I remember the first time my soft hands held yours which were like a rose.
How your thrones pricked at my skin causing me to bleed.
And how I feel in love with that feeling because I thought it was love
I stayed with you despite how you told me I was nothing but a pesky ****

It wasn't till you do rudely poured poured poison all over my soil and grew so tall you hid me from the sun
That I finally decided our graden bed was to small for me

Now it's been a couple years, and I no longer shead tears for you.
The scars you left on my hands, now faded out, and covered by flowers I began to sprout

From sitting in the back together
To not being able to look at each other
It was your insecurity that lead us here
Or maybe it was the pressures from your peers

Those were your promises to keep
But instead, you'd rather make me weep
So no more long car rides
Or trying to save your pride

For you are nothing new
Just something that makes me blue
Goodbye little gas station boy
I no longer wish to be your toy

Arms streached out
I take a step back
May my body lay about
All dressed in black

To all that would weep
Death is cold
So remember to count your sheep
And pray you dont get old

Thank you for trying so hard
Even when your so broken
You keep on trying to love
And your always so open
Even when I've wished you'd stop
You keep beating

I am a wonderer.
I don’t follow the path set for me
I’m like a bird who is free
I don't follow society's rules
Because the fear of being rejected is so minuscule
And what I say ,to you might seem like a mouthful
But to me it's extremely colorful

I may not be good at art
But i follow my heart
For what to me might seem like a symphony
Can seem to you like Blasphery

But I hope that you can see
That the difference is great to me
O' dear God this rhyme
Makes it seem like I'm wasting my time

Where is this going
It kinda seems to be growing

Ode to the boy in the gas station
Why are you such a temptation?

You think I'm unaware
But Sometimes I catch your stare
And that kinda makes me scared
Not for the fact that you cared

But what if I fall for you?
Will you fall for me too?
Or have you already fallen?
Is it my heart that will be stolen?

If words could tell you how I feel
Maybe they'd make your heart squeel
But for now I take all the sticks and stones
Just so they won't break your bones

Maybe if I held your hand
The world would feel like distant Lands
But instead you play away with her hair
And take away all her air

Sometimes I wonder if you whisper in her ear
And the thought of it make my heart tear

When I moved here a few months ago
I was so scared of what it would be like to call this place home
But now I sit in class with you and my heart goes "woah"
You make me feel a little less alone

Your hands in my hair
And you whisper in my ear
"There there"
Makes everyone else disappear

Sometimes I wonder
Do you do this for her too?
Because she is your lover
And that's not who I am to you

Me and you set fires
But she makes you smile

I swear if one more person tells me that me being who i an is just a phase
I might lose it
Me liking girls and boys is not a phase
Me cutting my hair short is not me trying to be a guy
Me wearing the color black does not make me a satan worshiper
it doesn't mean I'm depressed girl who's lost her way
no it just makes me who I am
everything about me is not a phase
its me expressing how I feel through the way I look
and it's me being true to myself
So if that makes you uncomfortable then walk away
because i'll keep my head up high
and look at the sky

I know that my clothing might seem dark
And that my face my say *******
But don't be scared
There's a wacky ****** deep down in here
Despite my cold arura and the way I dress
I promise I'm actually nice

I see you looking at me
As I walk away
So happy i didn't stay
But that's okay
I'll try again another day

I reach for the stars
But they seem so far

For Four years I knew I was totally into girls
For three year my mom read the bible to me
For two years I wasn't allowed to have sleepovers
For one year it was like nothing happened

That was four years of depression
Three years of hiding
Two years of heartbreak
One year of not feeling any thing

It was four years of depression
Three years of self hatred
Two years of anxiety
And One year of mental abuse from my cousin

Now I hate the girl in the mirror
I hate her thighs with battle scars
I hate her long hair that's always in the way
I hate her hands for it makes people think she got burned a little but is just a birthmark

