Lately I've been dreaming
In faded technicolour.
I dream of you, of him
And her
And it wakes me up

Lately I cannot sleep
Plagued by these
Almost contrived dreams
Like my subconscious is telling me something.

I remember times I'd all but forgotten
I remember feeling like a child.

And as I wake, for the first time tonight.
I know what you are trying to tell me.
This faded technicolour, the people who you left, these dreams which won't leave you alone.
You're lonely.

why do i crumble
fall into pieces of
oats and sugar
something beautiful
in a white bowl, but
a mess on the floor
when i wake up
in an empty house
why do i wither like
brown leaves
under brand new and
borrowed boots atop
autumn sidewalks
when i’m alone,
i’m alone,
i’m alone
it is not enough
to eat breakfast
however small
to wash my hair with
coconut milk
to not step out into
the busy street;
i freeze before the ice
touches me
i do not allow
the chance to warm
my own hands
i lie down, on
***** sheets,
and wait for someone
anyone
anything
to awaken me

Pull me apart and empty me out
Scrape out my ins,
Strip all my outs

Make me a canvas
A blank empty slate
A white piece of paper
For you to create

An ever morphing shape
A never changing personality
An aesthically pleasing piece of art
That feeds of creativity

To all I'm a nobody
Robbed of a heart
Still strong in my mind
Like it was from the start

So when I come back,
Please change my shell
Cos I want to be loved,
Even if it means hell.

is it cold in the water?
were you shadowed by distress?
did your void turn to wonder?
do you hurt any less?

it must have been the current
everybody said
but half the life you spent
you did already dead