Every song I listen to,

Reminds me of you.

Why is this so challenging for me to do?

Why can’t I get you out of my thoughts?

Always on the run.

Why do you have to haunt me in my dreams?

When in reality, it doesn’t mean a thing.

Why do I still cry silent tears throughout the night and day?

We’ve both ****** up in the past.

This shouldn’t be so hard.

My heart needs a permanent cast.

My guardian angel played the wrong card.

On the cold hard floor I lay.

Only if you had stayed.

Now you are upset and mad.

I don’t blame you.

But I cannot tame the beast inside.

Struggling for so long.

Against so many ******* odds.

And all this time,

Cuddling with my demons.

Getting to know each of them.

Personally.

But that doesn’t define who I am.

So much time has past.

But still feels as though it has just begun.

The downward spiral,

That seems to never end.

I am completely done.

Only one has the power to mend.

The broken and shattered heart within.

Only to be showered with bitter words.

You all know that I am no quitter.

All my demons,

flutter around inside,

Like hellish little birds.

And now all I have to do,

is mutter useless words.

That will never be heard.

I once had this teacher
who had put a sticky note
on the inside of my notebook
for that class.

The inside of each cover was full
of quotes,
that I wrote on sticky notes.
Except for the inside of the front cover.
It had one open spot left.

You see, over the summer break of that year,
A fellow student of mine,
Was killed
by a car that hit him while he was walking early in the morning*.
I was dealing with it all very hard.
The class had to turn our notebooks in so that
the teacher could check them.


Once we got them back, I had intended to
fill that last spot space with a quote
that I had found.  

But my teacher got to it first.
When I opened my notebook, inside I found,
What I thought was the most amazing quote ever.


"Difficult roads
Often Lead
To
Beautiful Destinations"


A truly beautiful quote.  

And from that day on,
I had seen the light at the end of the
very dark tunnel that I was headed down.




But as of today, no, as of August,
that light is now
gone.

And I'm surrounded by nothing
but false hope,
and I'm tired of being played.


I want, no, I NEED someone, something
to pull me out of this hell hole
before I leave my way.

The "selfish", yet "easy" way.



Why do so many people think its
the easy way out?

Cuz it's really not.     I've tried
I don't know how many
times now
to
leave
my way,


And it sure isn't easy.

It's hard,

so crazy difficult to do.


I've been there, almost making it out
my way, only to have gotten
my timing wrong, or
not apply
enough

PRESSURE.



Always having what it takes to get
to the door,
but never enough to
open it and go through.





Until now.


This feeling that I have,
is so much stronger
      than before.

I know if I try to leave
my way,
Iĺl make it.


But I need someone,
or something,
to pull me out
before I try
anything!


Please, anyone!

Anything!






I WANT OUT SO GET ME THE HELL OUT!


Someone, please...
.....
......
.....
.....
.....
.....
­ .....

please just listen,
and maybe,
no,
hopefully
you'll hear
my
cry for
help.








Because not all roads

lead to

Beautiful Destinations

in the end.

We had a lot of fun

When we were together

I'll never forget

I'll always remember


The laughs that we shared

The dreams that we had

But those dreams changed

And they left me sad


I know you've moved on

And found someone new

But I have to admit

I still wish for you


This isn't healthy for me

I really need to stop

When I think about our past

My heart wants to pop


So as I say my last goodbye

I want you to know

That I'm trying my best

To learn to just let go

what if we were flowers
floating in the wind
nothing special, no superpowers
we'd be up in the air where we twisted and spinned
what if we were trees
our branches stretch far and wide
we could live deep in the jungle where no one ever sees
a place where only the sky cried
what if we were leaves
constantly changing our skin
getting stepped on by thieves
laid upon the path on which we begin

" I want him to stay here, with me"

I actually feel this way about you.
I actually thought that this was going to go far.
You started a new fire in my heart.
And now your telling me that you didn't mean to?
I'm sure you know how I feel about you.
I thought that maybe, just maybe, this would work.
But maybe, you played me.
Thought you were different from the others,
turns out you were just the same.
Now you're not allowed to say my name.
I was a fool to think,
that we would actually look cool.
Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic.
But I know what I want, not afraid to go
after it.
I'm not going around,
and leading people on.
And I'm definitely not
not roaming around.
I'm more into
treating people
how they should be treated.
Not playing with their minds and emotions.
Unfortunately, we are surrounded by oceans
of people,
who would rather have a fling
for a month or two.
Rather than
taking on something
serious.
I actually feel
like this is all a lie,
and none of what we had,
even mattered to you.
I actually thought, that we were happy.
You actually had me thinking
that what we had was important, and real.
You actually got me thinking that we would make it.
And worst of all,
You actually made me think that you cared about me
You actually made me believe that maybe, just maybe,
that you meant it when you told me those very powerful words,
very sensitive 3 words.
At the end, you say to me, ¨Have a nice day¨.
Only if there was a way,
to make you feel the pain you caused me.
This is why, I dislike
Valentines Day.

Constant aches, constant pains.

Oh sweet peppermint candy canes.

year after year, wishing on that bright, old star

Wondering how you are.

Torn apart by the court.

It's time for cheer, for Christmas is here.

Tiz not the time to mourn.

Tiz the time of year yet again,

to be with you,

But only in my faded memory.

Year after year,

missing birthday after birthday.

Year after year,

no family Thanksgiving dinner.

Year after year,

asking Santa for what I know he can't give.

Have all the cousins forgotten one of their own?

Aunts and Uncles too?

What about the older sister,

and brother.

Have they forgotten as well?

Ten years of being seperated,

doubt they remember.

Only time will tell

By now you know I’ve moved on from your ways;
Eaten by your cruelty, my soul is gone;
A tear is shed by many night and day;
The extent that you’ve hurt us is far too long.

A flame holds it’s wick when a strong wind blows;
Just air it holds onto to feed its life;
Of all things here, it’s the only thing that glows;
Some are burned by the flame, pain like a knife.

However, it’s gone eventually.
Give or take time, when the wax does melt,
Races are then finished essentially,
A pain you inflict but have never felt.

Can I ask you this while you’re still around?
Enter here, I’ll make sure you’re never found.