But oh how i love her eyes
The beautiful brown orbs
That sometimes seems red

There is a box i keep hidden under my bed
A box full of letters to the people I miss when I shouldn't
Every time I'm angry or sad I write a new one
It always makes me feel better
But the ones at the bottom of the box aren't from me
There to me
There the ones I couldn't burn for some reason
So shove them in a box to help me forget
Forget about why I'm so broken
And who Broke me

Please go the **** away
I'm not ready to listen to the yelling and fighting this year
I don't want to go and pretend to like my ******* ******* cusion
I'm not ready to hear about all the ******* that happens at her school
So please go by quick

- The girl whose family you ruined

Someone help please take my hands off of around my neck
And help me breath
Because my vision is blurry
And it seems I've lost my way
The girl in the mirror might look like me
But she isn't so don't believe her when she says "I'm fine"
Her goofy smile is gone
And she doesn't eat cookies sitting upside down
The flame in her eyes are gone and has been replaced with an ocean
No she doesn't slit her wrist
but sometimes she wonders why she stopped
and then she remembers it's because she got caught
she doesn't talk much so people don't hear her scream S.O.S

One day when I'm older I'll make myself a garden
A garden only i know of
A secret place where I don't have to worry about a thing
I'll grow all sorts of things like lemongrass and Lillys
It'll be a place where animals will go to rest
And I hope that one day I'll find someone special enough to share it with

Sometimes I want to high five you in the face with a chair
No i don't hate men
I just hate the men my age
They seem to only care if girls have big ***** and small waist
Or if she has a good face
They seem to have forgotten how to treat a girl
They treat girls like toys and not actual humans
They make bets on how long they can date the "freak"

Sincerely,
the Freak who's sick of how you treat women

Think of a dream you'd wish would come true
Now close your eyes and count to three
Wait a while and you'll see
The thing you dream of will soon be
In arms reach

She has a smile that is so divine
But she doesn't know I want her hand in mine
We’ve only met once
But that was enough
To lit a spark deep down inside

When she calls i always pick up
We talk for an hour
And then she hangs up
But i don’t mind

She asked me out once
But i think she forgot
I guess the problem was
We didn’t set a date
But thats okay i can wait

I know a girl
Whose smile lights up the world
The sound of her laughter
That came right after
She twirled

Her curly hair
And big brown eyes
Could take my air away
I know she’ll be wise

For she has three sisters
Who are better than any misters
And although she might not know
That we’ve always watched her grow

she’ll always be our one and only vine
That will always shine

I hate going to sleep
Every time i close my eyes and drift away
I see the people who hurt me and were toxic
And what hurts the most is I miss them
I miss the random 3am face timeing
I miss the stoping each other from getting into fights
I miss stealing each others binders
But i'm not suppossed to miss them
I should hate them
but i don't

I knew a girl who told her woes to the moon
She always reached for the stars
Her curly brown hair perfectly framed her face
Her brown eyes gleamed as she stood at the window
And she grew she began to draw the moon
She stayed up to look at the stars
Until she meets a boy who changed her world
He made her feel special
Until he broke her heart
She cried until the moon came up
And she told him all of her woes
She never lost sight of the moon again
And every night she finds him

If I were to go missing or to die at any momment
my friends wouldn't miss me
I deleted messenger one day and none of my 9 friends tried to even contact me
they all had my number
6 months later one of my friends contacted me and apoligized because her phone had been broke and she just got it fixed
she told everyone assumed i was DEAD
Aperently for 6 MONTHS everyone decided i must have DIED
make sure you know who your friends are

I love the scent of lemon grass
It makes me think of home
It reminds me of walking around my hometown's
It makes me think of my niece Ivy
It make me think of baking brownies
It reminds me of my 9th birthday party when my papa squirrel threw me a surprise party

If your going to cry do a handstand
so your tears don't fall
look in the mirror and make a silly face
so that you laugh instead
Grab a peice of paper and write something good about you on it so next time you can read it

that night when you stayed over
And showed me the scars
I carefully took your arms
And kissed your wrists
To show you the love you needed
I opened my arms and hugged you
I told you about my woes
And how I used to do the same
the next day we took a long walk down the road
I listened to you talk
and each time you cut i'll do it again
I'll calmly roll up your sleeves and kiss you wrist
because I know I'll get through to you by **** that

