

Mary grew up , older and married
Some pseudo fake frat guy
Who remained 18 for the rest of his life

Mary turned into a pill dropping alcoholic
And one night went to bed and never
Woke up again
And I can hear her saying ,

"DEEP WITHIN THE SOUNDS OF SILENCE"

Or should I say ride?
Should I say rather,
burning down the highway far too fast and wishing that maybe
just maybe I could find it out there somewhere
that was place where I could stop existing.

So I push the boundaries
push so hard to get through this unreality
drugs and ***** and ***
or alternatively
faith, religion and morality?

I've walked both ways
the straight and narrow
as well as the crooked and wide
and NOTHING has ever satisfied
the burning need to feel
alive.

So tell me readers and writers
inform me if you please
or perhaps sell me something
gimme some peyote or holy water
anything and everything
to explain why in all this self-induced rage
He has yet to simply let me die?

Because something inside is not of me
a two faced fiend with no imagination
and a jealous heart looking on the world
with scorn and derision,
knowing that there is a world out there
that I can see but will never be.

And apparently no one can teach me what to do
can't seem to inform how to simply be
seemingly the easiest of acts
but some hole in my soul
will not allow me to achieve.

i don't write
to please anyone
i don't write
for attention
i don't write
for compliments
i don't write
to make anyone fall in love with me

i write
because i feel
i write
because i need to
i write
because my mind is too loud
i write
because my mouth is too quiet

I'm not trying to romanticize something that is not there. The truth is, I don't even remember half of the conversations we had. I don't recall the feeling that came along when I'm talking to you. Was I happy? Was I sad? Did I even feel something? But then there's this space thudding in my chest, forming in my gut and it says that I miss you. I don't know why. I don't know how. I just do. It just seems like the missing puzzle piece in me is screaming. And it's screaming you.

I am a collective of a most  considerate refusal
yelled at 110 decibels like a masseuse gone wild
on top of you jumping try yen to loosen
post or pre menstrual cramping
manipulating selective preemptive
decepting what I mean and what I does
fallowing the child  run or a boar's rut
into your gut
falsify credentials act tough when I get caught
bust a nut every 9 months
into the air usually,
**** can  seams of truth dreamy means
****** . ha

a was b cause c ause he d id e arned f irst g ave h is I d
j ust K arl L oved m any n ot o ne p er q uite r s ane t o
u ndo v ery w ell X poses Y z?

I can still remember your voice,
Fragmented as though refracted through a prism
I remember pressing delete on the last voicemail you ever sent me,
You called to thank me for the flowers,
You called me thoughtful, sweet,
You were tripping over your words with joy,
And I couldn't handle it after you left,
Because your voice reminds me of symphonies and plane crashes
And oh God, how it still echoes sometimes,
Like the sound of a child's laughter ringing across an abandoned playground,
Your voice resonated with the frequencies of my heart strings,
And now I fear it would only cause earthquakes