-
you know, I think the difference between the two of you is that she doesn't try that hard, but you try way too hard

2am and you're still on this video call
Widening your eyes
Chuckling and smirking
And blushing cause I said her name

Wow, you know I'm just so, so ecstatic that things are working out for you

The conversation swings back and forth
From you to me
From euphoria to melancholy
And I notice you look a little confused

If anything ever goes wrong, you have me to lean on, and my friends. We'll back you.

Well something did go wrong
But it went wrong months ago
When I fell for you
And your dazzling blue eyes

Hey, the friendship has been real but you can't expect me to continue without having everything in the open. I can't handle this, you needed to know.

No reply
No response
Just a little message saying
Read

I'm sorry for ruining everything. I hope she and you work out but I can't be handling this anymore

Not even opened

Should I try again?

My heart lies uncertain with every step

Broken as it may be

It still wants you

-

Lying here at night,
Your name flashing on my screen
I can't, I won't answer.
You make me want to scream.

But it's all too confusing,
I can't say how or why,
You make me so emotional,
you're the reason that I cry.

And yet, as the light fades
from my dingy old phone,
I wonder if you realised,
I wonder if you know.

Perhaps its why you called me,
so late that very night.
It's because you know, you know!
You know it's not alright.

You know it's not okay
for me to want you like this.
Because she was my friend,
and yet I still long to kiss

those magic smirking lips.
I still long to feel our warm cheeks brush
as you sweetly laugh at me,
because I can't help but blush.

Is it okay to be friends,
with this secret that I hold?
I hope that one day you realise,
before your feet grow cold.

To my old best friend,
I’m terribly sorry for pushing you away.
Though unintentional, your actions
Rendered me unable to act in a different way.

I loved you like a brother,
at first, it would seem
But then this purest of purest loves
Began tearing at the seams

staying up and texting
Late till 3 am
Making quick little codes
In case someone walked in

Playing truth or truth
Cos we wouldn’t dare to dare
Each other to do the most obvious thing
To show we truly cared.

No, it wasn’t real.
It was one sided, or all in my head.
That night I sent that message
I lay crying in my bed.

I knew that I had ruined things
That we were done for good
And after that I angered you,
Avoided you where I could.

After not long, you moved states.
We never said goodbye.
I’m sorry, my friend, for pushing you away.
For telling you all of those lies.

And all these years later, you’re still the first boy I can say I fell in love with.
There’s truth in every single word.
I miss you still, I always will,
And this wound will always hurt.

Goodnight,
K.

I want you to write me,
the way that I write you.

Only capturing the
beautiful sides
on sunny days

I want to be your poem,
like you are mine

Soft words,
lilting sentences,
perhaps I'll even rhyme.

I want to be in your song,
that one about love.

The girl who's hair shines,
and dances without care?
I want to be her.

I want you to see all the good in me,
and truly believe there's no madness.

but soon you'll see
eventually,
I'm filled to the brim with badness.

"Let's create a religion"
He beamed with a smile
drawing some semi ******* figures
upon my newly decorated wall

And now, two days later
I'm smiling at your
saviour, christened
Memesus.

Oliver was a beautiful boy who rumpled up my world,
I never told him that he did that.
I don't think he wanted me to.

Oliver was a smart *** boy who crumpled up my heart.
He'd use it to play, then throw it away
but I guess I'm fine.

Oliver loves a girl now, and they're "getting in" with eachother
and thats really great...for him
I've been tossed like trash

I don't think Oliver meant it when he said such nice things about me
I think maybe he felt bad, or pitied me,
or wanted me to feel good

because Oliver and I are friends...
it's apparent it's no longer something more.

A sideways glance
Fingers brush
Eyes officially meet
Swapping jokes like war stories
Free drinks for me
More perks for you
I wonder if it was more
Than just a physical need
Chemical reaction
I hope it was more than blood flowing
Full knowing I would fall for it
Girls with low self esteem, right?
How ******* easy.