One second I'm drowning
And the next I'm floating on water
Sometimes I don't care and sometimes I care to much
I had a friend who was allergic to bananas
Its been 2 years since we stopped talking
But I still won't touch bananas
I sit there at night staring at my phone wondering if I should text the girl I like
But i force my self to walk away because i don't want to be over bearing
Sometimes i won't message people for days because i don't care
Because i'm always the one who text them first
I'm constantly saying i'm fine when I'm not
I'm constanlty fighting with my self on if I'm being anoying

At first glance
You might think I'm some sweat girl who's always smiling
But once you get to know me you might think she's sweet and silly
But after a year of knowing me you probably began to realize I'm a sweat ****** who's over protective
After a little over a year you realize I'm kinda an *** at times and I don't take **** from anyone
Sometimes I can be cold and won't give a ****.
So don't base how someone will be at first glance actually get to know them

I never knew what it was like to have a brother
Until I meet my best friend
He likes to say he's my brother from another mother
And he practically is
We talk to each other about everything
But we don't judge each other
We have a bond like the brothers and sisters do in movies
Except ours is stronger
We've been through thick and thin
And when were together its like he's the sun and I’m the moon
We work together to get things done
He's the person I'd call to help me hide a body
He's my person

To the girl I think likes me
Why do you have to be so cute
From your cute little nose
To when your on your tippy toes
The way you call me out of nowhere to ask me whats a good movie to watch when your with your friends
To the way you tried to ask me on a date to which i said yes
It makes me feel important
But now I'm starting to worry because I'm beginning to think you forgot that we never set the date so we could go on our date
But maybe it's just my anxiety getting to me
I wonder if you think something happened to me since my phone broke
And the good morning and good night text I'd send you stopped
But don't worry as soon as I get a new phone I'll send you a message first
Because I don't want you to worry
So just keep smiling and don't worry
'Cause I'm going to find a way

I have a very christan friend who I've  known for 3 years now
and I have yet to tell him I like girls and boys
because he likes me but ive finally decided to tell him as soon as possible
but if he tries to freaking preach to me about how its wrong
I'm going to block him
there will be no second chance
he's just going to have to **** it up and deal with it
because he has no say i am me and i'm not going to hide anymore
boo-hoo i'm going to hell- i already know that
I've spent 4 years fighting my mom about me liking girl and she doesn't care now
so yeah i'm not going to hide
and no i won't feel bad if i have to block him
because I've put up with him for 3 years now and he's an *** so who cares

the words i love you are three words I can't bear to hear
for when someone says them they mean goodbye
because when someone says i love you
they begin to push me away
except my best friend because he knows I'm not easy to get rid of
I'm one of those people who are really shy and seem super nice
but there actually really weird and are very scary
I'm one of the people who would actually stab you if you take my food
but the second I hear the words i love you
I get worried because it means something is wrong
so instead of saying it i tap people three times
or type dot dot dot because I don't like that word
and I feel bad for these little love sick people i know
and no it's not that I'm scared of love
it's just I've seen what love can do to people

It’s time i let go
Of this silly fantasy
The one we created
So we’d be there for each other

We both know that we can’t keep this promise
So I’ll play the bad guy and call it off
So no one gets hurt

I’ve changed the plans
I’m turning the tables
So go after your dream
Even if it seems like a fable

Don’t worry we’ll still be friends
Were just going after different things
I’ll go to asia
And you’ll be in the states

I’ll be 14 hours ahead
7,498 miles away
I plan on working a few part time jobs
And you’ll be oh so busy

I’d rather end this now
Then it blow up in our faces later
I’d rather you be angry at me now
Then wonder what you did wrong later
Because it's not you who did anything
Its me who did
I shouldn’t have encouraged the impossible
Yes we’re young and naive
But we should think more thoroughly
About things that will affect us later in life

so its time to say goodbye