Reminded of a time when I felt so dark inside
Almost as if my identity was slowly being erased from this earth.
My reflection one big blur.
My identity non existent.

I no longer recognize the girl in the mirror.
Her pretty face with hollow eyes.

A small part of her afraid for her.
And the rest numb to the realization.
Man!
I almost lost her.
I want to apologize to her.
For almost refusing to harken to my truth.

For almost extinguishing her bright contagious flames.
For almost becoming the sad women, yet a beautiful fool.
  
I now vow to fight for her
To become the warrior princess she is destined to be.

I vow to always listen to her truth
I want to acknowledge her dreams and opinions.
I embrace her like never before.

Like war paint on my face,
I will wear a smile whenever I want
A tear whenever I want
A grin and even a blank slate whenever I want.

She is unapologetically me.

Never to be hidden again
Never an imposter of my truth - my true self

I will be me- me in it's purest form

And any disagreements or negative challenges or wills to change it will quickly be removed without hesitation.

For she will be seen.
She will be heard .
She will be loved and aware .
She will be.

She is here to stay
She is fearless, driven and believes in magical miracles daily.

She is me.
She is Shayleen.

Oh, mother of manes
Tell me about your pain
Thy unnerving conquest
Is but a game

Roll the dice
And tell the price
Watch the bodies pile
Take a walk to hell
To claim your prize

Before you realise
The mythology
Metamorphosis




For in that realm-
There she frolics
With them ghosts and the dead
For that holly-holic
Alcoholic nightmare
Laid neatly on a bed
Of flames


Oh, you mother of manes

Me ?
I am

mesmerised by madness
A chaotic sadness within
Your head


Oh, my queen of dread
You are
In every withered poets dream
In words those speak
Loud enough
For the living to cherish

I must perish
Before she claims me
And another one of her lies

Oh,
and please don't tell me
It's that easy
To stay mad forever
Without ever closing your eyes.

Awaken my soul, body and spirit
Awake and be known to thy self
Awake and take hold of the beauty for ashes
Awake -blast open your eyes

No longer to be caught under the muck of past pains
Disappointments have no definition now

Awake and see that you are finally free
Freer than you'll ever be

Morning dew peeking through my window

Fighting to shatter my darkness within.

I turn over fighting my demons poking at my soul.


Shouting to me that I won’t last long.

Last couple of days, felt like a nightmare without escape.

Not even my shadow wants to appear from the hell I’m living in.

Staring at my reflection in the mirror echoes my pain, so I avoid my own eye contact, to avoid my pain.


How can you live a life so pure, so true; to have it ripped right underneath you? Evil, betrayal, deceit, hate, ****, die!

Words, feelings, qualities all trying to consume my identity.


How could this happen to me?

As if I could be exempt from suffering.

I forgot suffering, I forgot to expect it, I forgot it exist.

But now its existence wars within me to destroy me.

I don’t want to fight.

Let me give in.

Let me surrender to the truth darkness reveals, to a falsehood the light covered.

All trust – obliterated into a million pieces floating in the air of black and grey.

What will heal me now?

Yet still, I must rise from this ugly place.

The ground is cold and hard to rest on.

The food lacks and taste of bitterness and hate.

There is no sun, only a paralyzed eclipse.

I scream “No more”!

I have to leave this place.

Nothing makes sense.

I fight to remember my reflection without pain.

I must.

There has to be some beauty left in me.


Rise!


I must rise!


I will rise!


I am rising slowly.

She walks alone in the rain now
The only cover she worries for is her own
Solo is her path
Full of solitude and purity
The most adventurous  she's  ever felt
It's been a long time since her last thrill
Alas she steps into the puddles without a care
Splashing into all the joys that life has to offer
Laughing
No longer oppressed by the resistance
For her soul is a repellent against the odds
Each rain drop a song in itself
A thunder storm the orchestra of life
She walks in the rain and smiles