She once told me,
A song is a wish you write to
the universe

And now I know,
that the universe
doesnt grant

w i s h e s

Can’t you just admit that you’re cold?
Arent we getting a bit old
to play this game, whats the
Aim anymore?
I can’t even tell whats worth fighting for

I walked down the street
A few strange people I so happened to meet
And I just felt so alone
Til your cavalier smile popped up on my phone screen

And we sang and laughed and chatted for a while
You told me just how she made you smile
And oh, what a shame
That I just cannot be there for you again
And oh, what a shame
Somehow she managed to beat me at my game

Late nights and random calls
You tell me that you haven’t missed me at all
Cause you’ve got her now, that’s what I assume
You’re finally together
                                      
                                         (maybe forever)

And break is coming to an end
You’ve already tossed me out like last years fashion trends
And I watched you both while you walked
But you didn’t notice me in our old spot

And you sang and laughed and chatted for a while
I watched from afar cause she makes you smile now
And oh, what a shame
That I just cannot mention your name
And oh, what a shame
Somehow she managed to beat me at my game

please just let me bury my head in the sand for one more day
then after that, perchance i obey,
I'll look after you in much the same way
you looked after me on that very last day.

I'm armour clad
And shielded tight
And you'll never hurt me
As much as you try
But these little bullets
Ill guided wisdoms
Sneak in like shards of glass
I'd never let you see
That you're cracking my shell
And I'll never show
That I'm hurting

'Memories,' she whispered
into her dark hotel room,
lit up only by the street lights
and cars passing by outside.
'Memories only hurt and hinder,
but to see your face...'


'I'd relive all those memories again'

Hey.

I love you.

I love the way your skin wraps your frame, your clothes the bow on top.

It makes me a little insecure, but I love it.

I love the way your silky smooth hair falls, swishing below your waist, like Rapunzel.

It makes me a little jealous, but I love it.

I love the way you stare at me, like you know everything about me, like I'm completely transparent.

It makes me a little uneasy, but I love it.

I love the way you write songs to me, snatched out of thin air on your six string, right in front of me.

It makes me feel a little deceitful, but I love it.

I love the way you move so fast from person to person, how you can just touch and go.

It makes me a little depressed, but I love it

I love everything about you

And I wish you didn't leave like them

I thought you were a little different.
And I loved it

Sometimes I see my poetry

And I wonder if it actually counts

Because it doesn't rhyme

It's rather odd

And overall, well...
We'll leave it odd, shall we?

Lately I've been dreaming
In faded technicolour.
I dream of you, of him
And her
And it wakes me up

Lately I cannot sleep
Plagued by these
Almost contrived dreams
Like my subconscious is telling me something.

I remember times I'd all but forgotten
I remember feeling like a child.

And as I wake, for the first time tonight.
I know what you are trying to tell me.
This faded technicolour, the people who you left, these dreams which won't leave you alone.
You're lonely.

Why is it that every time I decide I want you,

There's someone else?

A giggle a sweet as cotton candy,
Curled hair just like swirls
Blue eyes with pure bliss inside them.
Few teeth, looks just like a pearl.

A roar as fierce as any lions,
A stomp to shake the world.
Blonde hair, reminds me of someone else
And his fist rolled up ready to hurl.

But both of them are one and the same,
Just different fragments of light.
I hold them so close in my heart,
As I cuddle them both goodnight.

I love you and you know that
But it's time we faced the facts
I'm third best and you know it
You've no hesitation to show that

No matter what I say or do
Or how hard I may try
There's always going to be someone else
Around to make me lie

I'm happy, I'm okay
I really really don't care
Even though part of me is screaming
I just wish you were there

Not just over a message
Or on a phone call
But here in real life
Catching me when I'm about to fall

Maybe I'm overreacting
But at this point I don't care
Because I'm third best
To them, I don't compare.

Step 1
Recover from the shock
let the emotion roll through your system
Breathe in and out.
Don't throw up.

Step 2
Plant a big fat smile on your face
Say I'm totally happy for you.
Wow what great news!
Don't throw up.

Step 3
Burn everything you've ever written about him.
She's your friend, she deserves more than you
You can't compete
Don't throw up

Step 4
Revert to what you're good at
Making other people happy.
Get them together
Don't throw up.

Step 5
Move on
Attempt to 'hook up' with someone
Fail miserably
Don't throw up

Step 6
Be the third wheel
And the reason why they'll be together.
Watch him pick her over you over and over.
This time, actually throw up.

She wafts through with ease,
Creating a smile wherever she goes
Supposedly without a care in the world.

If only they knew her trouble,
They would surely treat her better
For she is gold among copper.

