Food settles in my stoach like a weight has been dropped on my head
The fat settles around my bones weighing me down
10 cal
20 cal
240cal
270 cal total
only have room for 30 more
Dinner
Too much food
I can't do it
Huddled on the cold bathroom floor
I don't know what else to do
I can feel my fat settle around me when I sit
When I run
When I look in the mirror
My shirt diesn't fit correctly
I can't pull my pants over my hips
Though I know it's becuse my mum dired them
My brain won't belive its true
Ive been told I'm skin and bones
But all i feel is fat
I pass out every class but no one sees that
I'm so tiered.

A tourture that breaks and distorts my mind
Every calorie cafrefully chosen
Written in a journal
Every thing ive eaten since 8th grade
No breakfast
Running out the door a weitght in my stomach
No lunch
Drinking a monster
10 more calories than I need
Vaping in the bathroom
Dinner
Dreaded dinner
I have to sit and eat with my family
No excuses
Work it off after dinner
Do I go there
Do I sit on the floor racking my lungs
I can feel the fat settle on my bones
Crying myself to sleep
Repeat

Ciggerets gather on the dashbored
Shot glasses piled high
Windy night
Shivering in your arms
As you hold me tight
No light on your lips
The ciggrett dangles from my mouth
And you hold me
Not judging
Just there
In a moment
That I will Never Forget
You don't care about my vaices
My habits
My pains
You don't give me these things
But you accept
That this is me
And i'm doing all I can to hold on
Thank you dearly
For I love you
For not being the reson I let go

Hair ties
And ice cubes
And red lipstick
And tape
And gum
And rubber bands
And holding hands
And long sleeves
And bracelets
And makeup
And lip picking
And piecings
And tattoos
And spending money
And hot showers
But Im totally better now

Wrists cuffed by the hands that hurt me
Throat bound by the man who broke me
Legs bruised by the weight of his hate
Arms brusied by his grasp
But he won't have me
But he'll forever be there
In a mind broken by HIM

Order       Chaos
Light        Dark
  White        Balck
    Happy       Sad
      HELP ME FIND MYSELF

Anger clutching at my mind
Nails scraping through layers of flesh
Fingers balled into fists
Nose ******
Lip split
Bruised knucles
Black eye

Anger gasps for release
Coiled fist
Shot out like a piston
Knucles in searing pain
****** faces
Broken bones

ANGER