Floor

Floor Jul 2019

cut

moments like this hurt like hell
and I don't know how to make the pain go away
without hurting myself some more

#depression #sad #cut #anxiety

Floor Jul 2019

dear mom, you live in pain every day and it makes you hate your life
it also makes you hate me
I know you love me most of the time, and we have good times
But you can't help but make comments about my problems
You can't help but tell me what I do wrong
You can't help it
I know you can't
Your pain controls your life like my pain controls mine
But we never break and that's the ******* problem

You broke

it feels like you hate me more right now
You hate me for getting the help I need, while you are too scared to admit your problems
I was six when it happened
And it still feels like I lost my mother during that accident
I need you mom, but you need me more right now
I'll take care of everything
I'll help you get through it all
You aren't bad
You aren't evil
You are in pain
and if there's one person who knows what that feels like, it's me
I promise I will take care of you
But momma, I need you too

#depression #family #pain

Floor Jun 2019

What the **** is going on

Why the hell is everybody on their phone?
Why is the answer to life on the ******* phone?
And is the answer to my happiness in the cloud?
And if I die will anyone notice if I'm not around?
Why is the gram more interesting than paper in your hand?
And why am I the only one who doesn't understand?
It's like they got the instruction while I live in destruction
Why are people smiling while they're all so sad?
I dare to tell you a part wished they were dead
And why the hell is the temperature rising?
Why the **** don't we talk about that
Because all we care about is our streak on snapchat

#depression #madness#mentalhealth #anorexia #sanity

Floor Jun 2019

They don't know

That I've lost more tears than words
That I've been scared of being intimate since the boy that abused me
That I'm hurting inside so badly that all I can do is laugh about it because I can't cope with the feelings in my head
That my mother is so depressed that the whole house is shaking
That my father cries silently in his room at night
That my sister is rather not at home
They don't know
They don't know why I wear scars like a crown
Why I wear bones like pearls
They don't know why I push them away
Why I love flowers more when they are dead
They don't know
Because I choose to
I need to be strong for my family
I need to keep the mask on
They don't know I'm wearing a mask
They just hear my name and associate it with the things I spill on the table
They will never know
I won't let them know

#depression #madnessmentalhealth #anorexia #sanity

Floor Jun 2019

How

How did you peel open your eyes
After every blink?
How did you open your lips
After every word they screamed at you?
Why didn't you fight back with every tear they made you lose?
How did you not see the little dots of light in the evening sky hoping to be saved?
I know you wanted to be one of them
You wanted savior, but didn't let people close enough
That's the difference between you and the stars
They pull me close with a telescope, you push me away with all the power found in your fragile bones.
But then again, how did you become one of them?
How did you become one of the stars?

#depression #madness #mentalhealthanorexia #sad #sadness #sanity

Floor Jun 2019

Insect of self doubt

There is an insect inside of me
His name is depression
He's feasting on my innards
The pain moves up to my brain
It spreads through my veins
Now I'm shaking and choking on my own blood
Tearing up
Would that I could
And I am so very tired
If I could only end it all
Where am I, what can I do to stop this?

Who's there to trust?

#depression #madnessmentalhealth #anorexia #sanity

Floor Jun 2019

Dissolve me

I wish I could dissolve in water like salt can do
I wish I could part my molecules into such tiny pieces that you wouldn't be able to recognize them as me
I spent all my life hating myself, wondering why people ever put me here in the first place
I am self destructive
I am all kinds of wrong
I don't want to hurt the people close to me, so I put my guard up and don't let anyone come near me.
It's the only way I see things work
I wish I could dissolve like parfume does in air
Leaving a sweet smell behind that you'll remember for a while, but not
forever
I wish I was here for a moment, for only a splitsecond. You wouldn't be able to see me as a person, but as the substance that I want to be. I wish I was ashes and free to flow wherever I please. Just to feel free in my own skin for once

#depression #madness #mentalhealthanorexia #sad #sadness #sanity