It's funny looking through my memories
Seeing all the good times yet
Only focusing on the bad times
How fat I was
How I still am
How I managed to eat all this food I've taken photos of
Remembering being able to savour then without thinking about how I was going to get rid of it
About the calories
And it almost makes me want to throw up

An expression of my depression
"How can you be so sad?"
"You live a lovely life"
"No reason to be mad"

The variety of my anxiety
"But you seem so calm and normal"
"It's really not a big deal"
"The way you're acting is just awful!"

So let me cut open my chest so that you can just see
The pain, the angst, the happiness amongst the misery.

We used to laugh a lot, you and I.
We used to mess around with each other,
We used to be daring.

We used to pull pranks on the teachers,
We used to pretend to smoke those stupid lollies right in front of them,
We used to not care.

You used to think I was pretty, and cool.
You used to play with my hair at recess,
You used to tell me you liked me.

You used to be so kind, and funny,
You used to care about me,
But then again, we used to be 11 years old.

Because we used to talk, you and I.
We used to confide in and stick up for each other
But then I used to be skinny, and not so loud.

We used to be just barely in highschool,
Each gone on different paths.
You used to ignore me and then all of a sudden, you're with her.
You used to not be a ****.

And we used to be friends.

Can I make a wish
To be with you forever
You make me happy even
Though we're just friends

I don't need any more than this
Just your attention, your smile
Corny jokes.
It's all enough for me.

Don't change,
You're all too interesting
They should put you
In a museum, just you.

You're all the eras rolled into one.

I am over you
I am so very over you
I am required to be over you thus I am over you

Perchance I wasn't...over you...
how could all three of us continue being friends?
It's like a bad case of deja vu, but this time
it came back with a vengeance.

help
help
help

My heart still skips when I see you, is that okay?
I still get nervous and choked up talking to you, is that normal?
Sometimes it's too much, I ignore you completely...how about that?

But I am over you.
Completely
And
Utterly
Over
You


and your stormy eyes

F**k

~

Something has
S N A P P E D

am I losing my mind?
I think I might be crazy

Hickory Dickory Dock
the mouse ran round the clock

or did it?

Did the mouse run round the clock or is that what it wanted you to believe?
That a mouse ran around the timepiece indeed.
Creating this grand illusion upon which you praise it with a song.
Hoping for once you wouldn't think wrong.
So for once it thought it just wouldn't try,
And instead came up with the masterful lie.
And pulled it off like a criminal scheme.
And now rests forever in an eternal ticking theme.
But what if, instead, it was all for you?
The mouse was just shielding you from the truth.
So you wouldn't see that time was ticking away
in a endlessly constant, rapid pace.
Would you really care if that was all a lie?
After all, it was only in your mind.

Stand still
Completely frozen in time
The lights are too bright
You can't flee or fight
Just go with the flow

I need to move
The adrenaline is
pumping through my veins
And I just stand still.

My thoughts control
And hinder my movements
Where I should run
I stand here crying

Just stand still
Eyes glazed over
Perhaps it will
All go away

It's 3 am, and I need to sleep

But all of a sudden a massive flow of ideas has coursed through my veins and

Now I'm too hyped

You asked who it was that day,
you asked me with a smile.
I said, hold on, boy, lets just talk for a while

And so you laughed and looked
away for just a glance
and right then, right there,
I knew I'd missed my chance.

Because right then, right there, I said
Yeah, its him.
The other dude, i'm into him.

And no one really knows
if anything would've changed
But I know for sure,
we'd be playing a different game.

Because right in that moment
with your big, dumb smile,
I should've said it's you.
It's been you all this while.

And yeah, you'd would've been shocked,
And probably a little mad
but i think most of all,
you would've felt sad

because it all would be apparent,
why I'd gotten so close to you.
Maybe you'd have have blamed me,
for her not choosing you

Perhaps you'd stop speaking to me,
And forget all we talked about
But I don't think i'd feel so bad,
with my heart all laid out

I am on the edge,
nothing is certain anymore.

I am afraid to choose wrong,
afraid to disappoint you

but the right choice for me
could push me over

and the wrong one could leave me
hanging on with one arm for the rest of my life.

What lies beyond the edge, I can't see.
It is dark and mysterious and foreboding.

I am on the edge,
and nothing is certain anymore.