I have a dream, no not that of Martin Luther king,
but that which is beautifully flawed, making you perfect.

I am no writer so bear with me as I try to put into words
That which my heart cries out. I pray that I will one day find you
And not because I was searching but because it is written.
I pray that our friendship will not be a toxic one
Where one gives and the other takes it all.

Oh dear future friend,
I pray that you won’t spend so much time self-
Proclaiming your worth that you forget mine,
When in matter of fact we are all worth life to the one
Whose opinion only matters.

I pray that you will love me enough to not have to
Play the victim always, nor I for that matter.
I pray you won’t have to raise your voice,
Just so your opinion matters for no one knows it all.
I pray you won’t abuse my nature so much that even
The lashes I’ve taken have no hold on your words.
I pray I won’t go to bed hurt because you failed to care

Oh dear future friend,
I pray you will show me my wrongdoings without condemning me,
Or proving again how much more righteous you are than I am.
I pray you won’t count the grains of rice I lend from you
To one day reclaim them all.

Oh dear future friend, I have a dream.
A dream where I will wake up everyday wanting
to try and be a better friend to you
Than I was the day before.
I pray that you will not only remember that you have a friend in me
Only when storms surround you, but that you will remember me too
While you dance in the summer rains lit with rainbows.
Dear future friend, I pray that we will write our own meaning
Of friendship, one that has no laws or subtle terms
And conditions applied.

But mostly oh dear friend
I pray that we will become friends
Not ‘because of’ but because
Just because

Dear future friend
I think I’m already in love with the thought of meeting you……..

I think that somewhere in our past there is something tying us together, maybe you were my wife in the holocaust and as we were ripped apart one final time in front of the auchwitz gates I shouted "WEAR WHITE SHOES SO I KNOW ITS YOU",
Or maybe even better,
Maybe you were english royalty and I an irish farmer and every day id see you on my way to market and offer you a smile that you still remember.
Maybe when the atoms that make us up came together they couldnt all fit into one body, so they decided two bodies in different places with unique experiences that can come together to strengthen each other and help each other grow is the ideal use of their conundrum.
But maybe im just rambling....

1) It's not your fault
2) You did nothing to deserve this
3) It's okay to cry
3) It's okay to cry for hours
3) It's okay to never stop crying
4) the alcohol will not help
   You'll just see them in
   everyone else
5) It's okay to hide inside of yourself
   Just don't dig too deep
   You just find them again
6) They do not control you
   They do not control you
   They do not control you
7) The leaves moving behind you
   are not them
6) they do not control you
7) If you need to run,
   ******* run,
   run until you can't breathe
   run until you can't see
   just run
1) It's not your fault
   It's not your *******
   fault
   don't you dare let anyone
   tell you it's your fault
1) It's. not. your. fault.
2) You did nothing to
   deserve this
   this isn't karma
   biting you in the ***
2) you did nothing to
   deserve this
3) Cry
   cry until you can't
   breathe
   cry until you can't
   see
   cry.
4) The alcohol will not help you
   they are not demons
   you can't drown them
   in whiskey
5) It's okay to get lost in
   yourself
   Try to find yourself again
   I understand they tore down
   everything that was
   real
   just don't dig so deep
   that you lose everything.
6) They don't control you
   I know you still feel
   locked.
   They do not control you
   They don't ******* control you
7) Run,
   find release
8) Don't forget to breathe
9) Build yourself from the ground up
   your legs are strong
   your torso is the exact image of power
   your arms can lift buildings
   your pinkies can pick
   up cars and you
   don't even blink.
   You are strong.
10) Pick yourself
    back up.
    These pieces are yours
    put them where they
    fit
    put them where you want
    them
    put them down
    throw them away
    leave them exactly where
    they are.
    Pick up yourself
    This rubble doesn't
    mean you're broken.
    These ashes just mean
    you are a phoenix and
    you will burn
    who hurt you.
1) This isn't your fault
2) You did nothing to deserve this
3) Cry
4) The alcohol will not help
5) It's okay to get lost inside yourself
6) They do not control you
7) Find release
8) Breathe
9) You are strong
10) You are a phoenix
11) Everything will be okay, you are your own

These four walls don't recognise me anymore,
And lately I've been waking up cold.
Where the distance sways... I falter.
It's so dizzying keeping up
With a universe whose heart is beating
Too fast.
There are days where I forget
That the blood in my veins is mine.
Hallucinations of opaque canvases
Dappled with a hundred strokes of paint.
The blood in my veins isn't blood at all...
When did it all become pain...t.
I regularly dissect the chambers of my heart,
Mental images of ripping apart the last thing I stood for;
A solitary beat that was never meant to be heard.

I could not afford
your love -
it came with anxiety
and,
feeling small.

And even though
it came with the promise of
(shooting stars)
It was
not enough
compared to the love
I was yet to give myself

and for it
I had to be

Free.