What do I do if my pain causes them pain?
Do I spare them?
Or does misery demand company?

I was not myself for weeks
yet nobody noticed.

Letting myself hurt so that I don’t hurt you

I won’t keep apologizing for the way I feel just to make you feel better
I hate that I’m hurting you but I’m hurting too
Are you going to acknowledge that?
Are you going to apologize to me?
Are you going to tend my wounds even though you yourself may be bleeding out?
Am I to just always be the caretaker giving every piece of me until there’s nothing left?
I can’t speak my mind because it hurts you and makes me feel like the bad guy
I have to tiptoe over your emotions
Scared that if I make one misstep It’ll shatter you
I know you’ve got your demons but I’ve got mine to
I’m exhausted from trying to fend off yours while mine are slowly winning
What can I do when
Loving you is killing me
But a life without you is worse than death

Shoulders sagging
Heart heavy
Your mind is miles away
Surrounded by bodies voices and smells
But youve never felt more alone
You’re tucked in a cage inside your mind
Looking for the key you’ll never find
Overthinking overwhelmed
Depressions taken hold
Body shaking teething clacking as if you’re in the cold
Eyes wide open ready to sell the secrets that you hold
But you sit and listen only speaking when you’re told
Hardly living
Just existing
Barely getting by
Cross your heart and hope to die they’ll never see you cry

I’m not ok but maybe tomorrow I will be
Maybe tomorrow all will be forgotten
Or maybe it’ll all be stuffed back inside
Back inside the jar that just about too full to hold anymore
Maybe tomorrow I’ll put my own feelings first
Maybe tomorrow you’ll notice when I leave the room to cry so I don’t burden you
Or maybe you already know and tomorrow you’ll care
Maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up and not hate myself for once
Maybe if I loved myself you would to
Maybe tomorrow I won’t be sitting here writing this with a tear stained face while you sleep peacefully in the next room
Maybe tomorrow I’ll be able to lay in bed with you without crying and just wishing you knew I wasn’t ok
Maybe tomorrow I’ll want to see another tomorrow for myself