Yesterday my grandma died.
My grandpa was by her side, holding her hand.
When she was gone he looked at me and said, “that’s my girl, she was the only one I ever had, the only one I ever wanted.”
He then broke down into tears.
I’ve never seen my grandpa cry.
At that moment I knew that nothing in the world was greater than true love.
I also knew then that true love was real.
They were married for 54 years.
They knew eachother for 57.
Today is valentines day, he’s lost without her.
When he told me she was his one and only I knew something.
That something was that I love you.
I love you in the married 54+ years kind of way.
I love you in the think about you all the time way.
I love you in the way that I could never love anyone else.
I love you in the way that if I lose you I’ll break down into tears.
I’ve known you for nine years, we have at least 48 to go.
I love you.

Because only you
Can make me love
The smell of cigarettes and *****
And only you can make a cold night
Just a little warmer.

It’s 1:09 in the morning. I can’t sleep, haven’t been able to in months.
Now it’s 1:10 in the morning, I’ve been trying to put my thoughts together.
I wrote a song about you today, I say that like it’s not the millionth one.
When I hear your name I have flashbacks of your smile, and your eyes.
Those eyes tell a story, one even the greatest of storytellers couldn’t portray.
But I know it all by heart, well what I have left of my heart.
However, you’re not to blame for the broken heart.
I blame myself and my late realization that you were the one holding me together.
It’s been 1 year, and 5 months since we ended things.
I fear the pain has only gotten worse.
Two parts of me died when you left, an evil, never satisfied with what I have part, and the part of me my mother misses most.
If I could explain what I mean by that I would, but it seems to me it’s more than any of us may ever comprehend.
It’s 1:21 now. It’s been 1 year, 5 months and 12 minutes since I started writing this.
If only I could find the words to say.
Your mother never really liked me, then again I gave her reasons not to.
My mother still loves you, then again you gave her every reason to.
I think about you more than I should. I can’t help it, you’re everywhere.
You’re the sun when it shines down just right, you’re the flowery smell in the breeze.
You’re the quiet girl in the hallway with her headphones in.
You’re the girl singing in my gym class.
At least I see you in the things they do, but they aren’t you.
Nobody ever will be.
Sometimes we talk, I don’t know if that kills me or keeps me alive.
I look at your pictures every day.
There’s 22 I’m too afraid to delete on my phone because i’m sure you’ve deleted yours and I don’t want them gone forever.
I can describe them all in detail.
Sometimes I interlock my fingers and squeeze them together like we did to each other when we held hands.
That sounds absolutely pathetic. But none the less I still do it.
My friends told me I talk about you in my sleep.
I dream about you often, 50% of the time I’m awake when I do.
I still text you names of songs that remind me of you or that I think you would like.
Most of those songs make me cry.
That also sounds pathetic.
It’s 1:45 in the morning, I still can’t sleep.
Now I have been writing this for 1 year, 5 months and 36 minutes.
I don’t think I’ll ever be finished.
I still love you.

We hung out for the first time in years today.
Wow. It doesn't feel like years.
The only difference I noticed,
Was that you didn't touch me once.

You told me it was wrong.
When I texted you seeing how you were.
You told me it was wrong.
When I grabbed your hand and said I'd never let go.
You told me it was wrong.
When I asked for one last kiss.
You told me it was wrong.
When you gave it to me.
You told me it was wrong.
When everything finally felt right.